


Sunless Shadows

by cypris



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Like a Crapton of Angst, Minor character suicide, POV First Person, Rey Hates Kylo's Helmet, Romance, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 07:16:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 88,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7705501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cypris/pseuds/cypris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I know you won't ally yourself with the Order any sooner than I would join the Resistance. But that doesn't mean we can't work together, on our own terms."</p><p>Rey and Kylo Ren secretly meet to practice using the Force, causing irreversible changes to not only themselves, but the entire galaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I envision Rey as unrelated to Luke, Leia and Ren. Fingers crossed she's a Kenobi!
> 
> Please note that double quotes " " always imply spoken dialog, while single quotes ' ' always imply mental dialog.

 

* * *

 

 _Following the destruction of Starkiller Base,_  
_the First Order has launched a vicious  
_ _propaganda campaign against the Resistance._

 _With the power of the New Republic broken,_  
_the Resistance struggles to acquire allies and  
_ _support in its fight against the First Order._

 _The Awakening has caused new Force users_  
_to emerge all over the galaxy. Both factions_  
_race to recruit (or enslave) them to tip the  
_ _precarious balance of power in their favor._

 

* * *

 

The Resistance base was never quiet, and it irritated me.

Starship engines constantly rumbled on the main landing pad. Metal machinery clanked in the repair bay and pressurized hoses hissed in the walls. Footsteps passed by my room no matter the time of day. Occasionally their pace was calm and leisurely, but most often they were hurried. The conversations that accompanied them were the same: sometimes calm, but usually frantic.

Had the base still been on D'Qar, the brightness of the forest would have soaked up the excess noise the same way endless dunes of sand had on Jakku. But eight months ago, soon after the destruction of Starkiller and the Hosnian system, and mere days after Luke had reunited with his sister and we had officially joined the Resistance, we'd learned that the location of our base had been compromised. D'Qar was abruptly abandoned. We now resided on Emmett II, a rocky and mountainous planet where noises perpetually ricocheted and echoed against the stone.

The excess sound had driven me out of the base numerous times, and tonight proved to be no exception. My supple happabore-hide boots pressed soundlessly against the stone, for as much as I hated the noise, I had no desire to contribute to the problem. I passed through a perimeter door and escaped the industrious cacophony of the base's massive cave system into clear and crisp night air. The guard nodded at me, my presence no longer unexpected, and I tipped my head in return.

My feet traversed the mountain path in much the same way I had walked the stone staircase of my island in my dream. Soon after arriving on Emmett II, I had sought out a place where I could be alone with my thoughts. It aggravated me that I yearned for the solitude of Jakku even while striving to shake off the mannerisms I had carried away with me from that barren planet.

I knew deep down that the physical noise of the base was not the only thing I escaped from.

The mental noise was what truly kept me awake at night. Bravery and hope permeated the air, undercut by the stale stench of worry and fear. Luke had taught me how to maintain a mental buffer from the minds surrounding me, but I was always exhausted at the end of the day from training and lacked both the energy and diligence to do so.

And I suppose that if I really wanted to be introspective, I would admit to hiding from a great deal of other things... Luke's doubts over my Jedi training, anxiety over not fitting in amongst the Resistance, and fear that leaving Jakku in the first place had been a dreadful mistake.

For now, my solution was as simple as it was effective: distance myself from the Resistance base.

Rocks crumbled under my feet as I made the final ascent to my hiding place – a clearing nestled in the shadow of the tallest peak on Emmett II. Skybreacher, it was named. I dropped to the earth, folding my legs underneath me, and calmly rested my hands in my lap. One hand cupped the other, and as I focused, energy began to accumulate in my palms.

"Your mind is crowded," Luke had told me during one of the first days we had trained together. "This leaves no room for the Force. Release your emotions and thoughts. If it helps, envision letting them drain out of your mind..."

I closed my eyes and sat very, very still, pressing emotions out of my brain like sludge through a sieve. The Force soaked into my skin like warm water into a dry sponge. My senses expanded to the environment around me, supernatural in their strength. I perceived things that normally escaped my notice: the hum of the air, minute trembling of the rock underneath me, weak ripples from the direction of the Resistance base as people exchanged words or ideas with each other.

Meditation was one of the many tricks Luke had taught me, and though we clashed on numerous fronts, I couldn't deny that his training had made me more attuned to the Force than I ever thought possible.

I sank into my mind's essence, a beautiful starscape where my memories and emotions manifested as light in a calm, black sky. Slipping deeper into my meditative trance, I continued to funnel all extraneous thought into my palms, where I instinctively smoothed the energy into a sphere. But then a memory floated to the forefront of my mind that stung like a thorn in my brain, and was too painful to dislodge.

Luke would have disapproved of how quickly I lost my focus, defeating the point of the exercise. Instead, I drifted toward my memories from the disastrous meeting we had had earlier that day.

"We will not offer the Resistance our support," the Vwalii had said softly. It spread two of its four scaly arms wide before us in apology. "At present, there is balance between yourself and the First Order. It is against all tenets of our social order to cause any disruption."

The Vwalii, Luke had explained, were one of the few that remained neutral in the war between the First Order and the Resistance. Their race followed a fiercely secretive and strict philosophical code that discouraged – if not outright forbid – involvement in galactic politics. Their fanaticism was rivaled only by their desire to be left alone. They had countless centuries of experience avoiding alliances, as well as defending themselves from those who didn't take 'no' for an answer. The two Vwalli standing before us were the equivalent of a king and queen of their people, though the exact rules of gender among their race remained a mystery.

"Even if you judge us as equals now, a day might soon come where the First Order gains an overwhelming advantage," Luke replied. "If you will only render aid at that time, it could be too late. Pledging support to the Resistance now will maintain the balance longer. Surely that aligns with the goals of your people?"

The Vwalii tilted their heads toward each other, communicating silently. Luke had also explained that their entire race could speak telepathically. I wondered if they used the Force in some manner, and pressed my power toward the air between them. Though I listened carefully, filtering through the peculiar sounds that the Force delivered to my ears, I heard no discernible words. I retracted my power, disappointed with my failed experiment.

In any case, the Vwalii's body language forecast their decision, as their hands slashed at the air and their shoulders slumped in unison. "We cannot offer the Resistance our support," the Vwalii repeated. "Your factions lie at opposing ends of a moral equilibrium. Our race has survived for aeons by existing in the Vwarren'voda - the 'middle ground.' If the equilibrium falls out of stasis, we have been known to guide it back to a balanced state through interference with galactic affairs. But now is not one of those times."

Luke frowned, but maintained his poise despite losing patience.

"Once the balance between our factions is lost, it may very well be irrecoverable. And should the Resistance lose this fight, the First Order will decimate your planet. Snoke will enslave you through the dark side and bind you into an alliance against your will. The First Order will forcibly enlist your warriors as mercenaries. And if you resist, they'll send their army of stormtroopers to overpower your entire race. You must see that an alliance with the Resistance would only strengthen the Vwarren'voda, and protect your people from harm."

"Jedi, we hear your words, but they are one voice amongst many in our mind. We cannot turn you into an exception, no matter how strongly we respect your Order." One of the Vwalii's bulbous eyes swivelled, independent of the other, to look at me. "On the subject of respect," it continued in an admonishing tone, "your apprentice needs a lesson on eavesdropping."

My stomach dropped, unaware they'd sensed my mental prying. Luke didn't look at me, and instead bowed his head. "My most sincere apologies. It will not happen again." Though his words were simple, I knew he was embarrassed of me and my face flushed in shame.

We left the audience chamber, crossing underneath a cloudy, green sky toward our starship. Luke and I were often sent to secure alliances as political emissaries of the Resistance. Depressingly, our offers were also often rejected.

"I'm sorry for being rude to the Vwalii," I said once we'd boarded our ship – an aging but sturdy cruiser with a nuclear fission reactor and a tendency to veer to the left. "I simply wanted to understand them better."

Luke sat at the ship's console and did not reply. I sighed to myself. It was becoming distressingly easy to disappoint Luke.

"At least they've not pledged support to the First Order," I continued as I flipped switches and prepared to lift off. "They could change their minds."

Luke shook his head, his frown carving deep grooves into his face. "They deem us too powerful to require aid, yet in truth we are too weak to have a chance without it. They will only help us once we have already lost."

His bitterness soured the air around us, and my mood dipped further. After the thrill of destroying Starkiller, finding Luke and beginning my training, I had expected more things to fall into place, both for the Resistance and myself.

The memory faded as I pulled away and released it back into my mindscape. I returned my vision to the physical world, where the glowing patterns of the Force materialized in the air around me. They danced and twisted together, pulsing in time with some ancient, primordial heartbeat. A living web of energy, Luke had told me, that bound the galaxy together.

The sight renewed my focus and I resumed my meditation. As I peacefully listened to time passing around and through me, I sensed a thread of dark energy approach. It coiled around the symmetrical beams of light before me, and the beams trembled and dimmed at its touch. I willed strength toward the weakened parts of the Force web, bolstering them against this strange visual assault. The dark energy dispersed like smoke but immediately reformed around my wrist like a cold, metal bracelet.

Then a deep, familiar voice spoke so clearly in my mind that I jumped in surprise.

'You've been practicing, scavenger,' said Kylo Ren.

Over the past several months, during moments when I was strongly connected to the Force, I had felt his blooms of anger raging from across a vast distance. Though many in the Resistance rumored he was dead, I knew the truth. To my shame, I kept this information to myself. My relationship with Luke was already strained, and revealing my tenuous connection to his nephew – to General Organa's  _son_ – would not improve things. But hearing Ren's voice in my head was infinitely more alarming than sensing his tantrums on the opposite side of the galaxy.

My immediate instinct was to close my eyes and throw as much power into my shields as possible. I sensed Kylo Ren haunting the air around me, but he wasn't actually inside my head – yet.

'Be calm. I'm not here to fight you,' he told me, sounding a bit exasperated.

'Then you have no other reason to be here.'

'As the apprentice of my old master, my interest in you is warranted.'

'I'm not telling you anything about Luke nor my training.  _Leave me alone_.'

I directed the Force to surround the dark band of energy around my wrist. Light beamed from the airy symbols and obliterated the intangible bracelet. Ren's presence hissed and evaporated along with it. Alone once more in my head, I strove to slow my heartbeat and calm the trembles that shook through my hands.

How had Kylo Ren managed to speak to me through the Force? I had meditated like this before, though perhaps not quite so deeply, but had never sensed Ren's mental presence so close to my own. Perhaps… perhaps this time, Ren had been  _looking_ for me. The thought made me shiver, and when I looked up I was dismayed to find the fragile web of Force light had died out and I was alone in the clearing.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

My attacker advanced toward me, raising its weapon high over its head. Armed with nothing but the Force energy tightly woven through my fingers, I crafted a frame of power in front of me to repel the blow. However, at the last second my opponent shifted the angle of the attack so it swept at me from the side. Panic rose in my throat as I yanked my shield over to intercept it, but I was a second too slow. I closed my eyes and braced for the weapon's impact against my ribs.

I felt a tiny pinch as the plastene training weapon zapped me.

"Rey, you are not  _focusing!_ " Luke scolded me from across the room. "Keep your mind empty of everything but the Force. There is no emotion, only peace."

I ducked another blow from the sparring droid and grit my teeth. How was I supposed to remain emotionless while being  _attacked?_  On Jakku, every single fight meant the difference between survival and death, and my fighting style depended on the rush of emotional instinct that came with it.

The droid and I circled each other. I imagined bundling my emotions together and holding them at a mental arm's length. Then I redoubled my focus, connecting to the Force web and filling my mind with its power. I predicted the droid's next series of movements, planning my own in response, and felt sure that I was succeeding at the exercise. But I had the sudden, sinking thought that I'd never be able to win a real battle this way. My concentration faltered at the exact moment the droid leapt forward.

Angry at being caught off guard, I let instinct take over as I sidestepped, spun around and blasted the droid with the Force so hard its metal arm blew out from its socket and hit the wall. The droid immediately powered down to prevent further damage. I sighed in frustration, feeling guilty for damaging it.

Luke came to stand next to me. "You are an excellent fighter, Rey, but you are missing the point of the exercise. You continue to fall back on your emotions as your source of power within the Force. I've told you many times why this is dangerous."

A voice piped up from the other side of the room. "It's the path to the dark side!"

I frowned and looked over to where Fariya, my fellow Jedi apprentice, sparred with her own droid.

Fariya was the oldest daughter of the Ruu family, human rulers of a large Mid Rim planet and one of the Resistance's more powerful allies. The Resistance had celebrated when we'd learned of her affinity for the Force three months ago, and she'd immediately moved to Emmett II to train with me and Luke.

Coming from a political background, the fifteen-year old girl was talkative and driven to succeed. Though her heart was in the right place, she was determined to turn Jedi training into a contest – and I sometimes had the humbling impression that she was winning.

Fariya stood still, studying her sparring droid as it circled closer and raised its weapon. She stepped forward underneath the blow so resolutely that the movement appeared choreographed. She pressed her hand against the droid's torso and released a controlled flow of Force energy to freeze the droid in place, and then raised up on her toes to pluck the training weapon from its hands.

"Fariya, your control over the Force grows stronger. Well done." I knew that Luke did not intend for his words to hurt me, but his approval of Fariya's skills stung in the wake of my own failure at mastering the exercise. Fariya glowed from Luke's praise, and she shot me a measured smile that stopped just short of being a cheeky grin.

"We are done for the day. Rey, you and I shall leave shortly for our meeting with the–" Luke's words cut off when my gaze snapped downward, as if looking at something on the opposite side of the planet.

It was happening again – an Awakening in the Force. Like I had with Fariya and several others, I occasionally sensed powerful ripples in the Force web: moments when someone connected with it for the very first time.

"Ice planet," I breathed, describing the scene passing before my eyes. "He's hairy, like Chewie. Horns around his face. Carnivore. Doesn't need the Force to be dangerous." I gathered the vision and pushed it toward Luke's mind.

"One of the Brenza race," Luke said a moment later. "He must be on Tehanne, their homeworld. We will change our plans. I'll proceed to the meeting alone. Rey, Tehanne is nearby, in the heart of the Mid Rim. Find the recruit and bring him to the Resistance."

This was the first solo mission Luke had ever given me. I drew back my shoulders and nodded, well aware of the gravity of my assignment. "I will not fail you."

"I doubt you'll encounter any opposition, but make sure you bring some guards with you. Oh, and take Fariya as well."

I couldn't speak because my teeth were ground together, but managed a respectful nod.

The three of us walked to the main hangar, where Luke bid us farewell and boarded the ship we had used a few days prior to meet with the Vwalii. Chewie had taken the Falcon back to Kashyyyk, his homeworld, to restore the legendary ship to perfect working order, though he also needed time to himself after Han's death.

I turned to a guard stationed at the hangar entrance. "Fariya and I are travelling to Tehanne. Are any ground troops available to accompany us?"

The guard spoke into his comm, and a minute later two Resistance fighters in matching flightsuits approached and saluted. "Terrence and Laurie reporting for duty," the woman – Laurie – said. I recognized her from a celebratory lunch we'd hosted for Finn a few months ago, after his release from the med bay. "We're taking the transport over in the corner."

I smiled, pleased that the guard respected my skill as a pilot and had not assigned us one. Our group boarded the transport. Fariya and I moved into the cockpit while the guards strapped themselves in behind us.

"Sit down and don't touch anything," I ordered. Fariya pretended to be deaf – or perhaps she was imagining me as mute, I wasn't sure what went on in her bratty little head – as she poked at control screens and idly flicked switches on and off.

"Cut it out," I admonished, swatting at her hands. "You might break something. This ship is barely flyable as it is."

"Then why are we taking it to Tehanne?"

"Because I'm an excellent pilot. Poe himself told me that. And he would not approve of you touching the console without knowing what you're doing."

Fariya dramatically slumped into the co-pilot's chair. "I want Poe to be our pilot. We deserve a real one for our mission, anyway."

"This is  _my_ mission, Fariya. Luke just wants you here for the experience."

I ran through my pre-flight checklist, adjusting dials and flipping switches, happy to be behind the controls of a ship once more. Reviewing the settings one last time, I shifted a lever to engage the main thrusters, but was greeted with unexpected silence.

I glanced at the console output, which didn't show any warnings or alerts out of the ordinary. Confidence failing, I ran through my checklist once more, ensuring all of the usual knobs, dials, levers and switches were in their proper positions for take-off. I flipped the thruster lever several times, but the ship just sat there, mocking me. I hoped that the Resistance guards were unable to see the red flush of embarrassment rising on my cheeks.

 _Another piece of junk, the only kind the Resistance can afford_ , I grumbled to myself, leaning back in the pilot's chair to regroup my thoughts.  _I've flown hundreds of ships in my simulator. This one must have some sort of quirk…_

My eyes slid over to Fariya, who met my scrutiny with a smile that was far too pleased to be convincing.

"What did you do?" I demanded.

Her broad smile curled into an impish smirk. "Figure it out, if you're such an  _excellent_ pilot."

My eyes narrowed at her ridiculous challenge, and my patience crashed straight into a wall. I crafted a small amount of Force energy into a crackling sphere and flung it straight at her face. She blocked it, as I expected, but it distracted her from my second sneaky burst of Force power positioned behind her head. It passed through her shields and I followed, flying through her thoughts until I found what I was looking for. I drew back into my own head and disengaged an innocuous switch near Fariya's elbow that happened to reroute the ship's power away from the main engine systems and into the auxiliary reserve.

I shifted the thruster lever forward and the ship roared to life around us.

Fariya stared at me, her eyes large and watery. "I'm telling Master Luke," she said, her tone a shade too frightened to be whiny. "It's against the rules to read my thoughts like that! And it's impolite!"

"I warned you not to touch anything, so consider it a well deserved lesson in following orders. Your shields need a lot of work before you're ready for battle. Snoke and Kylo Ren would not find it 'impolite' to tear through your mind."

"How would  _you_ know? No one's ever met Snoke, and you've only been in a single lightsaber duel against Kylo Ren."

I pinned her with a somber stare that made her shrink back in the co-pilot's chair.

"Has no one ever told you about Kylo Ren's interrogation methods?" I asked her, my voice falsely calm. "Poe and I could both give you firsthand accounts. The Resistance is at war with the First Order, and though you come from wealth and privilege, you are part of the Resistance now. We fight evil, and as a Jedi, you will be facing opponents who use the Force in ways you can't yet fathom. And they will not follow Luke's so-called rules."

We did not speak as the transport ship bore us through hyperspace to Tehanne. Manipulating the controls felt as natural as breathing when I cut the hyperdrive and dropped into a lazy spiral toward the ice planet's surface. The scanners showed no other ship activity in the atmosphere.

I could sense a faint smear of power far below on the surface: a Force signature emitted by the newly Awoken being. It came from a shallow valley that was too narrow to land in. I exhaled some of my apprehension upon seeing no First Order ships lurking at the top of the ravine. We descended and gently landed on a wide expanse of untouched snow.

"Has the First Order's propaganda spread here?" I asked Terrence and Laurie.

Laurie grimaced. "The easier question is where it  _hasn't_  spread. They promise stability and security and have enough cashflow to back it up, at least right now. Some systems buy into it more than others. Brenza's are solitary, though. Don't much care what the rest of their race is up to, much less anyone from off-planet. You should be fine here."

"Please stay and guard the ship, then. You will stay as well," I told Fariya, lowering the boarding ramp while pulling on a heavy Fantabu-wool cloak.

"But I want to come! Master Luke sent us both on this mission for a reason."

"It's  _my_ mission," I grumbled once more. However, I knew Luke would chastise me if I left her. "If we run into trouble, you need to be ready to fight and follow my every command. Can you handle that?"

She nodded vigorously, enthusiastic for any scenario where she accompanied me off the ship.

"Keep your blaster close," I told her as we descended the ramp.

The planet was miserably cold, even by ice planet standards. I willed my energy into a sphere around me that held in what little body heat I made. While it did nothing to make me warmer, it kept me from growing colder. I crafted a similar sphere around Fariya, who grudgingly thanked me.

We struggled through the deep snow, following a narrow path that hugged the ravine's edge. The Force user's mental beacon pulsed ahead of me, though I couldn't make sense of his jumbled thoughts when I attempted to peek into his head. We rounded a sharp corner in the path and saw a small hut before us, partially built into the ground to help retain heat.

A blast of cold air struck my face and I grumbled at the weather in this frozen wasteland, but then an itching at the back of my skull made me pause. Something was wrong. The snow around me lay perfectly still, yet I had clearly felt a huge gust of cold wind…  _it wasn't wind._ It was a shockwave from a powerful, uncontrolled use of the dark side. Another blast swept through me, turning my bones to ice, and I bolted toward the ruddy hut with Fariya close behind me.

Right as I reached the door, it snapped open and Kylo Ren stepped outside. I dug my feet into the snow, using the Force to push against the ground and slow me down so I didn't crash into him. Fariya gasped behind me.

Luke and I had barely avoided several run-ins with him during previous missions to collect newly awakened Force users. This was the first time I had seen the Knight in person since our lightsaber battle at Starkiller. He wore a dark tunic paired with heavy banded cloth wrapped the length of his arms. The hood of his cloak was pulled low over his metallic helmet.

My palm prickled as I gathered Force energy, preparing for battle, but Ren wasn't surprised by our sudden presence, nor seem to particularly care that we were there. He took in my appearance – blotchy cheeks, wild hair and gasping breath – and then closed the door so I couldn't see inside the hut.

The mask deepened his voice as he spoke: "You don't want this one."

Behind me, Fariya murmured to herself as she heard the metallic rumble of Ren's voice for the first time. I stared at him, thrown off by his bizarre statement.

"I don't want this one?" I repeated, completely lost to his meaning.

"He's dark side. He belongs with the First Order."

"Oh,  _does_ he? I'm sure you're  _completely_ unbiased in your opinion," I spat. I scanned for life forms inside the house, but felt only the lone Force-sensitive being inside. "And there's no chance you tortured him or murdered his loved ones to get your way."

He tilted his head and shrugged. "I invite you to speak with him yourself, if you don't believe me."

 _Invite me?_  The absolute nerve. "Open the door slowly and bring him outside," I ordered, prepared for my tone to spark a fight.

He didn't draw out his lightsaber, but he didn't open the door, either. He just continued to stare at me, crawling through the air around my head. Though he wasn't using enough power for it to visually manifest, I knew he sought a weak spot in my shields by the itch inside my head.

' _Stop it.'_  I mentally snapped the words at his face, covered by that stupid yet sinister helmet. I wondered what his face looked like now after the wound I'd given him on Starkiller.

To my surprise, he obliged and turned to open the door. I eased my saber – a spare Luke had given me – into my hand and checked the rugged shack more thoroughly. He could have an army of droids hidden in there, invisible to my Force senses if properly cloaked.

My scavenger instincts begged me to attack, or at the very least turn and sprint in the opposite direction, back to the ship. I quieted my mind, tuning into the calm, timeless energy of the Force. My orders were simple: I was here to bring the Force user to the Resistance. Kylo Ren, while an unwelcome wrinkle in my mission, was nothing more than a distraction. My fingers flexed on the hilt of my saber as I assured myself that I had beaten him once and could do so again.

"Daamith, come outside and speak to our guest," Ren called into the shack. My mouth screwed into a scowl. Kylo Ren had a very peculiar definition of the word 'guest.'

A figure emerged from the darkness of the hut, and my eyes widened as I realized the Force-sensitive Brenza was well over seven feet tall. He was covered in shaggy, matted gray fur and a crown of horns spiraled away from his face. His glacial eyes inspected Fariya and me while his lips creased into a ferocious scowl. "Resistance scum," he snarled, revealing a mouthful of white uneven fangs like broken glass.

I stood still, breathing evenly and trying to keep my bewilderment from leaking outside of my head.  _Scum?_  Had Kylo Ren tricked him into hating the Resistance? Carefully, gently, I dusted the Force across his mind and searched for any signs of Ren's interference. Mind tricks had a way of leaving rough edges in a person's mental aura, as if their body knew it had been deceived even while the mind was unaware. To my distress, Daamith's mind appeared completely intact. If Ren had tricked him or sabotaged his memories, he had hid it extremely well.

Daamith's mind bucked against my touch and I hastily pulled away, but it was too late. His eyes widened in disbelieving hatred at my mistake.

"Human filth," he screeched, slamming his massive hands against his ears. "In my head, where it does not belong! Poking and prying, just like the First Order warned." He hunched over, as if it physically pained him to speak to me. "You and the Resistance meddle and sneak, stealing lives that rightfully belong to the Silenced Ones. You should be sacrificed to them. They will wring out every drop of blood from your soul and feed it to the true believers. The First Order. Lord Ren," he snarled, kneeling in the snow before the First Order commander. "Give me the order and I will deliver her corpse at your feet."

My jaw hung loose at the waves of anger emanating from this sad creature. I backed up several steps, Fariya at my side.

"That is unnecessary. Supreme Leader has different plans for her," Ren said to Daamith, who regained his feet and waited silently for further orders. The First Order commander turned to look at me, standing there uselessly in the deep snow.

"I told you that you wouldn't want this one," he said to me, his customary detached tone brightened by what must have been a smirk underneath his helmet.

I stood there stupidly. I couldn't go back to Luke empty handed, failing the first mission he had ever given me. Yet to battle Kylo Ren for rights to an apprentice who hated me wasn't a welcome alternative.

'Go, scavenger,' Ren whispered in my mind, his sneer matching his tone. The sudden difference between his voice in my head and the modified one from his helmet caught me off guard. 'Return to your master and tell him you failed. Luke has already suffered the disappointment of having me as his apprentice. You will be no different.'

Memories of my failed training session this morning flashed through my head. Anger choked my heart – furious at him for being so callous, but mostly because I feared he was  _right_.

I gracelessly yanked energy from the air around me, and this motion caused several things to happen all within an instant. Daamith roared and pounced at me, his fangs gleaming as bright as the snow surrounding us – Fariya, apparently itching for a fight, aimed her blaster and shot him – Ren activated his saber, and I shoved a wedge of Force power at him to strip it out of his grasp.

Fariya's aim must have been impressive because Daamith's roar turned into a hideous squeal of pain, but her control over the Force was what drew my attention. Daamith slowed in mid-pounce, buffeted backward by her summoned storm of energy. The power was unpolished but strong, and the Brenza couldn't defend himself from it. Fariya flicked her hands and the mass of power tilted and slammed Daamith into the ground, where he lay stunned and gasping.

Meanwhile, my own cone of power bristled through the air toward Ren, who flung his free hand forward to create a concave mirror of energy that perfectly repelled the blast back at me. I narrowly ducked out of its way, but it clipped Fariya in the side and she went down hard, frighteningly silent in the snow.

As fast as the fight had started, it ended.

My lightsaber belatedly thrummed to life and I rushed to Fariya's side, keeping my eyes trained on Ren. He made no attempt to attack me, nor move toward his own ally who lay panting in pain on the ground. I wondered exactly what kind of orders Ren was following.

Before I could check Fariya's injuries, his resonating taunt floated across the snow. "You might beat me now, had you accepted my offer on Starkiller."

He was trying to distract me, throw me off because it had worked before. I didn't dare split my concentration between him and Fariya, so I stood over her protectively and brandished my saber. "You are  _wrong_ if you think I want anything to do with you or the dark side."

"A curious sentiment, considering you have already used its power for your own benefit."

 _What?_ I glared at him, the accusation resting heavy in my chest. I was glad Fariya was not conscious to hear his words, which disturbed me even further. "You're lying. I've never given in to the dark side. That failure is limited to you alone."

"Believe what you'd like. But you know how it felt to use the Force against me on Starkiller. Just like you know that Luke's training holds you back. Half of your potential lies dormant and wasted under your skin."

"Training under Luke Skywalker is an honor, one which you have thrown away. It would be humiliating to willingly serve the First Order as you do now."

"Daamith disagrees. Don't you, Daamith?" The Brenza, despite his slumped position in the snow, made a warbling growl of approval deep in his chest. "He is eager to serve the First Order as Snoke's newest apprentice. He's not leaving here with you."

"Nor are you leaving with him."

Ren scoffed, which sounded strange when filtered through his helmet's voice modulator. "And you're stopping me?"

I cursed myself for leaving the guards behind with the ship, though I didn't sense any backup coming for Ren, either. In fact, I wondered how he had even gotten to the planet.

"You talk about Starkiller enough. Did you forget how it  _ended?_ " My grip tightened on my lightsaber. I nudged Fariya in her uninjured side with my boot, and she groaned in response.

"You forget how it started. That Wookiee got a cheap shot on me. You would not have escaped me otherwise. My training with Snoke has only intensified since then." He looked at Fariya, who was alert now and gingerly sitting up. "Nor am I currently babysitting," he added pointedly.

That  _did it_. I seethed and dragged energy toward me, ready to blast that helmet off his head and add a scar to match the first one I'd given him.

Ren flexed his gloved hand into a fist, simultaneously drawing power closer but somehow bending it away at the same time, refracting it through his aura. A controlled ripple of dark energy swelled against my mind, bringing an echo of the anger from which he drew strength.

'You were brimming with power at Starkiller,' Ren said for my ears alone. 'The full spectrum of the Force's potential was at your fingertips. And now you struggle, shackled into using it in a way that feels unnatural. It makes you  _weak_.'

And he knew – somehow he  _knew_  – how hard it was to keep my emotions in check, and I realized he was goading me into another fight. Black, twisting energy began to leak into the air from Ren's hands. Daamith cackled, the sound eerie and feral, while Fariya stumbled to her feet and glanced at me, uncertain.

I yearned to give in to the blazing emotions pounding through my body – tap into the rage and fear and jealousy which would unleash a devastating assault and prove I was stronger in the Force than Ren.

I recalled the disappointment on Luke's face this morning and backed away from the temptation, for Jedi did not fight that way.  _No emotion. No passion. Peace. Serenity._  I repeated the Code, strengthening my resolve through the mantra.

If I wanted to win, I would have to fight him with every ounce of emotion – both dark and light – that I possessed. But doing so meant slipping ever closer to the dark side of the Force, just like Ren wanted.

Instead I turned, snatched Fariya's arm, and fled through the snow.

Ren's scathing words followed me all the way back to the ship. ' _You will make a pitiful Jedi._ '

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

_In the previous chapter: Rey and Fariya, her fellow Jedi apprentice, try to recruit a Force user on the ice planet of Tehanne, but Kylo Ren beats them to it. Rey and Fariya flee after a brief fight._

* * *

 

"Why did you run away?" Fariya demanded once the transport was airborne. "I wasn't  _that_ hurt. We should have fought him."

"That would not have ended well for any of us," I said, tersely adjusting switches and dials to make our jump through hyperspace. I'd briefed the two guards on our disastrous encounter and couldn't leave this planet behind fast enough.

She stuck her chin up in the air, her blue-black hair rippling over her shoulders. "He's just a bully and you're scared of him."

Anger coiled in my gut, and I wanted to scream at her.  _Had you not messed around with the ship's controls at the base, we could have made it here before Ren. Everything would have gone differently. You ruined my mission._

But Fariya winced as she shifted in the co-pilot seat, her posture unnaturally stiff to avoid putting any pressure on her injured side, and I didn't have the heart to say it. It wouldn't have been fair, or even necessarily true.

The console dinged to signal the ship's hyperdrive was online, and I smacked the button to engage it without hesitation. The transport lurched as it entered hyperspace, its reclaimed parts not quite in sync with one another.

"What did he say to you?" Fariya asked after the shaking subsided.

"You heard him," I grumbled. "He insulted us both and acted like a prat, as usual."

"No, I heard all that. I meant... he spoke to you in your head, didn't he? I felt something in the Force. Well, your face looked funny, too, but that's not unusual."

I ignored the jab, worried instead about her insight into my strange mental connection with Ren. It could lead to awkward questions, given that I'd kept it secret for months.

"I don't know what you mean." I hoped my severe frown would warn her off, but her eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth to argue. I mentioned the only thing that was sure to distract her: "I'm sure Poe will want to hear all about how you faced the fearsome Kylo Ren and survived."

Her cheeks darkened in a blush and her scowl turned into a shy, excited smile. We popped out of the hyperspace tunnel into orbit around Emmett II. The planet had spun far enough during our absence that it was now early evening at the Resistance base. As soon as Fariya saw the planet, however, she deflated into her chair and the scowl returned.

"He doesn't want to be my friend," she said, dejectedly fiddling with a buckle on her flightsuit. "He never remembers my name. Does he ever, y'know, talk about me? Or mention me? Ever?"

I said nothing at first, aggravated at her inane questions and a little miffed my distraction had backfired. Until recently, my life had never been easy enough to grant time for making friends, much less developing crushes on older men who clearly didn't reciprocate them. I dipped the ship toward the surface, drifting into sub orbital velocity and flipping switches to prepare for landing.

"I don't know him much better than you do," I ventured while I worked, not wanting to hurt her feelings and outright tell her 'no'. "And when we do talk, it's about starfighters and hyperspace and piloting."

"Ugh, you just don't get it.  _Nevermind._ "

Her flippant dismissal soured my mood even further, leading to a rough touchdown on the dark landing pad. Lights were visible from space at night, so most of the base's exterior was unlit as a precaution against discovery. We exited the transport and came face-to-face with Luke, who looked upset at the distinctive lack of a Brenza passenger. The two Resistance guards took one look at Luke's face and strategically left the landing pad, heading for the interior of the base through a nearby hangar.

" _Explain,_  Rey."

My stomach sank to my bootheels.

"I... failed my mission, Master." The words sounded pathetic, and I suddenly wanted nothing more than to run to my room and burst into tears.

Fariya eagerly stepped forward. "We ran into–"

"This was Rey's mission, Fariya," Luke interrupted, giving her a stern look, "and that's why I asked  _her_ for an explanation."

While I appreciated his confirmation that this had been my mission all along, it wasn't worth the embarrassment and hurt that seeped through Fariya's face. She glanced between Luke's narrowed eyes and my own somber expression, wanting to stay and be a part of our conversation, striving to be recognized as an equal. But she was only fifteen years old, after all, and neither Luke nor I were in the mood to put up with her. She silently turned and vanished into the growing darkness of the hangar.

"You don't need to be so hard on her," I said quietly. "I know it's me you're angry with."

He stared after her, his mechanical hand whirring as it flexed. "She needs to understand that her place here is not as a nobleman's daughter, but as a Jedi apprentice. And I'm not angry with you," he said, turning to face me. "I'm…" –  _disappointed_ – "...not sure what could've gone wrong on Tehanne."

"When we arrived at the Force user's home, Kylo Ren had already… he'd gotten there first, and had recruited the Brenza to the Order. The odds in a fight weren't safe, so we left."

"Did you not bring guards with you, as I suggested?"

"I did. But they stayed at the ship."

"Following your orders?"

I nodded, ashamed my own ego had interfered with the mission and ultimately led to its failure.

"And the Force user? What became of him?"

"His name was Daamith, and… something was wrong with him. Whatever lies the First Order spread through their propaganda, he believed them wholeheartedly. He wouldn't have come with Fariya and me willingly." I described the rest of the encounter on the snowy planet, mentioning our argument over Daamith, the brief scuffle and, even though it grated my pride, praised Fariya's growing skill with the Force.

"Kylo Ren…" I swallowed, embarrassed to discuss Luke's failed apprentice – his  _nephew,_  for crying out loud. "He doesn't need the Force to hurt people."

Luke reached out and squeezed my shoulder; his version of a comforting hug, perhaps. He turned to leave the landing pad, and we fell into step as we crossed the empty hangar and entered the base. We walked through the bustling Resistance corridors toward the command center. Though Luke was far too polite to poke through my head, he knew my thoughts all the same.

"Whatever Kylo Ren said to you on Tehanne should not merit a single moment of your consideration. If he did not regard you as a threat, he would have simply attacked and tried to kill you. But he recognizes your power, and is wary of it, and instead chose to prey on your fears and insecurities to weaken you. His words persist with you only because you let them. Seek the lesson this offers. There is no ignorance, only knowledge."

I nodded dutifully, because that's what apprentices did when their master gave instructions. In truth, I didn't have the first clue how to discern their so-called lesson.

We were close to the command center when I spotted Finn ahead of us in the corridor, chatting animatedly with a few Resistance members. He lit up as Luke and I approached. "You're looking at General Organa's newest chief strategy officer," he told us. He grinned and proudly spun in place, though he couldn't hide the slight limp left over from his grievous injuries on Starkiller.

I laughed in delight. "So you're officially a Big Deal? Don't come complaining to me when all she asks you to do is organize her sock drawer."

At first Finn had been ostracized for his Stormtrooper origins, but his infectious smile and warm spirit had quickly won him friends. It didn't hurt that he had Poe squarely on his side, whose effusive story of how Finn had saved his life grew more elaborate with every retelling.

Finn glanced around at the group of Resistance fighters. "Guys, I gotta talk to our resident Jedi's. I'll see you all tomorrow at the planning meeting."

The group gave us pleasant nods in parting and the three of us continued down the hall to a small chamber. The walls were made of rough, unfinished stone and pipes ran through the ceiling overhead. It must have been carved out recently in response to the growing need for coordination against the First Order's attacks. We sat around the circular metal table.

Finn's demeanor changed once the door slid shut, his laid back smile vanishing in place of a focused stare. "I need updates from both of you. Luke, I heard it didn't go so well on Nazzareem. What happened?"

In the wake of my failed mission on Tehanne, I'd nearly forgotten that Luke had gone on a mission of his own. However, Luke scowled and shook his head, his face more pensive than usual. While he spoke, his mechanical hand whirred and clicked as he repeatedly tensed his fist.

"My aim was to secure an alliance with the Nazzareem Parliament," Luke began, "but the First Order interfered. They've been sending agents amongst the general public to turn them against the Resistance. The Nazzareem Enforcers have clashed with groups of citizens who oppose an alliance with us. I couldn't meet with the Parliament today due to the unrest, and I fear they will back away from the alliance entirely."

Finn nodded, unsurprised by Luke's news. "The latest batch of reports said that the Order's agents are targeting folks in outlying villages. They claim that we, the Resistance, will slaughter anyone who doesn't help our cause to make sure they can't support the Order instead."

"That's the  _Order's_ tactic, not ours!" I seethed in frustration.

"I know, it's complete garbage," Finn agreed. "But then the villagers travel to larger towns on Nazzareem and spread these stories. Rumors turn into truth once people hear them coming from so many different sources."

"The Order turns us into the scapegoat for every problem they themselves create," Luke said. "Every move we make against them is likewise turned against us." He clenched his mechanical hand so hard that the metal parts shrieked in protest. He loosened his fist, ashamed at his reaction. "I apologize for my anger. It's been a long day. Rey, my sister has called a for a meeting tomorrow to salvage the Nazzareem alliance, and I expect it to take most of the day. Please work with Fariya on lightsaber combat forms. Finn, I'll see you in the morning. Congratulations on your promotion. It is well deserved." He clapped Finn on the shoulder with his good hand and left the room.

Finn turned to me, his gaze shrewd. "I heard it wasn't just Luke who had a rough day today. You and Fariya went to Tehanne, right? To pick up a new Force user? What happened?"

I exhaled a tense breath. "For starters, Fariya was causing problems before we even left the hangar."

Finn laughed, a glorious sound. "Poe barely broke a sweat when we escaped from the Order's Star Destroyer, but put him in front of a teenage girl with a crush and he freezes. He won't go in the dining hall when she's there. I've been sneaking him food. It's the only thing keeping him alive." Finn stretched in his chair, massaging his lower back. "Your mission, though. Did it go badly? Anything you want to get off your chest about Fariya?"

"It wasn't her. It was… we ran into Kylo Ren. He took the Force user I'd been assigned to recruit."

Finn's jaw dropped. "You saw Kylo Ren today. On Tehanne. And you're back here without a scratch? _Tell me_  you kicked his ass."

I dropped my eyes, embarrassed. "It wasn't much of a fight. He was…" I trailed off, because saying 'he was mean to me' sounded childish, but saying, 'he accused me of being a shitty Jedi' was no better. "He was his usual, awful self," I finished lamely.

"Well, that's not surprising. Now if you told me he'd been cheerful and jolly, I'd be downright terrified. The guy's always been an evil, cranky bastard. Look what he did to his dad and uncle. Leia's the only one left in the galaxy who hasn't given up on him returning from the dark side. Anything he did or said today is only meant to mess with you and get inside your head."

I winced at the unintended accuracy of his phrasing, because my mysterious mental bond with the dark Force user was yet another thing troubling me.

"Luke told me not to pay any attention to what he said. Or if I did, to  _find the lesson_  in his words." I couldn't stop my dramatic eyeroll. "But it still got to me. I'm not…" I sighed and fought to organize my thoughts. "Training with Luke is tough. And, well, you were a Stormtrooper, before everything happened. You know how to fit in with a group, especially one that shares a common purpose. But I'm living with more people now than I'm used to seeing in a week. I'm not very good at it, and I'm not helping, either. Just making things worse."

Finn leaned forward, eyes intent on my face.

"Rey, everyone I talk to has nothing but admiration for you. You're one of the few people in the Resistance who've faced Kylo Ren head-on and walked away from it. That inspires more people here than you realize.

"In the First Order, Stormtroopers hid behind helmets and masks. No one does that in the Resistance. We recognize the importance of seeing each other as human, even if it means that others can also see our fear. It's our duty as  _a family_  to help each other, and you're part of that family."

My chin wobbled, tears ready to spill forth from his impassioned speech. I'd never had a family – one that I remembered, in any case. I wasn't entirely sure I deserved to be a part of one. Nevertheless, I nodded and knuckled the water out of my eyes.

"I get that training can be tough," Finn continued, "and the highs of making a breakthrough don't come nearly as often as the doubts that you're utter garbage. Just remember that even your powers on an off day are jaw droppingly cool, and I could go grab ten people in the hallway right now who would agree with me. We all want you here, Rey. Most of us don't understand the Force, but that doesn't mean we're frightened of you, or don't want to be your friend."

But would they still want to be my friend if they knew that I could talk to Kylo Ren in my head? That I commanded the Force in ways that startled even Luke with their intensity? I wasn't sure if there was anything awe-inspiring about the over-reactive way I often handled my powers.

I started to open my mouth to tell Finn everything – my troubling link with Kylo Ren, the difficulties I kept running into during training, and even my doubts about becoming a Jedi – but was interrupted by a knock on the door. It whooshed open to reveal a pilot on the Red Squadron. She was a Pantoran, a blue-skinned humanoid race. Her yellow eyes were outlined by an intricate pattern of gold dots, and they narrowed the slightest bit at the sight of me and Finn alone in the room.

"I hope I'm not intruding," she said. "Finn, ready to grab dinner? You're invited, too, of course, Rey," she added. Her tone was irritatingly formal, and though I needed to make a better effort at being friendly, I wasn't ready to start right this moment.

"I ate earlier," I lied politely. "And actually still have training to finish. Thank you, though."

"Maybe next time. Finn, you coming?"

Out of the corner of my vision, I saw Finn's eyes flick to me. I knew he was debating on convincing me to come, but I didn't say anything to encourage him. He casually replied, "Yeah, alright" and stood to leave, though I knew he was hurt by my silent dismissal.

We reentered the main corridor, where a group of Resistance members rumbled by with metal carts stacked high with weaponry. "I'll see you tomorrow, Finn. We'll grab food after your meeting, okay?" I pushed a weak smile to my lips by way of apology. Finn gave me a one-armed hug and left with the Pantoran.

I sighed into the relative quiet. My life always seemed a little less vibrant after Finn was gone. I turned the opposite direction, walking down several hallways until I stopped in front of the door to my room. It slid open once the sensor mounted on the wall scanned my handprint.

Nearly everything in the room was standard issue: a narrow cot, bedside cabinet, battered desk and a matching stool that listed to one side. Some metal shelves, hastily bolted into the carved rock walls, held folded uniforms. My battle staff, one of my few personal possessions left from Jakku, leaned against wall in one corner. There was no window since we were literally living inside a mountain, but the cave-like room reminded me of the decrepit AT-AT I had previously called home, and, most importantly, I didn't have to share the space. I was lucky to have the room, including a private refresher, to myself. Luke and Leia had probably realized that I would've left the Resistance long ago if forced to live in the communal dorms.

I pulled a package of veg-meat and a polystarch biscuit out of my cabinet. Though I never let anyone catch me doing it, I often squirreled away rations from the dining hall in my room. Stockpiling food had saved me from starvation on more than one occasion, and it was a habit I was unwilling to break.

After I finished eating, I indulged in a long shower in my refresher. Most people would laugh at me, for they considered water as common as sand and the temperature was lukewarm at best. However, to me it was an absolute luxury to bathe daily in clean water.

After my shower, I pulled on an oversized tunic and sat on the bed. I felt guilty from brushing off Finn, so while showering I had resolved to practice my meditation inside the base tonight. Despite the constant mental chatter in the background, I sank deeply into my meditation with a speed that almost surprised me.

Earlier, Luke had instructed me to find the lesson in Ren's words, so I turned them over in my head dozens upon dozens of times.  _The full spectrum of the Force's potential was at your fingertips,_  he had told me. _And now you struggle, and it makes you weak._

I already knew the reason Ren's words weighed heavy in my heart: I feared he was right. So what exactly was I supposed to learn from this? Frustrated at my lack of insight, I decided the lesson must be to ignore all prats who wore stupid helmets, and let my thoughts drift to other things.

I maintained my focus for a few hours, but then my body started drifting into sleep and my mind followed, pursuing strange mixtures of thoughts and half-lucid dreams. After I jerked awake for the third time, I abandoned the exercise and willed the lights off, lying down on my thin mattress.

Perversely, now that I had decided to sleep, my brain elected to be wide awake. I raced through the events of the day, dissecting every detail of Tehanne and my conversations with Fariya, Luke and Finn, and wondered whether my life was more or less difficult since I'd left Jakku.

'You are very noisy tonight,' Ren mumbled in my head.

I bolted upright in bed, my head suddenly swarming with his presence. Where had he come from? How had he snuck in?

'Calm down.' His tone was more mild than usual. I thought he might be trying to sleep, wherever in the galaxy he was.

I tilted my head, aggravated at his intrusion. 'It's hard to be calm knowing you can pop into my head uninvited.'

'You're the one who failed to make adequate shields.'

I lapsed into silence, but even though it meant getting rid of Ren, I made no move to bolster my shields. I had been at odds with everyone the entire day and was sick of fighting. I laid back down, staring at my ceiling, and hoped he'd simply get bored and leave.

'You have not been sleeping well,' Ren stated quietly. It was perhaps the most civil thing he'd ever said to me.

'How do you know?' I realized that my question implied he was right, but it was too late to take it back.

'I can sense it through… whatever connection this is.'

'Do you know how it works? Where it came from?'

'Not fully. What did Skywalker say about it?'

My silence became a glaring answer.

'You have not told him.' Rich satisfaction rolled across the link. 'Ashamed to admit you are on speaking terms with a Knight of Ren?'

'We were not on speaking terms until this very conversation. And I'm quickly realizing why that was the case.'

I started to pull back from his voice, but felt an odd resistance that could only be described as Ren tugging on my brain.

'I didn't mean to offend you. I'll tell you what Snoke said about the connection if you stay.'

I didn't say anything, but didn't leave, either. No matter how I rationalized my excuses, talking with Ren was a bad idea, but this was completely overridden by my curiosity about the link between us.

'You can sense Awakenings in the Force, right?' Ren continued. 'Snoke and I are able to do the same. He suspects that the fact I was with you when you Awoke on Starkiller created some sort of link between us. I can sense when you're nearby. Your general mood.'

I mulled over his words. It explained why he had not been surprised to see me on Tehanne earlier that day. It didn't explain why I couldn't sense the same of him in return, and could only attribute it to lack of understanding on my part.

'You were not just  _with_ me when I Awoke,' I reminded him. 'You were torturing me.'

'I was following orders,' he said, sharing the mental equivalent of a nonchalant shrug. 'But you should be thankful I did. Had you not ended up with me on Starkiller, would you have ever discovered your affinity for the Force?'

'Did Snoke order you to find me through this link? To tell me all this?' I demanded, seeking an excuse to cut off this increasingly disturbing conversation.

'No. His only interest in the link was using it to sway you to join the First Order.'

'Are you?'

'I told him that I would. But I lied. It would be more trouble than it's worth.'

'Then.. stop looking for me. Cut the bond.'

'I could, if I tried. But I don't want to.'

'Why?'

'Because you interest me.'

My heartbeat tripled in my chest. 'You mean you're interested in the Resistance and our plans.'

'No. Well, yes, but that's not my motive. You and I are both stuck serving the interests of others despite formidable inner power. I think you're frustrated with Luke's training and wondered if you sought… an alternative.'

'Your attempt to draw me to the dark side is laughable.'

He growled in frustration. 'You think that using the dark side is synonymous with evil, but you're wrong. It's just a different method to tap into the Force. Drawing power from negative emotions doesn't imply your subsequent actions are evil.'

'Luke has never explained it like that.'

'He wouldn't. Jedi have always feared the dark side. They don't trust themselves to embrace it.'

'You did, and look how splendidly that turned out for everyone.'

'Watch yourself, scavenger.' A tendril of black anger floated through our link and a wry grin twitched on my lips. Baiting Ren was one of the few ways I had control over him.

'Is that what you meant on Tehanne,' I asked after a moment of thought, 'when you claimed I'd used the dark side before? You were not saying that I had fallen to the dark side… only used it as a source of power? I didn't realize there was a difference.'

'According to Snoke, it's not well known, even among distinguished Force users. Those who dabble in the dark side usually become addicted. They are corrupted by using it as their sole source of power.'

'Like you?'

I could practically hear his teeth grinding through the link. 'No. I embraced the darkness from the beginning, though I am still not immune to the pull of the light.'

He sounded oddly disgruntled, and it hit me quite suddenly that Ren struggled to resist the emotionless light side of the Force just as I fought against the violence of the dark side. Did Snoke chastise him for this perceived weakness the same way Luke often disapproved of my use of the Force during training? Was he as tired of the constant struggle as I was?

'What exactly do you want?' I asked carefully.

'I think it's possible to use both the dark and light sides of the Force at the same time, and I want your help in figuring out how.'

His answer was both blunt and terrifying because I felt the dreadful stir of curiosity rearing its head. Was it plausible, I wondered, to take Force power drawn from supposedly dark side emotions and intertwine it with the calm, controlled focus of the light side? Would it feel more natural than following the rules of the rigid Jedi code?

I shook my head against my pillow. I had to end this conversation before the temptation grew into something I acted on. If Ren were right and such a thing were possible, it would lead to an unprecedented amount of control over the Force – and power always attracted people who were prepared to possess it for themselves.

'It's a waste of my time to help you. There is too much darkness in you for any light to reach,' I hissed. 'You destroyed an entire generation of Jedi, and when I stopped you from trying to kill your uncle, you murdered your father instead.'

'If you're trying to piss me off so I leave you alone, it's working,' he growled.

'You serve Snoke and the First Order – the embodiment of evil in the galaxy. Helping you gain any more power over the Force would help that cause, and I would sooner die than support the Order.'

Ren scoffed. 'I'm an idiot for thinking your answer would be any different. Training with Luke has made you predictable. You sound just like him. Too stubborn and afraid to use the Force outside of your Jedi code. No matter how much Skywalker preaches against the dark side, that man knows nothing but fear.'

'Quit insulting Luke and get out of my head,' I spat. 'I didn't want you here in the first place.'

He laughed grimly. 'Then practice your shields, scavenger, because I know where to find you.'

I bristled, clenching my fists against the sheets, and summoned a surge of power so strong it sparked against the stuffy air in my room. Ren's presence was thrown out of my head as if I had slammed a door in his face.

The conversation had aggravated me so much I halfway considered dropping the shield to bait Ren into returning, just so I could throw him out a second time.

Instead I paced the length of my room for a solid thirty minutes, constructing the framework for an intricate shield and then packing it with enough power that the energy would linger for days. I hoped it would be strong enough to keep Ren out.

Exhaustion caught up with me and I fell asleep the moment I laid down. I dreamt of falling into darkness, fearing that the light would someday come roaring back to claim me and I would have nothing left in my soul to offer it.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments so far!


	4. Chapter 4

_In the previous chapter: Rey, dismayed that she failed her mission on Tehanne, starts to put up walls against her fellow Resistance members. That night, Kylo Ren mentally asks her for help testing his new theory of the Force. Though intrigued by the idea, she refuses._

* * *

 

I was training with Fariya a week later when I felt another Awakening.

An image of piercing blue sky filled my vision, stretching to a horizon of cracked earth that had baked in the sun for millennia. Thorny bracken clutched to the side of a steep ravine that was practically a cliff. Slender reptilian creatures, which I recognized as the Grylix race, delicately plucked fruit from the plants with their prehensile tails. But one of the Grylix lost its footing and fell, starting a dangerous tumble almost straight down to the cracked earth far below. A young Grylix screeched a desperate plea in its language – "Momma!" – and stretched out its webbed hand as if trying to reverse gravity itself.

The vision cut off when Fariya whacked me in the stomach with her training saber. I let out a surprised wheeze and fell oafishly to the floor, my own saber automatically deactivating when I dropped it. Though the images from the Force user were gone, I could still sense the tickling pulse of its brand-new energy rippling through the Force web.

Fariya deactivated her saber and helped me to my feet. Her gloating smirk was unbearable.

"Stop looking so smug. You got a lucky hit because I was distracted."

"You've been distracted all week," she complained. "What's wrong this time?"

The lie bubbled up out of my chest before I could stop it. "A disturbance, somewhere in the Force. It's giving me a headache." A plan was starting to unfold. Like a memory I could never unsee, it festered and grew rampant in size and scope, nearly impossible to ignore.

"I don't feel anything," Fariya replied, slightly miffed.

"You may not be able to sense it, just like Luke can't sense Awakenings."

She tilted her head and opened her mouth, ready to argue, or unleash a barrage of questions, or generally act like a nuisance. I knew she was curious, not suspicious, but I was short with her regardless.

"I need to go lie down. We'll continue our session tomorrow, alright?"

"I'll stay and keep practicing," she chirped, no doubt happy at the blow she had scored against me, however falsely earned.

I left the training room and walked down the hall to the nearest four-way intersection. The corridor to my right led directly to the base's living quarters where Luke and I had private rooms, whereas the fastest path to the hangar was to the left. I wavered and then walked straight ahead, down a corridor that ventured in a neutral direction between the two and afforded me some time to think.

With previous Awakenings, I had always needed someone's help to identify the exact planet where the Force user's signals were coming from. This Awakening was different. I knew exactly where it was: a desert planet called Gryl only a few systems away from Jakku. Its sentient reptilian race, the Grylix, had often requested supplies from Niima Outpost. I would not need Luke's help to get there.

And with that knowledge, a plan had started to form.

I could surprise everyone and recruit a brand new Force user, someone who would be inspired to join the Resistance and eager to serve its cause. It would make up for the embarrassing failure of my first solo mission. Luke would be mad that I'd left Emmett II without telling him, but I'd learned that Luke was always sort of mad. I was also realizing that his gruffness often had little to do with my training. And besides, Luke was not my father. I was an adult and had spent years alone on Jakku coming and going as I wished.

An intersection loomed ahead of me, and with it, a very complicated choice.

My feet slowed to a crawl, and then dragged to a complete stop. If I turned right, I'd go find Luke in his room and tell him of the Awakening. He would frown at me, despite the good news, and order me to fetch Fariya and meet him at the hangar. It would be a straightforward, successful, and somewhat tedious mission.

But if I turned left…

Turning left meant an opportunity to prove, both to myself and others at the base, that I could handle important missions on my own. And lurking at the edge of my thoughts, too upsetting to fully acknowledge, was the desire to scrape back some of that fierce independence that had leaked away since I'd left Jakku. Rehone an edge that had gone slightly dull.

 _And if Kylo Ren is there? What then?_ my mind whispered.

I frowned, because the thought excited me the tiniest bit. He hadn't reappeared in my head after I'd kicked him out a week prior. Originally, I'd planned to deal with Ren the same way I had dealt with enemies on Jakku: outsmarted them, beat them with my staff if necessary, and earned their respect so they'd leave me alone. But he and I had evolved into more than mere enemies – we were rivals, and that made the stakes higher. I wanted the chance to fight him again and win. To rub it in his face that I was bringing a new Force user back to the Resistance.

Well, my mind was already made up, wasn't it? Now I was simply delaying the inevitable. I took a deep breath, and my feet started to move.

–

–

–

I flew the transport closer to Gryl, following the Force user's mental beacon, and groaned at the sight that greeted me: a massive dust storm crawling across the surface of the arid planet.

I wanted to bang my head against the ship console. Even if everything went  _perfectly_ – landing my transport, asking the Force user to join the Resistance, convincing its family to let it go – even then, it would  _still_ be a close call, and I'd be departing the planet with an angry, tantrum-throwing storm breathing down my neck.

But I couldn't go back to Emmett II empty-handed a second time. I would never live down the embarrassment, especially since Luke was unaware I'd taken the transport off-base in the first place.

I nudged the thruster lever forward an inch and the rocky earth sped past underneath me. A moment later, the Force user's village appeared ahead on the horizon. I realized with another mental groan that it was a cave system carved into the side of a plateau. I would have to land the transport at its base and find a way up on foot. At least I was the only ship in the area. Right now, my biggest concern was the fast encroaching sandstorm.

I circled the area twice, looking for a spot flat enough to land my bulky transport, and touched down at least half a mile away from the base of the plateau. I glanced over my shoulder uneasily as I stepped outside. My planned walk toward the cliffside village turned into an uneasy jog. The wall of dust in the distance was steadily marching closer, and tendrils of deceivingly gentle air brushed against the back of my neck. I conceded that it would be futile to attempt to make it off the planet before the storm hit. I could speak some of the Grylix's language and was optimistic that I'd be able to negotiate an overnight stay in their village.

I was shaken from my thoughts by a sound that made my stomach bottom out in my gut: the unmistakable whine of twin ion engines. I spotted the sleek black silhouette of Kylo Ren's command shuttle gliding across the plateau from the east.

_Dammit._

My jog turned into a flat-out run, breaking into a sweat that wasn't completely triggered by the heat. If Ren reached the Force user before I did, I feared it would be a repeat of Tehanne.

The pilot was keen to avoid the turbulence of the dust storm bearing down from the west. The ship set down out of sight on the far side of a butte that lay between me and the village, its slim footprint able to find a closer landing spot than my own ship. But as I rounded the butte a minute later, I was stunned to see Ren waiting for me, standing alone several hundred yards away from his shuttle. Despite the heat, he wore his standard black outfit, complete with the hood of his cloak pulled low over his helmet.

I slowed to a walk and approached him, determined not to arrive gasping for air like I had on Tehanne.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Acquiring a new apprentice for Snoke," he replied as if I were the biggest idiot in the galaxy.

"I meant, why are you  _standing_ there? Waiting for me?"

"I was going to tell you that you're wasting your time. This Force user is mine."

"No, _it's not_ , you bastard."

The air around us darkened, but I sensed it wasn't from Ren calling on the dark side of the Force. I blinked and looked at the arid landscape to the west, where the sandstorm now towered high enough to blot out the afternoon sun. The clouds gurgled with thunder and spat out shards of lightning that spiked violently into the earth.

I had experienced storms like this on Jakku: great beasts of sand, wind and thunder that stalked the desert and could shut down Niima Outpost for days. I had less than ten minutes until the storm hit, and would not survive if caught without shelter. My closest refuge was my ship. My other option was to reach the Force user in the village, and wait out the storm with them. But my biggest problem was still...

A gloved hand waved in front of my face and I jerked away. Ren had been talking to me, I realized, and expected some sort of answer. However, I didn't want to give away how inattentive I'd been in his presence, so I kept my mouth shut.

He folded his arms in disapproval. "It's just a storm," he said, though I sensed a trace of uncertainty in his tone.

I was tempted to agree and just leave him there, because a desert storm of this magnitude could take care of my lingering Kylo Ren problem permanently. Instead, I sighed at myself as I shook my head.

"I've lived through these storms, and know many people who haven't.  _Scavenger_ , remember? The only thing to do is take cover and wait."

He was silent, but from the slight tilt of his helmet I could tell his eyes were moving between me and the horizon.

"We'll take shelter on my ship," he decided out loud.

"No,  _we_ will not.  _I'm_  going back to mine and we'll call a truce till the storm has passed."

Black energy bloomed around my head – shockingly cold in the arid heat – as Ren hunted for a trace of deception. He hadn't attacked me like this since Starkiller. Though my shields had grown much stronger since then, he mentally struck me right between the eyes and twisted and tugged until my plans scraped free from my mind.

"Liar," he growled. "You would go straight for the Force user."

"You expect me to wait out the storm on board  _your_ ship, surrounded by Stormtroopers? We need to find a neutral area. We can go to the village together."

"The Grylix hate outsiders. They might take in one of us, but not both. And there's no one else here with me. I traveled alone."

I pushed a considerable amount of power toward his ship, probing for heat signatures that would indicate someone was on board, but Ren appeared to be telling the truth. He was clearly serious about waiting out the storm together, and he must have sensed I was considering his proposal.

"My ship has rations and a refresher. It's the safest and most fair solution to both of us and you know it."

My hand drifted toward the hilt of my lightsaber and I took a few careful steps sideways, testing a dozen scenarios in my head where I'd be able to overpower Ren and continue to the village. If I defeated him and spared his life, I was sure he'd find a way to summon the full might of the First Order to the planet. The only way to make sure that didn't happen would be to… but I shied away from that thought immediately. I never, ever wanted the burden of having to tell Leia I had ended the life of her only son. Provoking a fight didn't seem like the appropriate solution for a Jedi-in-training, in any case. And then, of course, was the possibility that I'd lose, but I uneasily shut down that line of thinking, too.

Thunder crackled in the approaching dustclouds and the wind ripped at our clothes. The storm had continued to swell in strength during our spat, and my mouth fell open at the tempest bearing down on us. It would be impossible to reach the safety of my ship now, but a frustrated Kylo Ren still blocked my route to the Grylix village in the plateau.

Then, in a move that surprised me and him equally, I dropped my hand away from my lightsaber.

"You will shut down all of the comm systems. You won't contact the Order _at all_. Your ship will not depart the planet. We will wait out the storm on the surface," I said, setting clear ground rules. If we made it to orbit, lightspeed was only a console touch away and I feared the temptation would prove too strong for Ren to resist.

"Fine," he grudgingly spat after a moment's silence. "But you're cleaning the sand out of the ion engines."

We moved in a dead run toward his ship. Even with the wings retracted, the shuttle's silhouette looked predatory in the rapidly darkening air. We staggered up the loading ramp and through a door, which sealed behind us as soon as we made it inside.

We stood in a large, empty room that seemed to be a multipurpose staging area. We were alone, as Ren had promised. Several displays were embedded in the far wall, along with a variety of handles that would open storage compartments if pulled. Twin benches lined the walls to my left and right – the only seating available for passengers. The interior was unfinished and industrial, with pipes and lightcables roping across the ceiling. The ship was clearly not intended as a personal luxury vehicle, but its utilitarian appearance matched Ren himself: unpolished and tough.

Ren ripped off his helmet and tossed it on one of the benches. As I followed him through a short hallway that sloped sharply up into the cockpit, I noticed how his hair curled against the back of his neck, damp with sweat. After that, I studied the floor very carefully to make sure I didn't trip while entering the cockpit.

Ren dropped into the pilot's chair and I landed in the co-pilot's chair next to him, realizing a fraction of a second too late how cramped the cockpit was. There was barely a foot of space between us, and though Ren and I weren't currently at each other's throats, I didn't trust it to stay that way. My hand casually laid in my lap, ready to snatch my saber if needed.

It was impossible to see anything out of the front windows besides sand. It howled past us as if flung out of an enormous bucket moving at lightspeed. But that didn't make sense, I realized, because Ren's ship didn't  _have_ any windows. I looked closer and realized that one continuous, curved holoscreen spanned the entire wall and displayed the landscape outside the ship.

Ren checked displays and issued voice-commands to insulate the ship from the worst effects of the storm. I watched his movements to make sure he didn't touch the communications panel and alert the First Order that he had me on board, but it was hard to drag my eyes away from the profile of his face. With his strong nose, perturbed expression, and hands intently working on the console spread before him, for a moment he looked heartbreakingly like Han.

Well, except for the scar.

I recalled how I'd split his face open on Starkiller, and was so absorbed in the memory that it took me a moment to register that I was no longer staring at his scar. He had turned his head and was looking  _right at me_ , dark eyes flashing in ire. I tightened my mental shields, sure he was going to try to pry into my thoughts, but he did something else entirely.

A black cord of Force energy erupted from midair and wrapped around my wrist, jerking it into his outstretched hand. I barely fought back a shriek of surprise as he leaned closer while pulling me across the armrest of my chair. Force power instinctively flooded my body and crackled down my spine, but he simply pressed my hand against the scar on his face and said, "Get it over with. I hate when people stare."

I froze, absolutely bewildered. We didn't move for a long, torturous moment, our gazes and skin locked together in a way that felt forbidden and surreal. I hoped he would just give up, let the moment pass and release my hand, but his eyes burned in a silent challenge and I realized he was not backing down.

He was acknowledging my triumph over him at Starkiller, so why was _I_  the one who felt vulnerable?

I flexed my fingers and Ren slowly released my hand. My fingertips drifted down the marred river of flesh on his face. The scar tissue was ridged and coarse, and I couldn't help but ask, "Why didn't it heal… differently?" Even a field medic would have had tools to cauterize and smooth the skin instead of leaving behind such a scarred mess.

Ren's gaze was firmly fixed on a point to the left of my face. "Supreme Leader ordered it. He congratulated me on being nearly as ugly as Vader." His voice rumbled as it emanated up from his chest, rolling through my fingertips. I understood the words he was not saying out loud: Snoke had wanted the scar left as a raw and gruesome reminder of his weakness.

My fingers started to trail over his jaw, but a sudden shiver passed through his body and I snatched my hand away as if burned.

"Satisfied?" he asked. I stared at the curved holoscreen showing sand endlessly blowing by outside and didn't answer.

The storm groaned and howled around the ship, relentlessly whipping gritty earth against the hull. The turbulent particles outside reminded me of something eerily sentient, and were almost mesmerizing in their frenzy. We sat in tense silence for several minutes, waiting for the other to break the fragile truce which had sprang up so suddenly. More long minutes passed, and though the agitated sand outside the ship reflected the thoughts hurtling around my head, we maintained the peace between us.

Then, Ren turned to look at me and a familiar cold finger trailed upwards along my spine. I rolled my shoulders and shot him an irritated look.

"You're loud. It's hard not to listen." He stood up from his chair. My hand shot to my lightsaber handle, but he simply brushed past me and left the cockpit.

I glared at his retreating back and bolted out of my own chair to follow him. "Luke says my mental shields are excellent during training. Yet you claim to be able to hear me."

"I can't sense exactly what you're thinking," he explained over his shoulder. "It's like white noise, but it gets louder when you're obsessing over something."

"I was not  _obsessing–_ "

"You're easy to tune out," he interrupted, "but you need to learn how to block it from escaping."

"Or you should just stop listening."

"Snoke would not stop listening."

I frowned, for hadn't I said something similar to Fariya just last week? We entered the main room of the ship and he turned to face me. The sight of his dark eyes and black clothing made me stop short. It really struck me, in that exact moment, how bizarre it was that we were standing here having a relatively civil conversation about the Force.

"It's not hard to do," he said, his small frown matching my own. He reached out and tapped at the air right in front of the bridge of my nose. I flinched a bit even though I saw his hand coming. "Your shields are weak here, between your eyes. It's common for humans due to where our eyes sit in our heads. Move some extra power there."

I did as he instructed, briefly going crosseyed as I tugged some power from the air and funneled it to the weak spot he had pointed out. My eyes flicked back to Ren when I was finished. He nodded and scratched the inside of his ear at the supposed sudden absence of sound.

"I suppose you want the grand tour."

I felt bold enough to roll my eyes at him. Ren pointed toward a hallway in the corner, next to the exterior door. "That hallway leads to storage, and the refresher is through there, too."

He crossed the room to open a compartment in the far wall and pulled out a handful of rations. He held several out to me, but I didn't move to take any and he mistook my silence for snobbery. "Sorry that dinner is not up to your standards," he sneered, tossing them onto the nearby bench instead.

A smirk danced across my lips, and I let out a sound that stopped just short of being a laugh. The packages of rations would have been a feast on Jakku. "You don't know the first thing about me."

I walked around the room where we were stuck with each other for the foreseeable future, inspecting the variety of displays. Ren leaned against the durasteel wall and ate a ration with his fingers.

Ren was unpredictable when he was angry, so I cast about for a neutral topic of conversation. "I didn't know these types of shuttles had hyperdrives."

"They don't. I had one installed."

Of course the First Order would have the means to install hyperdrives in their command shuttles at will. Meanwhile, I flew through space in a transport that looked like it had come from Unkar Plutt's junkyard.

"Why did you come out here by yourself?"

He shrugged, eyes flicking toward me and then focusing back on his meal. "It seems you chose to do the same."

I ground my teeth at his vague response. "You could have shown up with an armada of ships and Stormtroopers. Knocked me out and hauled me back to the Order's flagship. You've done it before. Yet here we are."

"Here we are," he agreed.

I folded my arms, increasingly annoyed. But perhaps I already had my answer. Ren didn't seem to view me strictly as an enemy, though I wasn't sure what the hell our alternatives were. I thought of the strange connection that bound us together, his proposal of combining the light and dark sides of the Force, and the shared sense that we didn't quite fit in with the grand scheme of things. Did he want someone around who understood how he felt? Did he value that over the reward for turning me in to Snoke? What exactly wasthe difference between being enemies and rivals?

"What do you want from me?" I demanded, frightened by the pattern of my thoughts. "Why are you being so…" Nice wasn't the right word. " _Not evil?_ "

He unhooked his lightsaber from his belt and held it up. I tensed and took a step back.

He sneered at me. "I'm not even – oh." I had sent him a clear memory of his false surrender to Han, ending with the red blade plunged through his father's chest.

Ren studied me with an unreadable expression, and then pulled open a compartment in the wall and deposited the saber inside. He closed it with a firm push and pulled a glowing, cylindrical object out of a slot in the wall. I recognized it as a crystal key.

"This is the only way you can unlock that compartment," he explained, tossing the key on the bench closest to me. "Do whatever you want with it. I just need it back before I leave the planet."

I glared at him, though I picked up the key and grudgingly rolled it between my fingers.

"I know you don't trust me," Ren said, moving toward the opposite bench. "This is the best assurance I can give you that I mean you no harm."

"You didn't need a saber when you tortured me."

Ren whirled to face me, anger hardening his features. My hand shot to my saber. "Those were my orders. Finding Luke was just as important to me as it was for the Resistance. You had what I wanted. You still do."

I narrowed my eyes at his phrasing.

His eyes flicked away, unable to meet my stare. "The map," he clarified. "You found Skywalker. And I sought your help last week, to better understand the Force, but you refused to give me that, too."

"I told you my reasons and they haven't changed. Get help from the other Force users you've enslaved to the Order."

"They're untrained. You're stronger than all of them combined." He brushed his hair back from his face, frustrated by my stubbornness. "I don't want to force you into helping me, Rey. I want you willing."

More than one meaning lurked in his words, and my breath caught in my throat at the faint heat in his eyes that had not been there moments before.

I swallowed hard and lofted my chin, haughtily countering, "And if I'm not?"

He gave me a deep, measuring stare.

"Then I'll wait for the Resistance to fall, and I'll take whatever I want."

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

_In the previous chapter: Rey senses an Awakening and, eager to prove herself in the wake of her failed mission on Tehanne, travels to the Force user's planet alone. There she encounters Kylo Ren, and must take refuge on his ship from a colossal storm._

* * *

 

All of a sudden, Ren's ship shook underneath my feet and metal groaned around us in warning.

I glanced down. "Was that…" My question cut off in a harsh gasp as the ship shook again, this time lurching sideways.

Ren swore and we both bolted up the short flight of steps to the cockpit, dropping into the pilot chairs. The holoscreen showed only endless waves of sand and dirt, punctuated by sporadic blooms of lightning.

"Activate holistic overlay," Ren barked. Shapes and lines begin to appear on the screen, revealing the landscape of the rocky desert around us through a special sensor. Representations of plateaus and cliffs flickered into view. However, there was an outline ahead of us that shouldn't have been there, as if someone had dropped a massive column into the ground without us noticing. I stared closer and realized the outline was  _moving_ , and its identity hit me right as it engulfed the viewscreen.

"It's a tornado," I whispered, dread building and twisting deep in my gut.

The ship heaved underneath us as the raw strength of the tornado's winds yanked it around like a toy. The entire ship lifted clear off the ground. My stomach floated in the brief weightlessness before we slammed back down again.

"Your ship won't survive this," I told Ren. "We need to  _go!_ "

Ren's face was pale as he brought the ship's core systems online at a furious pace. Though I had never piloted a ship with a twin ion engine, I spotted the controls for the repulsorlifts and started to activate them. The ship lurched again as the tornado loomed over us and my hands collided with Ren's.

"What are you doing?" he snarled, shoving at my hands.

"I'm  _co-piloting_ ," I snapped back, "or else we'll die. You work on the ion engines, I'll do this!"

"Co-pilots don't give orders," he growled, but his focus had already turned back to his side of the console.

The cockpit jerked forward so fast I almost smacked my face against the console. The storm lifted the shuttle like a toy and tilted it nearly perpendicular to the planet's surface. The holistic overlay blurred on the holoscreen as it struggled to paint the outline of the ground racing toward us. I smacked a glowing orange button on the console. An instant later the repulsor coils sparked and my hands were already on the controls, lifting the nose of the ship so it merely scraped the ground instead of crushing us headfirst into stone.

I navigated the trembling spacecraft through the twisting air currents of the storm, piloting recklessly like I used to when pushing the limits of my flight simulator on Jakku. I punched Force power outside of the cockpit, feeling the shape of the storm's powerful energy and trying to put distance between us and the tornado. I barely dodged a rock formation as the destructive winds stripped away my tenuous control over the ship.

"The ion engines are ready!" Ren yelled. "I'm extending the stabilizers."

"No, don't! The wind will shear them off. Help me get higher!"

"By doing  _what_?"

"Use the Force, you blistering idiot!"

Ren growled, furious at my insult, and the cockpit actually dimmed from the mammoth amount of power that surged toward us. It manifested in the air around him like black gauze, sinuously twisting around his head and arms. It shrouded my own power, but instead of sparking or repelling as I expected, our energy soaked together seamlessly and formed a focused sphere of power with us at the dead center.

I started to glance over at Ren, unnerved by what he was doing, but a split-second later his consciousness overlapped my own and an intoxicating wave of energy enveloped my mind. I was momentarily awed by the sheer scope of power he had so effortlessly drawn from the Force. I smelled the scent of the soap I used from across the cockpit, felt the tactile shape of buttons and switches on the console underneath his hands, and perceived his mind molding energy around the ship as he sealed it in a tight shield.

Then his eyes glanced at the holoscreen and through his vision I saw a flickering outline of a plateau directly in front of us. Words formed in my mind before he'd even opened his mouth to yell. "UP, Rey!"

I yanked on the controls, but an oppressive gale of wind from the storm pushed back just as hard. The ship wouldn't clear the top of the plateau unless – "Push!" I yelled. I siphoned energy from the wind current and twisted it around to press up against the bottom of the ship.

Ren swept through my mind and sensed how I was using the Force, then immediately matched my strength with his own. The ship groaned, caught between the natural power of the storm pressing down and the dual masses of Force power pushing back. For a moment, we hung in mid-air as the cliff shot toward us. Then the current of wind broke and the ship slingshot forward and up at an ungovernable pace.

We skimmed the edge of the plateau's cliff and hurtled onward, barreling through the mass of writhing stormclouds. The broiling wind strove to knock us out of the sky as if we were a bothersome knat.

The ship tilted alarmingly to one side as alarms dinged. The repulsorlifts were failing. Ren heard my thought and reacted instantly. The twin ion engines boomed in unison, propelling the ship higher through the clouds, but we veered left and then sagged right. I wrestled against the wind, getting a feel for the more twitchy controls of the ion drive.

Ren dipped into my thoughts. "You've never piloted an ion engine before?" His irritation sparked against my mind. "I'm taking over the controls."

"Back off! I've flown them in simulators. It's just harder without stabilizers." Another enormous gust of wind slammed into the ship and I banked sharply to pull away from it. But the twisting outline of the tornado came into view and the storm pushed us straight toward it. Despite my firm grip on the controls, the ship jerked and twisted like a steelpecker with its head cut off, and I knew that death was imminent unless we figured out a way to safely navigate out of the storm.

I gathered my Force power, which was wrapped around the ship like a second durasteel skin. Acting on raw instincts I shifted the power outward to create a buffer between the ship and the tumultuous storm winds. For a split second, the ship flew calm and smooth in the midst of the maelstrom. Ren leapt into my mind to figure out how I had manipulated the ship.

'Not the ship, the  _air_ ,' I thought to him, but at that instant a crackling bolt of lightning pierced my fragile shield of Force power and it collapsed. Wind ripped into the pocket of artificially still air and scattered my energy in all directions.

I breathed deep and attempted to expand my mental reach like a proper Jedi, but it was like timidly requesting attention in a room full of Rathtars. I only summoned a fraction of the energy needed to remake the buffer around the ship.

'Forget the Jedi code!' Ren yelled in my head. 'Use the Force however you want. I have no objections to  _not dying!_ '

I cursed and scowled, knowing deep down that Ren was right, and abandoned my attempts to remain calm and emotionless. Instead, I drilled down into my head and incited a mental riot, then flung my focus outward once more. The wild desperation fueling my second attempt expanded my reach twice as far. I yanked at the Force web over and over again to draw energy toward us.

Then Ren's mental grip closed around my own, and everything changed.

I'd always imagined the Force like a piece of fabric floating on the wind, and harnessing its power was akin to catching a corner of it with my fingertips and guiding it toward me. Ren's method was… far different. He seized the web in an iron fist and hauled it in a direction that didn't fully exist: sort of a down, inward motion that sunk us to the center of an enormous gravity well.

The Force rushed down toward us as if the storm didn't exist. It hit my brain like an avalanche and I gasped out loud as the power flooded my body. It rippled through my mind, tingled through my arms and turned my fingertips numb.

Ren wasted no time directing the power outward around the ship, and I followed his example. Suddenly, we were jointly controlling the Force in a way I had never, ever experienced before. We pushed and shoved and molded the energy to remake the shield. It was denser and stronger this time, the only thing protecting Ren's ship from being torn apart by the storm. The air calmed inside the buffer and the ship's erratic path smoothed out once more. I drew back a bit from the dizzying amount of power and refocused on the controls in front of me.

'Going up!' I told Ren wordlessly, not bothering to speak aloud since he was already completely immersed in my head.

'I've got the shield,' he replied.

We blasted through the storm, and for a minute we were so closely attuned we ceased to even speak in full sentences. It was faster to  _think_ my senses at Ren as I spotted weak spots in the sphere and dodged lightning bolts and pushed the ship faster and higher and wondered if this damn storm would ever,  _ever_ end –

And then, we broke free.

The ship sailed through smooth, harmless, marvelously empty space. The sudden silence shocked my ears after the roaring thunder and wind. Ren groaned and slumped back in his chair. I became conscious of my own harsh breathing in the small, stuffy cockpit.

We drifted aimlessly through space for several quiet minutes as our heartbeats slowed to a normal pace. Our minds, which had been so intricately interwoven during our escape from the storm, gently drifted apart as the Force energy we had summoned dissipated back into the web. I was reluctant to let the energy go, for reasons too complicated to dwell on.

"Have you ever used the Force like that before?" Ren asked a moment later. He pushed a memory into my head: a flash of us jointly summoning and manipulating the Force together.

I shook my head, seeing no reason to lie. "I didn't know it was possible."

"Neither did I." He studied my face, eyes dark and intense. "It made us powerful."

At first I had no retort because he was right, but I dug deep and grounded myself. "Power is not my goal. That is something a Sith desires, and I am no Sith."

"Nor am I. Like I told you earlier, I want your help exploring the powers of the Force. I don't want to sway you to the dark side."

"That doesn't mean I'll help you. Using or supporting the dark side goes against the teachings of the Jedi. Besides, the dark and light side have always been on opposite sides of the Force. They can't be joined."

"Not true." His shoulders straightened, and he lifted his head as his eyes glittered with excitement. "We've been taught that the Force is split into the light and dark sides, with a clear line between the two. But I was researching the archives and came across… a different interpretation. It's an ancient belief that the light and dark side don't exist. You can use the Force's power however you want, and good and evil only manifests in the intent of your actions. Its followers called it Potentium. I want to study it further."

My heartbeat sped up a few paces. It was the perfect answer to my personal struggles with the Force that had arisen since I started Jedi training. But I tempered my reaction with a sharp reminder that this idea was coming from Kylo Ren, the most notorious dark Force user in the galaxy, apprentice to Snoke and grandson of Darth Vader. A trap was surely hidden in his words.

I forced out a stony frown and arched my eyebrow. "Potentium obviously wasn't a good idea if its followers aren't around today."

I was immediately sorry for shutting down the fragile spark of light that had bloomed in his eyes. He sat back in his chair, jaw locked in a stubborn scowl as he contemplated a different tactic.

"Skywalker has convinced you it's wrong to draw strength from your instincts. Made you  _boring_."

My frown deepened because his words stung, even though his opinion should have been as worthless as a handful of wet sand.

"You were fascinating on Starkiller," he continued, his voice twisting softly within the confines of the cockpit. "A scrappy, half-feral thing. Strong in the Force despite formal training. A blank slate. Your potential will be wasted as Skywalker's apprentice. You know I'm right."

My knuckles ground white against my skin. "And what are my alternatives? Abandon my Jedi training, and the Resistance as well? Join the First Order? I have no idea where my family is, or if they're even alive. Snoke would be disappointed to have no leverage over me."

Ren bared his teeth in a snarl and reached for his lightsaber, forgetting that he had locked it in the compartment below and given me the only key.

At that moment, a voice crackled through the cockpit. "Lord Ren, we've detected your shuttle is damaged. Shall we send assistance?"

Ren glared at me, his hatred blazing against my mind. I reached for my lightsaber, sure that he was about to betray me to the Order. Instead, he visibly struggled to reign in his anger and the rage drained away from his face.

A tense second later he snapped, "No, that isn't necessary."

"Affirmative, sir."

I moved my hand away from my belt, suspiciously curious about Ren's motives for keeping my presence aboard his ship a secret.

Ren traced the tip of his scar where it curved down his neck. "I know you will not ally yourself with the Order any sooner than I would join the Resistance. But that doesn't mean we can't work together, on our own terms."

Our gazes locked for a long, careful moment.

"You're playing a dangerous game, Kylo Ren," I murmured.

Though I meant my words to be offensive, his eyes gleamed in satisfaction because I hadn't said 'no' either.

–

–

–

An hour passed as we silently drifted in orbit, waiting for the storm to dissipate down on the surface.

It hit me, very belatedly, that I had been on this ship before. After falling unconscious on Takodana, I'd had flashes of being carried – a bizarre sensation I hadn't experienced since I was a child on Jakku – and laying on the thinly padded benches in the outer room. The realization made me shift uncomfortably, but I was stuck here for the time being.

By now Luke would have realized I was missing. I wondered what he thought had happened to me. I hoped the Force user who had Awoken earlier today had saved its mother, and then wondered if my parents would be proud of me, if they were still alive. I dismissed the sad thought and practiced lightsaber battles in my head against imaginary foes who all conveniently wore helmets.

While I could have serenely sat there for the rest of the day, Ren started to fidget. He drummed his fingertips in undulating patterns against the armrest of his chair. Then he began to twitch the toes of his boots off the floor and gradually lower them back down. Finally, he snapped, "How can you sit there so calmly?"

With nearly anyone else in the galaxy, I'd prefer sitting in silence over talking about myself. But tenuous conversation with Kylo seemed safer than his brooding silence.

"Sandstorms on Jakku could last for days. I'm used to boredom."

"What did you do to pass the time?" A mocking smirk curled onto his lips. "Were the other scavengers good company?"

I stared at him, not rising to his bait. "I lived by myself. There were no others."

Ren blinked, astounded. Heat colored my cheeks.

"You saw my memories. You  _knew_ how my life was."

"I thought that was a recent change, not… You were  _alone_ on Jakku? All those years?"

"Most of them. It wasn't uncommon," I bit out defensively. While I was not ashamed of my past, the utter futility of my life seemed ludicrous looking back at it. I could only liken it to being dehydrated – when you were literally dying for water, not much else seemed important besides finding a drink. And on Jakku, I had always been thirsty.

"It explains a lot about you," Ren said with a small shrug.

I pinned him with a hostile gaze, though it was mostly driven by ire directed at myself. I wanted to know exactly what mysteries about me it solved, and detested my curiosity for planting the impulse to ask.

"You never told me," he said a moment later, "what you did to pass the time during storms like this."

I debated not responding, but perhaps sharing something about myself meant he would do the same. Or even better, he might reveal information I could use to help the Resistance.

"I built things. Then took them apart, and rebuilt them a different way. I salvaged a computer from a starfighter that ran flight simulations, and it helped me study languages. And you?" I asked, stretching my legs out in front me. "What do you do in your spare time?"

"Train," he replied in a dull tone. "Repair my lightsaber, or the Knights."

"The Knights of Ren? Why would you repair them?"

Ren bit his tongue, clearly sorry he had ever opened his mouth, and restlessly bounced his heel against the metal floor.

"They're not human," I guessed. Ren's tapping sped up. "I'm right, aren't I?"

"Half," he conceded.

"Half right?"

"They're half human. Augmented with mechanical parts that I've designed."

"They're cyborgs." Like Darth Vader, and even Luke to a degree, though I didn't share this thought out loud. "They didn't look like cyborgs."

"When have you ever seen a Knight of Ren?"

"In my vision. You were standing with them in a field while it rained."

"Your… oh." He stopped short, silent for an awkward second. "I forgot I saw that."

"I didn't."

He avoided my eyes and turned his attention to the holoscreen. "The storm should be gone. I'm returning to the surface."

Night had fallen by the time we landed on Gryl near the Force user's cliffside village. Ren lowered the ramp and we gratefully left the confines of his ship. A cool, damp breeze washed across my face, the fresh air a welcome relief from hours of recycled oxygen.

"How should we handle the Force user?" I asked Ren.

He shrugged in dismissal, the movement darkly elegant. "Simple. We'll duel for rights to him. Lightsabers only, no using the Force. My saber is still locked inside my ship. Give me the key."

I ignored him and unhooked my saber from my belt. "Do you want it to be symmetrical?"

Ren looked perplexed by my question.

"Your new scar," I explained, gesturing at his face. "You want it on the opposite cheek? Or make it cross over the first one I gave you?"

Livid anger dawned in his eyes. And then Ren  _cheated_.

Inky blackness bled from his hands, and the air shivered like we were standing inside a mirage. My saber vanished from my palm as if it had never existed, and though Ren had been standing several feet away, he was now directly in front of me, his hand around my neck.

He buried my shields under an immobile anchor of Force power. I struggled to claw them out while thrashing against his grip, until Ren pressed his forehead against my own in a horrible mockery of intimacy. I froze at the completely foreign sensation of having someone's face so close to my own.

"You are infuriating, scavenger," he whispered, our mingled breath the only thing separating our lips.

I wrapped my hands around his wrist and swallowed my nerves, ready to rip out his eyes if necessary. "Earlier you called me boring. Make up your mind."

He briefly squeezed my throat. I felt grim satisfaction that I could manipulate him so easily through his anger, though underneath it lurked a twisted fascination at the intensity burning in his mind.

His eyes darkened in hunger, and an unbidden heat coursed through me as his thoughts took a very different turn.

Ren's hand moved up my neck to roughly cup my chin, and his face tilted to one side. A dangerous, primal thrill coursed down my spine. He was thinking about kissing me and for a delirious second I wanted him to because no one had ever made my heart race so fast in my entire life. However, the desire soured into exquisite mortification as my brain caught up with my uncontrolled senses.

I inhaled to give life to an enraged shout, pushing air out of my lungs along with a powerful blast of the Force, and just like that Ren's grip vanished. He reappeared several feet away as if he had never moved, the air shivering around him.

My lightsaber was once again in my palm. I instantly ignited it and brandished it in front of me, confusion paramount as I regrouped my shattered concentration. Ren had somehow overtaken my mind and created that entire vision.

"You asshole!" I accused as my cheeks flamed in hot embarrassment. Though the vision had been completely fabricated, my heated response to it had been anything but fake.

There was a smug gleam in Ren's eyes. But worse… far worse, I sensed a new undercurrent of curiosity emanating from him, his mind dying to delve into mine again and replay that scene with a very different ending.

"Don't look at me like that," I seethed. "That did  _not_ just happen. It was  _not real_."

"We could make it real." He wouldn't stop looking at my lips.

"No. I want nothing to do with you. I'm not dueling you. Get in your ship and leave," I snarled. I pulled the crystal key from my vest pocket and sheared it in half across the plasma blade of my lightsaber.

"I concede," Ren said with a growing smirk. "But we both know what you really wanted, and I promise I won't ever let you forget it."

"Get – out – of my –  _sight_."

I swung my lightsaber in front of me, chasing him back a few steps. Ren turned and strode up the ramp into his ship. Moments later it rose into the air and vanished out of sight in the night sky.

I began the trek toward the Force user's cliffside village, dimly realizing that I would finally achieve my original goal of bringing a new Jedi recruit back to the Resistance. But my hands trembled the entire way, because I felt like I was one step closer to losing everything.

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

_In the previous chapter: Rey and Ren work together to escape a massive storm on the planet of Gryl. Afterwards, Ren pushes for Rey's help in exploring the Force, telling her about an ancient theory called Potentium. Like before, Rey brushes him off, but it's clear her resolve is wavering._

* * *

 

Nobody ever told General Organa 'no.'

So when she ordered everyone in the meeting chamber to leave, they all filed out without protest. When Luke started explaining where I'd been, she gave him a  _look_ and he fell silent. And when she asked me bluntly, "Have you seen my son?" the only answer I could give was "yes."

She briefly closed her eyes, hiding a stab of intense pain. "Did he hurt you?" Her voice was steady. I wondered how many times she'd had to ask that question.

"Not… exactly," I said, thinking of Ren's threats and the way he'd put his hands on me through the Force, knowing he wouldn't have had a chance to in reality. Better to leave all of that unspoken. "I went to Gryl to recruit a Force user. After Tehanne, I wanted to… It doesn't matter. Kylo Ren was there, and he told me he wanted my help exploring the Force. He talked about an ancient theory called Potentium."

"Kylo Ren is interested in Potentium?" Luke asked, startled. He shook his head. "That boy is taking a tragic path through the Force."

Leia's sharp gaze flicked to Luke. "Tell me about this theory."

"Potentium abolishes the light and dark sides of the Force. It claims the Force is inherently good, and only a person with evil intentions can corrupt its nature. But it's a misguided and naive notion. It's dangerous to use the Force emotionally, as the Sith do. It draws its followers straight to the dark side."

"Ren claimed he and Snoke were not Sith," I said. "I don't know if it's true, but I think he seeks… an alternative to what he's learned from Snoke."

Luke's eyebrows bunched together, a hard look in his eyes. "He is looking for an excuse, nothing more."

Or redemption, I thought privately.

Leia leaned forward in her chair, giving me her full attention. "Do you think he might abandon Snoke and the Order?"

I considered my words carefully. "He didn't say anything about it, though he claimed he still feels the light side of the Force. That's what interests him about Potentium. He wants to combine the powers of the light and dark side together."

"He wants to grow stronger so he can corrupt or kill anyone that stands in his way. That includes you, Rey," Luke warned.

Leia looked at me thoughtfully. "Forgive me for making assumptions, but it sounds like Rey is the only person in the entire Resistance that my son  _doesn't_  want to kill."

Luke stared at her, appalled at the direction her thoughts were headed. "Rey is still in training and vulnerable to the dark side. One slip and she could become our enemy. Or Kylo Ren could change his mind at any moment and we could lose her to the Order. Is that risk worth the chance of seeing your son again?"

"Rey has a stronger moral compass than you give her credit for." Leia was still looking at me, measuring me by some invisible yardstick. Neither Han nor Luke had been able to stop Ben Solo from falling into the darkness. Why did she think I had the strength to drag him back?

Luke argued long and hard against Leia's plan, but at a certain point he stopped fighting with his sister and began to fight with a General.

Leia finally had enough. "The Order becomes stronger, richer, and meaner with every day that passes, while the Resistance is run by whoever decides to show up and care. I'd take just one of our soldiers over a transport full of Stormtroopers, but courage and spirit alone can't fly starfighters. Bravery and honor won't fire blasters. My job as a general is to protect our resources, and our troops are at the very top of that list. If I sent a hundred soldiers after Kylo Ren, I'm not sure any of them would survive."

She tilted her head toward me. "Or I could send one person, and hope that two come back."

"How is Rey supposed to do that if she never sees him?" Luke demanded.

I flinched, knowing this conversation was about to get much worse. As soon as I finished explaining the Force connection I had with Ren, Luke covered his face and sat in horrified silence.

"You can't put Rey in this kind of danger!" he whispered harshly. "It's  _selfish_ , Leia!"

Leia shot to her feet and slammed her hands against the table. "You were selfish for years! The entire time you were in hiding, I was trying to stop a war!"

I wished I could shrink back and vanish into the wall behind me. I felt like I was eavesdropping even though I sat in plain sight.

Leia dropped back into her seat, as if the outburst had sucked away all her energy. "I was ready to retire from politics. Spend more time with Han and Ben. Then Ben was gone, you vanished, and the threat of the Order grew too dangerous, too fast. I had to stay and fight. Now I've lost both my husband and son to the First Order. I've lost other people's children, too. I'm not proud of that."

Her gaze refocused on Luke, lit once more by an inner fire that would never be doused, because that's just the type of person General Organa was.

"I have a chance to bring him back, Luke. I can't ignore that. I won't. No mother in her right mind would deny the chance to protect her son."

"You are a mother to one person, but a general to thousands. They all deserve an equal chance."

A faint smile emerged on her lips. "That's what a Jedi should say, and why Jedi weren't permitted to have families. They have a way of blinding you."

The room was silent for a long moment.

"It's a bad idea," Luke muttered. "It's a bad, terrible, dangerous idea."

"I appreciate your council, Luke, you know that. But we might be the worst two people in the Resistance to make a decision concerning Ben. I'm leaving the choice up to Rey."

She turned to me, her expression full of hopeful uncertainty. "Will you do it? Will you try to turn Ben away from Snoke?"

My heart clawed its way up into my throat as I looked between Leia's earnest stare and Luke's thunderous scowl. I was already too curious about Potentium for my own good. Consenting to research its power with Kylo Ren would have consequences.

"This would not be a full-time assignment," Leia explained, sensing my hesitation. "You are still expected to serve the Resistance and continue your Jedi training with Luke. Just help Ben see that the Order isn't the only choice he has left. But absolutely no one can know what you're doing. For your safety and his."

I knew, at that moment, that I had a way out of this. I could tell them how Ren had almost kissed me, even if it had only been a fantasy conjured through the Force. I could expose my darkest shame: the dreadful exhilaration I'd felt while his lips hovered over mine. Leia would realize what was truly at stake. She'd never ask me to go near him again.

The words surged up my throat, but I swallowed them back down into the depths of my being, where they bled and stained my soul.

Scavengers didn't survive by confessing their secrets.

Leia was still speaking: "You're the best person the Resistance has for this mission. Truthfully, there's no one else I'd consider asking. But I'm not ordering you to do this as a General. I am asking you as a mother. Please find the light in him. Bring him home."

My throat was dry, like I'd swallowed a mouthful of sand. After all, no one said 'no' to Leia Organa.

–

–

–

The next evening, sitting in the quiet mountain clearing outside of the base, I realized I had a very strange problem. The previous two times I'd talked to Ren through the Force over a great distance, he had been the one that sought me out. Now I had to go find him, and I didn't know how.

I closed my eyes, sinking into my mindscape of glittering stars in a nighttime sky. The answer lay here, inside my head. There was something I simply wasn't seeing because I didn't know to look for it. I gently rifled through memories where I'd spoken with him through the Force, seeking some hint as to how he'd found me.

I thought of our very first fight in the Starkiller interrogation cell, when I'd ended up inside his head, and something flashed out of the corner of my vision. I instinctively turned my head to the side, though the mental scene painted on the backs of my eyelids did not move with it. I thought back to the previous times I had battled Ren in my head, and readjusted to the notion of moving around mentally.

I saw the flash again, and managed to turn my vision fast enough to catch sight of a golden thread of light. It led away from me,  _outward_ , toward some sort of infinite space between the reaches of my mind and the physical shell of my skull.

It occurred to me that if I imagined my mindscape as just one piece inside an infinite galaxy, it meant Ren's mind existed here, too. I had to figure out a way to travel through the Force web and find him.

I followed the golden path through my mindscape, but the thread appeared to be endless. Or worse, I wasn't actually moving. I couldn't tell which. I twisted the golden thread through incorporeal fingers and gently pulled on it. The thread grew taught and moved toward me, but I had the sense it was unraveling from an infinite spool, and I was still no closer to reaching Ren. He was thousands of parsecs away from me, on the opposite side of the galaxy. How could I cross such a vast distance, even if it was through the Force?

I hung in space for a moment, thinking through my options. Ren had done this before. It wasn't impossible.

Then an idea came to me. On Gryl, he had manipulated the Force web in a way I'd never seen before. He'd moved it in a direction that didn't fully make sense, sort of down and inward at the same time. It was like pulling a tablecloth down through a hole drilled in the center of the table.

I wasn't quite skilled enough to yank it like he had, but perhaps I could use something heavy to help me. I reached out into the Force web with calm, clear intentions, ushered energy toward me and then formed it into a dense sphere. The stars around me shivered the slightest bit.

I kept compressing more energy down into the sphere. As its density increased, the Force web started to bend around it. The stars were trembling now, and some of them started drifting toward the sphere as its strange gravitational influence became stronger.

But I still needed more power to make this work, and though I knew it was a shortcut, and not what a Jedi should do, I succumbed to a flash of anger and scraped energy toward me. I squeezed it all into my sphere, then reared back and threw it at my feet as hard as I could.

It flew inward and down simultaneously, and several things happened, and they happened  _fast._

The Force web vibrated and shot toward me from all directions at once, caught in the gravity of my energy sphere as it hurtled down into my mindscape. Stars blurred as they streaked past my mental vision and were swallowed inside the enormous well of energy growing at my feet.

Power streamed against my mind like a strong current in a river, and I plunged my hands into it and then launched myself through the Force web faster than I'd ever moved before. It was like travelling at lightspeed inside my own head. Fortunately, I was a damn good pilot.

I left the confines of my mind, following the thread's golden light through this strange mental galaxy, and passed stars of other minds and consciousnesses as I flew.

A red spark flickered ahead in the darkness. As I moved closer, it ballooned into a molten star made of magma and shimmering heat. I knew it was him.

'Ren.'

I felt a jerk of surprise from a mind that was not my own.

'Rey?' His tone held no animosity and my heart made an unexpected tremor in my chest. Anger and suspicion swept through the bond moments later. 'I'm busy. What do you want?'

I didn't reply because I was having trouble slowing down. The mental galaxy continued to streak past me, leaving Ren's mind behind, and I strained to hold on to our mental connection. I braided energy into a cord that tethered our minds together across the Force web. I understood now why Ren had refused to cut his end of the bond when I asked him to. It was exhausting to create it in the first place.

'You're giving me a headache,' Ren warned. 'Drop the energy you don't need.'

What energy? Oh. Far away, I still had my sphere of Force power, which was now as dense and heavy as the core of a dying star. It had sunk so deep into my mind that it was almost out of reach. I tried to grab for it, but stabbing pain radiated from the center of my head and I gasped.

Ren groaned, apparently hit by the same spike of pain. 'Ugh, scavenger. Hasn't Luke taught you anything?'

Phantom hands reached into my mind and steadily lifted the sphere's mass up and outwards. The flood of power that came with it momentarily shocked me, and I was thrown out of my head, all the way back to my physical body sitting in the mountain clearing on Emmett II.

For a moment I thought I had lost the connection, but then Ren's presence flared in my head as he carefully transferred the sphere of Force power back to my control. I turned my gaze inward once more. The sphere was cold and smooth like glass. Its reflective surface mirrored the stars inside my head, except for a dark patch where Ren's black aura blotted them out.

'You need to release its energy,' he explained. 'But don't let it go all at once, or else it goes off like a bomb. Let it expand slowly.'

I spread my incorporeal hands apart and the sphere grew between them. Bits of power began to peel off, spreading and separating around me as if blown by a cosmic wind. Piece by piece, the energy dissipated back into the Force web. Half a minute later, it was gone.

'You have a lot to learn,' Ren sighed. 'Why are you here?'

'I want to talk.'

'I don't.'

'I want to talk about Potentium.'

That caught his attention. I sensed his focus deepen and turn inward, toward my end of the bond, and he waited.

'On Jakku, when I was younger, there was a time where I lived as a slave. Not to Unkar Plutt, but to another scavenger. His name was Krewzu. Every morning he'd haul me out to the Graveyard. He taught me most of what I know about scavenging, but I had to surrender everything I found. I once tried hiding a half-empty fuel cell from him. Krewzu found it and beat me til I bled. He told me I owned nothing except the air in my lungs and the shit in my bowels. After that, I feared him more than anything in the galaxy.

'Several months later, I found a body while scavenging. There was a metal blade stabbed up between its ribs. I wanted to use it to kill Krewzu. I'd never taken a life before, though, and I was terrified at the thought of attacking him. The only thing that scared me more than killing Krewzu was living as his property the rest of the life. That was the moment I understood that fear only controlled my life if I let it.'

'What happened to him?'

'Krewzu didn't find the blade till I'd put it through his heart. What I had once feared became the easiest thing I ever did.'

'Does Potentium frighten you?'

'No. The dark side frightens me, and I worry that Potentium is a path straight toward it. But I don't want to blindly follow the Jedi code for the rest of my life, either.'

My words were honest, but they were also what Ren needed to hear as proof I'd changed my mind about Potentium. I took a deep breath. There was no turning back after this.

'So I will help you, Kylo Ren. We can explore the theory of Potentium and see what's possible. You think the dark and light sides of the Force can be combined without repercussions, and I hope you're right. But I have conditions.'

Ren's energy stirred in my head, a churning mixture of excitement and satisfaction. 'And they are?'

'You claimed that with Potentium, good or evil cannot manifest in our use of the Force, but only in the intent of our actions. So wherever we go, whatever we do, our intentions will only be good. If you even hint at wanting to use the Force to cause corruption or pain or harm while in my presence, we are finished. We are done. I will draw my lightsaber and take your head off.'

'I accept,' he said after a grudging pause.

'I wasn't finished. I'm not leaving the Resistance, so don't ask me any questions about it or our plans, and I'll do the same for you and the Order. And while we're researching Potentium, we won't represent anyone but ourselves. So you can't wear your helmet.'

'Agreed,' he said again, though the word was hard and clipped and rattled in my head. 'And how shall we use our powers for good?' he asked, a mocking lilt to his voice.

'I have something in mind…'

–

–

–

"Why are we here again?" Ren grumbled two days later as he walked down the ramp of his ship. He looked out over the torched landscape that appeared to have never seen a lick of rain, despite the storm that had nearly taken our lives just days before.

"I made a promise," I replied, and with no further explanation started walking across the hard-packed sand to the village carved into the cliff.

The Grylix chattered in excitement at our arrival. Children intertwined with each other around my feet while the adults scampered up the stone walls of the cave to meet me at eye-level. Several of them held out small gifts in their prehensile tails: shining rocks, a desert flower, bright yarn twisted artfully around a twig. I tucked them into my vest pocket and chirped thanks in their own language, which made them all squeal in happiness.

A few Gryls had taken cautious interest in Ren and circled around his feet, but he just stood still and watched me.

A Gryl approached us, hobbling a bit on her injured leg. Her name was Mer, and she was the mother of the Force user I had recently recruited from the tribe. Her daughter, Ammen, had used the Force to break her fall and saved her life.

"How is Ammen?" Mer asked me.

"Making friends fast. She asked me to give you this." I took a geode from my pocket that Ammen had found in the caves of Emmett II.

Mer wrapped her tail tightly around the gift and bobbed her head up in down in silent thanks.

The tribe led us through several cramped corridors which burrowed deeper into the rock of the plateau. We entered a large audience chamber, the same one I had sat in a few days ago while asking the tribe to allow Ammen to join the Resistance. I remembered how my hands had trembled the entire time, both from nerves and from the lingering, phantom feeling of Ren's forehead pressed against my own.

The Grylix's leader waited for us, seated on a pillow. She was large for her race, nearly three feet tall, and decorated with bead necklaces, a cape of gleaming feathers and other gifts given to her by her tribe.

"Thank you for allowing Ammen to begin her Jedi training with the Resistance," I said to her. "We are here to help, as promised."

She bowed her head and her tongue flicked out the front of her mouth. 'I knew you would return, Rey of Jakku.' She then spoke a curiously worded phrase, one that I had never heard before and struggled to interpret, but my face lit up once I caught the meaning.

"What did she say to you?" Ren asked as the tribe swept us out of the room.

"Your soul is as bright as the sun, I think is what it translates to. The sun is a religious symbol to them. It was... a blessing, in a way."

"She's not the only one who sees light in you," Ren replied. I looked at him in surprise but he simply continued walking, careful not to step on the Gryls underfoot.

The tribe led us down a corridor that dead-ended in a pile of rocks and gravel. A few Gryls chirped in mournful sorrow at the sight.

"This leads to our Ramarode. Our temple," the Grylix's leader explained. "After the storm, the path was blocked. Can you clear it?"

I studied the stone rubble, then glanced over at Ren and translated the leader's request. "We need to use the Force to clear this cave-in."

"As long as we have good intentions," he said with a slight sneer.

I pushed a few waves of Force energy at the cave-in and sensed a jumbled mass of rocks in the corridor beyond us. It would take weeks to dig out by hand, which was why the Grylix hadn't even tried.

Power had already started coalescing around Ren, emerging as inky black cords twisting around his forearms. I crafted a sphere of Force power like I had a few days ago, when I'd contacted him through the Force for the first time. Ren glanced over, recognizing the technique.

"Don't take more than you can handle," he warned. "My head hurt for hours last time."

I didn't answer, focused on finding the right balance of mass that would pull the Force web toward me without losing control. I tested the sphere's weight in my head and then dropped it like a boulder into a pond. A wave of power rushed at me, but it wasn't overwhelming like before and I caught it all with ease. The energy materialized as symmetrical golden lines all around me. I would never grow tired of seeing my Force signature emerge out of thin air.

We mentally pressed forward against the rocks. We pushed and shoved and our separate masses of Force energy caused individual rocks to tremble and shift, but the pile of rubble didn't budge.

I exhaled and stepped back. How would I have done this as a scavenger?

"Let's try making a net," I suggested. Ren looked ready to scoff at my suggestion, but then I mentally snatched a scrap of dark energy from the air next to him and swiftly wove it into my more orderly Force signature. "See? Like this. They'll reinforce each other and apply pressure against the rocks more evenly."

He frowned, but this time it was in concentration. For a few minutes we worked in silence, combining the energy we had summoned separately into an intricately braided structure that hung in mid-air. When we were done, I had to admit it looked impressive: a shining, golden lattice interwoven with shadowy black cords.

"Last time we merged energy like this, I wound up inside your head. Why isn't that happening now?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "Something we'll have to research as part of Potentium. We both have better control over our powers right now, I think. And we're not about to die. Ready?"

I nodded and we moved forward again, jointly pushing on the net of Force energy. It melded to the shape of the rocks in front of us, and as we pressed forward the entire corridor shivered from our efforts. The rocks grumbled and shifted a few inches. I pushed harder, placing my hands directly against the mass of power in front of me, and strained with muscles both physical and mental.

Beside me, Ren did the same, and the entire pile shifted forward inch by agonizing inch. After a minute, my arms burned and I desperately wanted to stop and catch my breath, but then Ren growled and gave the entire mass a hard shove. The rubble from the cave-in lurched forward a foot, and the extra momentum leant us more power.

We made steady progress after that, every slow step forward moving us closer to the end of the corridor. The rocks scratched against each other as they dislodged piece by piece. With a final heave, the rubble spilled out of the corridor, clearing its path completely.

Ren and I stepped into a large cavern that was shaped roughly like a dome. The ceiling had eroded away at the highest point. The hole let in enough natural sunlight to illuminate the space. The floor sloped down steeply until it was submerged under several feet of clear water. A brilliant shaft of sunlight illuminated a solitary rocky island in the center of the cavern.

The Grylix tribe crowded past us as they cheered and chittered in celebration. The noise echoed around the temple. Some of them dove straight into the water and swam out to the island. They laid down on the sun-warmed rock and appeared to settle in for a long, relaxing nap in the afternoon heat.

"I might adopt their religion if it means I can take naps all day," I said, though privately I thought their temple, the Ramarode, was one of the most beautiful places I'd ever seen.

I turned to see Ren's reaction, and was startled by the look of utter defeat in his eyes.

"Why are you upset?" I asked.

"I've started down a path I can't turn back from," he muttered, more to himself than me.

I caught his arm as he turned to leave the temple. "We both have."

I already knew that following Potentium outside the confines of the Jedi code would leave a permanent mark on the way I used the Force. Ren shrugged off my grip and left the temple. As I watched him go, I wondered what kind of mark he was going to leave on my soul.

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

_In the previous chapter: Leia asks Rey to secretly work with Kylo Ren on Potentium and turn him away from Snoke and the First Order. Rey reluctantly accepts. She and Ren complete their first Potentium mission together by clearing the path to the Grylix tribe's temple, the Ramarode._

* * *

 

"Do you have that list for me, Finn?"

"Yeah. Got it right here. Somewhere." Finn's origins as a Stormtrooper were clear from the messy piles of binders and holopads stacked around his office. He had clearly never owned a desk before being appointed as the Resistance's chief strategy officer.

He slid a thin datapad out of a precarious stack and handed it to me. "These planets have been hit by the Order or sent us distress messages in the past couple days. What did you need it for, again?"

"I need to help people who've been hurt by the war," I replied, glancing through the list. "It's Luke's idea. He says there's more to being a Jedi than swinging a lightsaber. You know where all the recent fights between us the Order have been, so I thought those planets would have people who needed my help."

It didn't feel right at all, having to lie to Finn to cover up my secret meetings with Kylo Ren. But Leia had been strict on this point, and I knew Finn harbored no sympathy for Ren after he had split Finn's spine with his lightsaber.

"It's for your Jedi training? Look, I get that it's for a good cause, but isn't it a little dangerous? The First Order could find you."

I preferred my chances against a squadron of Stormtroopers as opposed to a moody and unpredictable First Order warlord. I slid the thin datapad into my pack and evaded Finn's question. "I'm not used to people worrying about me. It's a nice change."

"Some of us do more than worry," Finn replied, catching my hand in his own.

A strange moment passed, where Finn seemed desperate for me to hear something he hadn't actually said. But my hand sat limply in his grip, because the thought of being something more than a friend to Finn didn't excite me. It wouldn't be fair to force feelings for him when his own were so sincere.

So I smiled with my lips while I frowned with my eyes, and said, "I'll be fine. You don't need to worry."  _You don't need to fall in love with me._

–

–

–

"Why should I change?" Ren demanded. "No one will recognize me without the helmet."

"Normal people don't wear all black," I patiently explained. "We need to blend in better."

We were back on Gryl again, a week after our first Potentium mission, standing in the main room of Ren's ship. I had walked up the ramp as soon as he landed and pushed a bundle of worn clothes into his hands.

Ren cast a doubtful look at the pile I had handed him and then dumped them in a heap on the nearby bench. I frowned and was about to argue until he undid the belt around his waist and let it drop to the floor. His gloves followed a moment later, and before I could react he had stripped his bulky, black robe over his head. Underneath he thankfully wore a form-fitting shirt and black pants, but my face had already turned scarlet at the fact that he was undressing in front of me. I practically ran down the short hall into the refresher.

I donned my own disguise, a simple tan robe with a braided rope belt. I stared at my face in the mirror and wondered if I could use the Force to slow my heartbeat. Once I worked up the courage, I re-entered the main room of the ship.

Ren was now wearing loose trousers and a slightly soiled long-sleeved shirt, covered by a shabby leather vest made of Gundark hide. He had torn off a piece of the shirt's hem and tied his hair back from his face. I stared at the phantom of Ben Solo before me, and wondered when he'd last worn something other than Kylo Ren's heavy black garments.

He eyed me defensively, a little grumpy. "If you don't like how it looks, it's your fault."

I assured him that was not the case, but his prickly attitude didn't improve. He frowned when I asked him to hide his lightsaber and take a blaster instead. He sighed when I told him we were headed to a small moon in the Outer Rim. Then he sneered and asked what 'good intentions' I had planned for us.

"I don't have a plan," I admitted with a slight shrug. "We'll land and find someone who needs help."

"I agreed to your terms for working on Potentium. Wasting time was not one of them. And if it was, I'd rather waste it doing other things."

His gaze dropped to my lips for a fraction of a second. I gave him the same cool, imperious stare I'd often used on Unkar Plutt while negotiating portions.

"Fine. I'll go on my own."

The back of my neck prickled as I left the interior of his ship and walked down the boarding ramp. Through the bond, I sensed Ren struggling to clamp down on his rising temper. I was always wary of his anger, but was coming to realize that it was usually directed at no one but himself.

After a few seconds, the metal under my feet vibrated as he stomped down the ramp after me. I hid my grin as he brushed past and walked toward my transport. "The point was to work together on Potentium. You're not getting out of it that easily."

It was like being on a mission with Fariya all over again, Force powers and surly attitude included. I just hoped my patience could outlast Ren's temper.

–

–

–

My Jedi training didn't go much better.

Luke instructed Fariya and me to practice summoning Force energy from greater distances. I demonstrated my new ability to pull the Force web toward me. At first he was impressed, telling me it was an advanced technique. When I later admitted (out of earshot of Fariya) that I'd learned it from Ren, his mouth snapped shut and the pride drained from his face.

He switched me to a concentration exercise where I had to levitate a collection of rocks in mid-air for as long as possible. It had been easy at first, but my mind started to cramp and burn like I'd been holding my arm up above my head for too long. The largest rock kept sagging and hitting the ground.

Luke glanced up from his holopad. "Don't focus on pushing the rocks upward. Expand the Force between the rocks and the earth," he suggested. I could feel Fariya's eyes on the back of my head, watching us from across the room.

The heaviest stone fell to the ground once again. I growled in frustration and prodded it with a sharp poke of Force power to return it to its spot in the air.

"Careful, Rey. To draw your energy from anger is to mimic the Sith."

"It doesn't feel like the dark side to me," I insisted, for it truly didn't. I'd encountered the rumbling, soul shaking voice of the dark side in the forests of Starkiller. That voice and its violent urges hadn't invaded my thoughts since then, no matter how I used the Force.

"The energy is aligned with the purpose you give it," Luke replied.

"I used the Force to push the stone aloft, and it would rise the exact same way whether I had been irritated or serene. Intent and motive are not the same thing."

"It may seem that simple now, but continuing to use your power through a lens of negative emotions will leave its mark on you. I have seen it before."

"It's human nature to feel negative emotions," I countered. I wasn't trying to argue with him, not exactly, but I didn't fully grasp the need for such adamant adherence to an existence devoid of any feelings at all. "What matters most is channeling those emotions into a positive outcome."

"I will hear no more of this, Rey. The dark side claimed my father and nephew. It slaughtered the entire Jedi Order, including my own students."

He stopped short. I held my breath. Luke  _never_ talked about the generation of Jedi apprentices that Kylo Ren had destroyed.

He looked over at Fariya. "Please leave us."

Fariya's shoulders straightened. "You don't have to hide things from me. I'm a Jedi apprentice, just like Rey."

"Continue your exercises in your room," Luke continued, as if Fariya hadn't said a word. But teenagers had that special knack for seeking out sore spots and pressing on them relentlessly.

"Your father is Darth Vader. And your nephew would be Ben Solo, Leia's son." Her accuracy was penetrating to the point of being unnerving. "But he vanished a long time ago. You said he fell to the dark side? Is he still alive?"

Luke had grimaced at the painful mention of his family. I sensed a spark of fury in his aura that would have made even Kylo Ren hesitate. "No, Ben Solo was killed by the First Order. It's time for you to leave." His tone was the sort of thunderous calm that filled the room and left no space for argument.

Fariya sensed she had crossed a line and left the room, tossing me a sulky glare as she shut the door behind her.

Luke closed his eyes and let his emotions dissipate into the Force. I admired how willing he was to part with his own energy – to give it back to the Force so selflessly.

When Luke was calm, he spoke again: "Years ago, Ben and I spent a great deal of time travelling the galaxy together. Ben had arguments similar to yours about the use of the Force. It was difficult for me to understand his reasoning. He struggled with a lot of inner conflicts. More than I realized, at the time. He didn't find out the truth about his grandfather until he was twenty-three. Leia had kept it a secret while she pursued her political career in the Galactic Senate. But a rival politician found out, and told everyone. Once Ben realized he was a descendant of Darth Vader, a few well-placed words from Snoke were all it took to begin his descent into the dark side. Now you're working with him at Leia's request, and I worry…

"The dark side of the force is evil, Rey. I can say it no more plainly than that. I know that you must feel its pull when working with Potentium and Kylo Ren. I will not forbid you from using the Force in that manner because it serves a greater purpose. But you will not, under any circumstances, continue your investigation of its powers right in front of me during your Jedi training. To do so disrespects not only me, but also the Jedi Order and the students I've lost."

I bowed my head in shame. "I understand. You won't hear me speak of it again."

Secretly, though, I looked forward to the next time I could use the Force through Potentium.

–

–

–

Ren and I settled into a rhythm of going on Potentium missions once or twice a week. We'd meet on Gryl at a prearranged time and then travel together to a planet on Finn's list. We stuck close to common hyperspace lanes because being gone for too long raised odd questions for me. The same restrictions didn't seem to apply to Ren. While I was curious if Snoke knew what he was up to, I didn't ask.

Since the stark black silhouette of Ren's command shuttle was too recognizable, and the transport I'd been using was needed for hauling more than two people, Leia had discreetly scrounged up a Seltaya-class courier ship for my personal use. We traveled all over the galaxy on Potentium missions. The only conditions I'd stipulated were that we helped people, and in a galaxy ravaged by war, they were not difficult requirements to meet.

People would squint at us suspiciously when we approached, despite our – well,  _my_  – smile. Some were openly hostile and thought we served the First Order. To my dismay, just as many assumed we were part of the Resistance and treated us with equal contempt.

We heard rants and rumors and tales of grief and horror from every possible viewpoint. "The First Order were demons who'd slaughtered an entire star system" or "The Resistance are ruthless warmongers who should be shot on sight because they'd do the same to us" and "Wasn't their leader, Leia Organa, the daughter of Darth Vader? How could anyone trust her?"

The stories sparked heated arguments between me and Ren. Though my overarching goal was to turn him away from the First Order, he argued in his faction's favor with a zeal that made me see red. He explained away genocide, enslavement and destruction as requirements for progress and stability.

"To spread order, we must eliminate everyone who desires chaos," he'd once said, and I'd snapped back, "Then they should start with you." Ren had stormed off, ignited his lightsaber and taken out his anger on the first piece of native vegetation he could find.

He was like a half-feral cat, prone to showing its fangs to send a clear message. He scowled and sneered and my name was more often 'scavenger' than 'Rey.' Yet despite the aggravation of dealing with Ren's fanaticism for Snoke and the Order, we always worked well when we used the Force together through Potentium.

The insults dropped away, his focus changed, and I was suddenly working with an artist who was deeply passionate about mastering his craft. He commanded the Force with a tenacious willpower that was sometimes breathtaking in its intensity. I was coming to realize that he applied that same intensity to everything in his life. His hands would flex and pull against the power of the Force web, and for a split second I'd imagine skin in the place of air and feel a sudden feverish pulse deep in my belly.

Ren remained interested in the concept of using the dark and light side of the Force at the same time. However, he struggled to disconnect his powers from the fear and anger that had fueled him for so long, while I, of course, wanted nothing to do with the dark side. So we continued exploring the ideas of Potentium on safer ground, by individually summoning our light and dark side energy and then merging or blending it together.

The problems we solved were as varied as they were endless. Flametroopers had torched crops on Yarrum III, and the fields were still burning a day later when we showed up on the war-ravaged planet. Ren and I had pushed the oxygen in the air away from the fields to suffocate the fire.

A First Order transport had been abandoned after a crash landing on Wai-qoo's main moon. The impact had damaged its propulsion tank, which had been leaking poisonous gas into a valley near a rural village for days. While I donned a gas mask and stopped the leak inside the ship, Ren had siphoned the toxins out of the air and funneled them through the ship's still-functioning scrubber system.

A week after that, we were tasked with hunting down a pack of fellraptors that had been attacking the outskirts of a small city on Uth'tup. When the alpha raptor had cut my arm wide open, Ren offered to take care of it. I expected him to ask for first aid supplies, but to my extreme shock he went quiet and knit my skin together entirely with the Force. It was the calmest I'd ever seen him while using his powers. I caught a glimpse of who he could have been as Ben Solo, and mourned the death of someone I'd never even known.

The Potentium missions had slow changes on us both. I noticed that Ren's Force signature – the inky black cords that wound over his body – were less constrained than before. The cords had loosened into wisps of charcoal gray smoke, and sometimes formed dotted patterns in the air around him, like drops of oil mixed with water.

My own Force signature had changed as well: the golden lines and patterns were no longer perfectly symmetrical and straight. A line would have a sudden loop in it, or curl like a strand of wavy hair. Whole patches of lines would sway upwards and merge into each other, as if following the shape of a fingerprint.

The changes were obvious, but we never talked about them. In fact, we didn't talk much at all. Our trips through hyperspace were usually quiet since I had never acquired the art of making small talk, and Ren was the least chatty person I knew.

After the constant noise of the Resistance base, I appreciated the silence, but it forced us to develop an odd familiarity with each other. I could recognize Ren's exact mood by the sharpness of his frown. He knew the difference between when I was silent because I was annoyed, as opposed to when I simply had nothing to say. We sometimes communicated solely through our bond even when we were right next to each other. It was faster to send flashes of thoughts or emotions rather than waste time translating them into words.

My mission from Leia was never far from my thoughts, though for those first few months, I barely made any progress on it. It was like playing a careful and deliberate game of sabacc. Ren couldn't be dragged away from the dark side unwillingly, or perhaps even knowingly. It had to come slowly, like the way I scavenged parts from a ship. I would dismantle it a little more every time I visited, sifting through the junk piece by piece to uncover the parts that were still intact and valuable.

With Ren, I had to take apart something that didn't physically exist: his belief in the superiority of the Order, the poison from years of Snoke's lies. I had to dig through layers of cruelty and spite, the bedrock of fear and hatred, past the darkness of self-loathing and haunting, overwhelming loneliness, and hope that something at the core of Kylo Ren's existence was actually worth saving.

It was hard to not look at him and feel overwhelmed.

Leia was right, though. I was the best person the Resistance had for this mission. I was a scavenger, after all, skilled at finding tiny treasures that had been tucked away and lost for years. If anyone could find the last few remaining pieces of Ben Solo, it would be me.

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

_In the previous chapter: A few months pass as Rey and Kylo Ren continue their Potentium missions in secret. Rey hides the true nature of her missions from Finn. Aspects of Potentium start affecting her Jedi training, to Luke's great displeasure. Rey knows she's somewhat overwhelmed by the task of luring Kylo Ren away from the First Order, but she's determined to not give up on her mission._

* * *

 

We had just landed on Gryl after finishing a Potentium mission when Ren spoke up. "I'm not leaving yet. Supreme Leader has been aggravating me."

"Alright. Let's go to the Gryl's temple and meditate." My words came easily, though nervousness buzzed through my veins. I had waited for an opportunity like this for weeks: a crack in the facade of devotion Ren had built around his master.

The Grylix were glad to see us and herded us to the Ramarode. Once there, the majority of them scattered back into the tunnels, though a few followed us in. They slid through the water and curled up to sleep on the sunlit island in the middle.

I toed off my boots and peeled my socks off as well. A thin rocky ledge hugged the edge of the cavern, and I walked along it to find a spot where I could sit and dip my feet in the pool. My footing was cautious but sure. I had crawled through the wreckage of enormous ships in the Graveyard for years, the floor a mere memory far below me.

A blur moved out of the corner of my eye as Ren dove into the pool. He gracefully slid through the water, though I was much more preoccupied with the fact he was shirtless. He surfaced a few yards away, hair plastered to the side of his head.

"Come swimming."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." It apparently hadn't registered with Ren that the only place to go swimming on Jakku was in a happabore trough.

He pushed a wave of water at me with the Force. "Just jump in."

I studied Ren floating in the pool and considered my options. Taking off my robe was not one of them, though a mischievous inner voice wondered if Ren would like what he saw. I'd wanted to try swimming ever since I'd seen the lakes of Takodana, and though I'd never tried it before, Ren made it look simple. I knew that humans could float better in water compared to other alien races, and I could call on my Force powers to keep my head above water if needed.

So I held my breath, jumped, broke through the still surface of the pool... and sank like a stone. Cold water crushed against my head and my plans of using the Force to stay afloat were gone in an instant. I had never been completely submerged underwater before and it was  _terrifying_. I panicked and flailed and couldn't understand why my limbs moved so sluggishly. I screamed but the sound came out as a cloud of bubbles and traveled toward the surface. I didn't know how to follow them to reach the air. I didn't know  _what to do_.

Suddenly, Ren grabbed me around my torso and hauled me upward. We broke through the surface and I coughed water out of my lungs till my entire face was sore and my throat burned. It was only then I realized Ren still held me in the pool, his arms wrapped around my waist. He had moved to the edge where he was tall enough to stand. Water lapped at a spot just below his collarbone. My hands clung to his shoulders, his shoulder muscles clenched tight underneath my fingers.

A blush seared my cheeks, but my body bloomed with a different kind of heat. A ghostly thought breathed down my spine – a memory of the last time we had been this close, foreheads pressed together and heartbeats rising.  _I won't let you forget it_ , he had promised me, as if I'd have trouble remembering.

Motion jolted me from my thoughts. One of Ren's hands had tightened around my waist while the other broke free of the surface of the pool. He brushed several beads of water off of my forehead, where they'd been about to drip into my eyes.

I focused on the water's cold, prickling bite against my skin to cool the heat in my body. I had to say something, anything, to break the silence.

"I don't know how to swim." It was lame, but enough to shatter the moment. Ren's hand slipped back into the pool and settled around my waist again.

"You should've told me." His tone was lightly scolding and a sly grin rose to his lips. "You need a teacher."

I laughed despite the rush of unpleasant memories from our confrontation on Starkiller. Ren's grin turned sort of crooked, pleased with my reaction.

He showed me how to tread water first, letting me hang on to his arm as I gently kicked the water to stay afloat. "It'd be a lot easier if you took off your robe," he told me, and though I believed him, I aimed an underwater kick in his direction and replied, "Not a chance!" Then he taught me how to lean forward and use my kicks to propel myself, combined with moving my arms in a sweeping motion that pulled me in whatever direction I wanted to go. Once I got the hang of the forward stroke, Ren demonstrated the backstroke which I preferred since it kept the water out of my face.

My fall had woken the Gryls napping on the rocky island in the middle of the cavern. Once they saw us swimming, they hopped into the water and curled around us like reptilian otters, chirping in excitement. One of them boldly climbed on Ren's shoulder while he was treading water, and I was afraid he'd push it off in disgust. But he just looked at it, and when the Gryl rubbed its snout against the silkiness of Ren's wet hair, he tolerated it with a quiet sigh.

We spent half an hour gliding in circles around the cavern. Once we were tired from swimming we climbed up onto the rocky island in the center to sit in the warmth of the afternoon sun.

Ren wrung water out of his sopping wet pants. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. Shadows from the light overhead wrapped around his muscles, and I imagined my own hands drifting across his skin in their place.

Then he turned his head, and gave me a wolfish grin when he caught me staring. I averted my gaze and focused very hard on squeezing water out of my robe.

Ren laid down on his back next to me, folding his arms under his head and letting the sun's heat dry him the rest of the way. His eyes closed and his chest rose and fell with calm, even breaths. I thought he was meditating until I dipped into his head and realized he was taking a nap.

The Gryls had slipped out of the temple, leaving us alone together in the cavern. My arms and legs tingled, though I decided it must be the sensation of water evaporating from my skin.

I began to pull my hair out of its customary triplet of buns, hoping it would dry faster in the heat. As my fingers followed the familiar routine, my mind returned to the moment with Ren in the pool. As hard as I tried, I couldn't rationalize the way my body had flooded with warmth. How I'd squeezed the muscles of his broad shoulders harder than necessary. The fact that I'd still been drowning even as he held me above-water in his arms.

What had gone wrong in my head? Ren served a tyrant who found it acceptable to destroy entire star systems. He had used his own power and authority to kill people. He'd pushed his father's dying body off of a bridge. Why was I trying to convince myself to look beyond that? Did I truly believe that he was capable of redemption? That he  _deserved_ it?

My answer should have been an immediate and absolute no. I should have yelled at Ren for goading me into jumping in the pool in the first place. I should have agreed with Luke when I'd had the chance, and told Leia exactly how dangerous this mission would be. Ren should have been off-limits in every conceivable way.

And yet.

He had worked on Potentium for the past few months without (much) complaint. He hadn't pried about the Resistance, tried to sneak inside my head, or harmed me in any way. He was searching for something that Snoke and the Order couldn't give him. I wondered if Potentium was helping him find it.

To distract myself, I used the Force to suspend a collection of rocks in mid-air. I had only practiced this exercise during Jedi training, and was unsurprised to learn that I could hold the rocks still for much longer when I had a head full of emotions to draw power from.

However, my mind still started to burn after fifteen minutes had passed. The rocks began trembling and the heaviest rock eventually slipped out of my control. It fell and bounced into Ren's side. He sent a flicker of irritation into my head. He opened his eyes to stare at the rock, but the caustic remark forming on his end of the bond vanished when his gaze turned to me.

I thought he was surprised to recognize the levitating stone exercise from his own Jedi training with Luke. Several seconds passed and his unwavering attention became too distracting.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"I didn't know your hair was so long."

His answer caught me completely off guard. He had never seen it unbound and loose around my face before. I tucked several strands behind my ears and redoubled my concentration on the rocks hovering in front me. Ren's mind brushed through my own, sensing how I had wrapped my power around the individual stones.

"You're only pushing the stones up," he said. "But you're not the size of a planet. Gravity will always win. You need to push back down against the ground, too. That's what Skywalker means when he talks about expanding the Force."

It sounded so obvious when he phrased it that way. I refreshed my grip on my Force power and started to press in two directions instead of just one. The change in the rocks was immediate: they no longer trembled in place, and hung motionless as if they'd been placed there millennia ago and never moved.

I delicately unwrapped my power from each stone one at a time. They slipped into the pool with quiet dignity. "Luke's noticed a change since I've started using the Force through Potentium. He's going to ask questions before too long."

It was a lie, of course. Luke knew exactly what I was up to and he hated it. But I had to keep up appearances that no one knew I was here, and my admission allowed me to segue into a question I'd been genuinely curious about: "Was it Snoke who first told you about Potentium?"

"No, I came across it on my own."

"Does he know that we are researching it together?"

"Yes. He thinks it will further his goal of destroying the Resistance and the Jedi."

I swallowed hard. His honesty was painful to hear. "Is that what you plan to do?"

"I don't make plans. I follow the orders of Supreme Leader." Suddenly, Ren winced and pressed a hand against his temple. "He's looking for me. I hate when he does that. Gives me a headache every time."

He looked exhausted and frustrated. Part of me raged at the idea of pitying him. He had made his own choices, horrible as they were, and deserved every moment of pain those decisions caused him. But the other part of me picked up his hand and started massaging a pressure point in his palm. He tried to jerk his hand away, unnerved at being touched, but my grip was firm and I didn't let go.

"It relieves headaches," I told him, calmly meeting his irate glare.

"I know it does," he grumbled. "I've suffered from them since I was young."

I continued massaging his hand, working the tension out of his skin. "What made you interested in Potentium?"

"It was a way to explore the Force on my terms, and mine alone. People have been telling me how to use the Force my entire life. First Skywalker and his antiquated Jedi bullshit. Then Supreme Leader pushed me toward the Knights, and Darth Vader. He wants me to finish the mission my grandfather failed to complete."

"Destroying the Jedi? Darth Vader didn't fail that mission. He abandoned it. He returned to the light side to save Luke."

"Lord Vader succumbed to sentiment and let his son defeat him," Ren argued. "I vowed to kill my father like Skywalker killed his. It should have proven that I was stronger than Vader. Killing Han Solo should have given me answers. But it left me with weakness."

"Do you regret inheriting Vader's mission?"

He gave me a sharp glance and shook his head. "Lord Vader sought to replace chaos with stability, a principle the First Order upholds to this day. I have no issues with that. No, my doubts lie only with Supreme Leader. He can't help me find the answers I seek."

"Who can?"

He looked up at me, his eyes dark and fathomless.

"You, I think."

My fingers faltered. There were a million things I wanted to say to him, but I never had the chance because the entire Grylix tribe flooded into the temple, chittering at the top of their lungs.

"What riled them up?" Ren asked, irritated at the noise, or perhaps the interruption.

I listened to their echoing words, then dropped Ren's hand and jumped to my feet. "Someone is here."

We Force jumped off of the island so our clothes didn't get wet again and scrambled to throw on our shoes. We ran to the entrance of the Gryl's cliffside village, where the caves opened up and met the path that wound up from the base of the plateau. The Grylix didn't follow us, but I could hear their chirps and warbles echoing through the caves above us as they sought safer vantage points at the edge of the cliff.

I reached the mouth of the cave, and after my eyes adjusted to the late afternoon sun I saw a familiar figure approaching the village, blaster in hand.

"It's Finn," I gasped.

He looked up and saw me, and a brilliant smile split his face. "Rey!"

We jogged forward to meet each other. "Rey, what are you doing here? Don't you recognize that ship?" he asked, pointing to Kylo's command shuttle parked far below us.

"Yes, I recognize it."

Finn twirled his wrist in a circle, as if I should be drawing a very obvious conclusion. "So that means he's here, and we need  _to go_.  _Now._ " He grabbed my hand and gave it a strong tug.

I made the mistake of glancing over my shoulder, to the spot where Ren was hidden in the shadows at the back of the cave. Finn dropped my hand as horrible realization crept across his features. "You know he's here. That's why you came. Rey, are you under a mind trick?" He gripped either side of my head and tilted it around, staring into my eyes from different angles. "Are you in there? Are you okay?"

"Finn, stop it!" I grimaced as I pushed his hands away. "I'm fine. It's me."

A deep voice spoke from behind me. "Rey is here under her own free will." Ren had emerged from the cave, eyes glittering and ready for a fight.

Finn immediately positioned himself between us. He puffed out his chest, aimed his blaster at Kylo and fired several times.

I started to cry out, but in that split second Ren threw his hand forward and wrapped enough Force power around the bolts to abruptly freeze them in mid-air. They vibrated and crackled, angry at being unnaturally restrained.

Ren had repelled my blaster bolts with his lightsaber on Takodana, and I'd seen his skill with Force telekinesis during Potentium missions, but my mouth fell open in shock all the same.

The Grylix tribe had scattered, retreating from their vantage points above us in the cliff face. Their normally inquisitive chirps had transformed into anxious yowls and angry hisses. My heart sank – blaster fire from strangers wasn't winning the Resistance any friends.

Meanwhile, an ugly look crossed Finn's face. He spoke to me without taking his gaze off of Ren. "Rey, Kylo Ren used that same power against Poe before he took him prisoner and tortured him. That same night he slaughtered a defenseless old man and had a whole village butchered by Stormtroopers. He's still that person. Never forget that."

Then Finn stopped, and sort of stared at Ren for a long second, before asking him, "What are you  _wearing_?"

Ren scowled down at his outfit: the same vest, tan shirt, and loose pants I'd given him several weeks ago, now sporting some extra dirt and several new rips in the fabric.

"It's what he wears for training," I said quickly. "That's what we're doing here. We've been training together. In secret."

Finn's mouth dropped open, and his features screwed up into an incredulous look of disgust.

"Are you crazy?" he yelled at me. "Training with  _Kylo Ren_? Why would you do something so stupid?"

"No stupider than firing that blaster at me, FN-2187," Ren drawled.

Finn bristled at the sound of his old name and raised his blaster again.

" _You,_ " I pointed at Ren, "are  _not helping._  Knock it off." I pulled at Finn's arm, but he refused to back down.

"If I catch you anywhere near her again, I'll kill you," he warned Kylo. The Knight made a sharp hand gesture that violently ripped the crackling blaster bolts to shreds.

"Let's just go," I urged Finn. "We were done here anyway."

'No, we weren't,' Ren growled at me privately through the bond.

'Stop it, Kylo,' I snapped into his head, exasperated with both of them. 'If you hurt Finn, I'm finished with Potentium. Forever. You'll never find your answers.'

Finn glanced between me and Ren. I was positive he knew about the invisible conversation passing between us. However, when Ren took a step backward, he did the same and gradually lowered the blaster.

I shot Ren a final look of warning and pulled Finn into step beside me. We left the Grylix village behind, descending to the base of the plateau where all three starships gleamed in the sun.

I glanced back over my shoulder and saw Ren's tiny black figure watching us from the mouth of the cave. 'You're teaching me how to freeze blaster bolts,' I sent him through the bond, but he didn't answer.

"How did you find me?" I asked Finn.

"I stuck a transmitter on your ship," he admitted. I held in a sharp reprimand. Though I appreciated having friends who cared, stalking me across the galaxy seemed nearly as intrusive as the times Kylo Ren had barged into my head. "I was worried about you. I never knew where you were going because you always wiped the coordinate logs from your ship. Guess now I know why."

"Finn, please listen. This is important. Luke and Leia know I'm here. Leia asked me to try to turn Kylo Ren away from the Order. It's been my secret mission for a few months now. Ren doesn't know. Nobody does. I'm sorry I lied to you."

Finn held up his palm, bitterness written all over his face. "If I wasn't told about this from the start, don't try explaining it now. I guess being the chief strategy officer of the Resistance doesn't mean much to some people. I came after you because there's been an attack. We had a bad clash with the Order. Prisoners were taken."

"Who?"

"We have Captain Phasma."

"But… who else?"

"The Order got Fariya."

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

_In the previous chapter: Rey and Ren spend some time together in the Gryl's temple after a Potentium mission. Ren reveals that he doubts Snoke can answer his questions about the Force. Finn tracks Rey to Gryl and is angry to find her there with Ren._

* * *

 

"They came out of nowhere," Poe explained miserably. We were standing by the main entrance to the Resistance command center. "One minute we're on the ground refueling at a starport in the Nazzareem capital, the next there's Stormtroopers piling out of a transport and the whole place is getting lit up by blaster fire. We don't know if the Order knew we were there or just got lucky with a random patrol."

"How did they end up with Fariya?" I asked.

Poe grimaced and gestured to his bandaged leg. "I got clipped and went down hard behind a cruiser. Fariya ran out to distract the bucketheads. Kid's got a lot of spirit. She sounded like she was handling herself. That's the last time anyone saw her."

I made a mental note to tell Fariya about Poe's compliment, when – not if – we got her back.

"Luke took down Phasma – now  _that_ was one hell of a fight – and was telling her to order the Stormtroopers to surrender. But instead, they retreated. We didn't know they'd taken Fariya until we regrouped."

"Are you sure they have her? She could be hiding somewhere on Nazzareem."

BB-8 rolled back and forth in agitation as he beeped and blooped from his spot at Poe's feet.

"They sent us proof?" Dread curdled in my stomach.

BB-8 projected a blue hologram of Fariya. Dried blood streaked across her temple, and she was furiously screaming straight at the camera. Though no audio accompanied the short clip, it was clear that the fury in her eyes barely overrode her terror.

"The ambush happened around noon base time. That showed up two hours later," Poe said, averting his eyes from the hologram.

I knew I had to help. Fariya was like the little sister I'd often wished for, even though I hadn't realized how  _annoying_ sisters could be.

Leia sat at a cluttered desk in the command center, reviewing reports in a rare moment of solitude. I dropped into a crouch next to her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner," I spoke in a low voice. "Is there a plan to get Fariya back?"

"We sent a message to the First Order after they sent that horrible holo clip. We want to negotiate terms for a prisoner exchange. Among other things." Leia glanced at the chrono on her desk. "That was an hour ago. If Snoke doesn't agree to it soon, we're going to plan a rescue. We'll be faced with some hard choices about what to do with Phasma."

I understood her meaning perfectly: the Resistance would interrogate Phasma for knowledge of the First Order. Kylo Ren had done it to me, after all, and the Order was certainly ruthless enough to do it to Fariya.

"What would it take to convince Phasma to tell us anything useful?" I wondered aloud.

"I hope we aren't forced to find out."

An awful thought occurred to me: would Luke and I be asked to use the Force to interrogate Phasma? There had to be another way to resolve this stalemate.

"I could talk to… you know…"

Leia's eyes widened in realization. She nodded in consent.

I leaned against the wall in a corner of the command center and sank into the Force, seeking out Ren at the far end of our bond.

'Are you with Fariya?'

'No. She is Hux's prisoner, not mine.'

'Is she hurt? I saw the holo clip.'

'She's unconscious right now. Induced by a med droid. I'm scheduled to interrogate her once she wakes up.'

'If you interrogate Fariya the same way you did me, you'll violate the treatment protocols that protect prisoners of war.'

'That doesn't concern me.'

'Kylo,  _don't._  She's just a girl.'

Agitation flashed through the bond. 'You mistake your influence on me,' he replied in a low, threatening tone. 'Potentium is the only exception I make for you.'

Ren was better than this. My fists clenched and I decided to try a different tactic. 'So is Snoke ignoring General Organa's message?'

'Message?'

'The one she sent an hour ago! We want to exchange prisoners. Fariya for Phasma.'

My head was empty for a long moment, and then Kylo said in a stiff tone: 'No one has informed me. Yet, I mean. I've only just now returned to the Finalizer.'

'Why didn't Snoke accept the terms immediately? Isn't Phasma valuable to the Order?'

Kylo's mirthless chuckle echoed through our bond. 'Snoke considers Phasma's loss an inconvenient setback. Hux thinks differently, though.'

'What do you mean? Are she and Hux…?'

'I don't understand their relationship any better than I do ours. But yes, in some twisted sense, they are together.'

'Then you and Hux need to convince Snoke to meet with the Resistance so we can negotiate the exchange.'

'Nothing good will come from this, Rey. Are you sure you're that desperate to have her back?'

' _Yes._ '

He scoffed in my head. 'You owe me.'

I pulled back from the connection and returned to Leia's side. I put my hand on her shoulder and leaned down to speak quietly in her ear.

"Kylo is speaking to Snoke about the exchange."

Leia's hand settled on my own and squeezed. "Thank you," she whispered.

An hour later, Leia called a meeting in the command center. "I received word from Snoke. The Order has agreed to meet to negotiate a prisoner exchange. Along with terms for the future of the planet of Nazzareem, and rules of engagement for future discord." She spoke the last word with no small amount of sarcasm. "Snoke's term, not mine."

"I'll ask the obvious question," Poe said. "What do they have to gain from this? Could it be a trap?"

Finn spoke up: "It would cause days, if not weeks of delays to replace Captain Phasma. She leads the entire Stormtrooper army as their Captain of the Guard. No one in the First Order is considered irreplaceable, but she's the closest thing to it. And she's important to Hux."

I already knew what Finn meant. It took the others longer to read between the lines.

"You mean to say we have Hux's  _girlfriend_?" Poe asked.

Finn grimaced at the mental image. "There were rumors. That's all I know. But it might be enough to get the Order to play by the rules."

Leia glanced down at notes scrawled on her datapad. "The meeting will take place in neutral territory, with only a few representatives from each side. Snoke will be accompanied by Hux and Kylo Ren. Who should represent the Resistance?"

The group called out several names.

"Poe and Finn should go with you. They won't let Snoke bully you around," Snap Wexley said.

"Major Ematt is a veteran of the Galactic Civil War. He has the most experience with negotiations," Admiral Statura said.

Leia nodded at the assembled group as she considered their suggestions. "Finn, I'd appreciate your insight."

Finn looked around at the gathered faces. "If the First Order is bringing Force users, then we absolutely must match that. Luke should go."

Several heads nodded in agreement.

"Luke is more than a match for Snoke," Poe agreed. "And Rey has handled Kylo Ren on her own, multiple times. None of the rest of us can say that. She should go, too."

More people nodded and a few people verbally expressed their support for the idea. Finn shot a miffed look at Poe, no doubt disturbed at the idea of me being anywhere near Ren.

"Luke and Rey will accompany me, then," Leia decided, entering notes into her datapad. "Along with Phasma and some guards to watch her."

Luke had been quiet throughout the meeting, but he cleared his throat now and stated, "I hope you're planning for us to make it out of the meeting alive."

Leia sighed and lowered the datapad. "An old acquaintance of Han's is a professional broker for political negotiations. Snoke agreed to make arrangements through him."

Luke's eye started to twitch. "You don't mean… you can't be thinking…"

"We're going to Skunkt."

–

–

–

According to Finn and Poe, Skunkt was the most wretched place in the entire galaxy.

It was a space station in the Outer Rim, which allowed it to exist without pesky things like planetary oversight or safety regulations. Members of the galaxy's underworld congregated on Skunkt to engage in illegal business ventures, pursue entertainment banned on a majority of planets in the galaxy, or simply vanish from existence. Criminal syndicates from a dozen different systems shared ownership of the space station. While they happily fought amongst themselves to enforce their turf, none of them put the same amount of effort into maintenance.

We left Emmett II the next morning as the sun poked around the peak of Skybreacher. It took a few hours of travel to reach Skunkt. The space station was located far away from official hyperspace lanes, requiring me to drop out of hyperspace several times during the trip to manually orient the ship for the next jump.

We left the swirling blue light speed tunnel one final time and emerged in front of an enormous space station that blotted out half the stars in the sky. Skunkt was shaped like several discs of decreasing size stacked on top of one another, all held together by a central core trunk.

Leia directed me to a privately owned hangar situated on the underside of the largest disc. After we paid the exorbitant docking fee, I maneuvered our transport into a spot close to the hangar exit and killed the engines.

Whispered voices started pressing against the inside of my skull. The space station was an electrified pit of greed and despair, and they seeped through my mental shields like an irksome leak I couldn't plug.

"I'm keeping the ship's shields up," I said over my shoulder to Luke and Leia. "It's just a precaution. A lot of ships did it on Jakku. It'll drain the fuel cells faster, but the protection is worth the cost."

Leia nodded in agreement at me, and left the cockpit to give final instructions to the four guards who would be watching Phasma in our absence. The three of us donned hooded robes, exited the transport and approached a door set in the wall of the hangar.

"Follow me," Leia ordered, "and don't get separated."

We pulled our hoods low over our faces and stepped out of the hangar into complete and absolute chaos.

No one with an ounce of common sense, a shred of respectability, or a functioning sense of smell should have been caught dead at Skunkt. But those criteria clearly ruled out only a small portion of the galaxy, because Skunkt was  _packed_. I thought I'd seen a fair share of the galaxy's races at Niima Outpost, but every step down the corridor proved me more and more wrong.

As we pushed through the crowded corridor, I saw flashes of glowing, neon feathers, fur clipped into geometric patterns, and smooth, transparent skin stretched like plastic over organs – all of this belonging to races I'd never dreamed lived in the same galaxy as I did. Nearly everyone spoke in their native language instead of Basic, which only added to the waves of stimuli battering all of my senses. Stars above, the emotions running through this place were almost torturous in their intensity: brash and insistent and coarse, screaming at me from all sides.

I didn't realize I'd stumbled to a halt, lost inside my own head, until Luke looped his arm through my own and dragged me forward.

"Shields, Rey.  _Now._ "

I gulped and sucked energy into my head, rebuilding my mental shields so they were thick and dense enough to muffle everything outside of my own thoughts.

"There is no emotion, there is peace," he prompted as we continued down the corridor after Leia. The torrent of voices faded, like I was hearing a boisterous gathering from several rooms away instead of being right in its midst.

"Thank you," I whispered to him, grateful that he didn't release my arm. There were more people stuffed inside this space station than the entire population of Jakku, I was sure of it.

We walked through several large, open areas set aside for vendors to operate stalls, though just as many merchants chose to set up makeshift storefronts along the edges of already crowded hallways. There were racks of viciously styled weaponry and ammunition, tiny sentient pebbles that squeaked when touched, and even souvenirs from the days of the Empire and Republic. Half of the food stalls we passed smelled delicious, while I suspected the food from the other half would kill me.

I started to recognize pieces of Jakku amongst the confusion: the uneasy relationship between masters and slaves, the desperate edge to someone's eyes who hadn't eaten properly in days, the people who had slumped down into corners and gutters and sat wondering if Skunkt would be their grave.

I even spotted scavengers. Their watchful eyes scanned the floors and crowds for a discarded scrap of food, or a carelessly misplaced item that could be whisked away and bartered before the owner realized it was gone. But unlike Jakku, the scavengers here didn't pick through the skeletons of dead machines; they viewed the crowd as a living entity, a meal to be consumed. And life on Skunkt had made them ravenous.

I thanked my lucky stars that my parents had not left me in a place like this.

We walked for a long time, crossing plazas, ducking through low doorways, and once riding a repulsorlift to a higher level. The crowds receded and I realized we were in a residential area of the space station. The hallways were lined with doors, and the occasional merchant stall sold food and other subsistence items instead of gaudy trinkets or weapons.

Finally, when I was beginning to wonder if Leia was actually lost, she stopped and knocked on a door labelled "761-QTO."

"Code?" a voice demanded from a comm mounted on the wall.

"Twelve parsecs," Leia replied with a quiet smile.

The door slid open and the three of us entered a small chamber. It was spartan at best, reminding me of my meager home in the AT-AT on Jakku. It was furnished with two benches, which were positioned to act as both seating and a table interchangeably. A single overhead light illuminated a few drab banners on the walls.

The negotiations broker we'd come to meet, by contrast, was much more interesting. I didn't recognize his race, though he was humanoid in appearance. He stood about five feet tall, with a mohawk of colorful spines protruding from his otherwise bald head. He had a second pair of eyes that seemed to move independently of the first set, and they swivelled to look at Luke and Leia separately.

We pulled back our hoods to reveal our faces. All four of the creature's eyes widened.

"Sherberut's left tit. Princess Organa. Luke Skywalker. I didn't expect to meet you in person." He held his talon-tipped hand against his heart. "The name's Roony Ilsonway."

Luke gestured to me. "My apprentice, Rey."

Roony politely tipped his head toward me, though I sensed his disappointment that I wasn't as famous as the twins.

"I got your message," he told Leia. "You're trying to arrange a meeting with some very dangerous people. Luckily for you, I specialize in doing just that, and keeping everyone alive along the way. Here's how I work. Everyone involved in the meeting, from both sides, is gonna give me something valuable. Well, two things. First, credits. Half a pack of 'em, each."

I didn't know what a pack of credits was worth, but Leia's eyes bulged. "That's a fortune."

"C'mon, you know me. I'm not a thief. You get it back, you'll get it all back." He coughed and hurriedly added, "Minus the three-percent transaction fee and a mandatory donation to Skunkt's security commissioner."

Luke and Leia exchanged a glance.

"But!" Roony continued, with an empathetic wave of his arms. "Credits only get you so far. I also need something personal. From all three of ya. I need a memory. More specifically, a secret. Somethin' you don't want other people knowin'. Something that would ruin you if it got out."

Luke looked legitimately spooked. "We're supposed to give you our own blackmail?"

"I just take a copy. I like to call it insurance. Both for me, you, and the guys you're meeting up with."

"What's the point of giving it to you?" I asked.

"It's collateral. A promise that everyone's gonna behave and get out of the meeting alive. After that, I destroy the copy. It's gone. Poof. But if anyone screws up, I convert your memories –  _all_ of 'em – into holos and donate them to every news channel on the HoloNet."

Luke's eyes narrowed into slits. "What stops you from doing that anyway?"

"Because then nobody comes back to give me more business. Or worse, I get killed. Reputation is what makes me money. But it ain't no use bein' rich if you ain't alive to enjoy it."

"Do you watch the memories?" Leia asked.

"Only if someone screws up, so, good news for you, I've never had the chance. Hope I never do. I don't like mucking around in people's private business. I just want to keep you alive and get rich doin' it."

I still wasn't convinced. "If you never see the memories, how do you know people give you legitimate secrets? They could make something up."

Roony winked his two left eyes. "Trade secret. Trust me, I know."

He studied our grim expressions and grinned cheerfully. "You all ready to get started?"

Leia volunteered to go first. "I've already had my greatest secret revealed to the entire galaxy," she said with a regretful smile, referencing the incident years prior when a rival politician had publicly disclosed the true identity of her father. "But I'm sure I can come up with something."

She and Roony walked into a separate room and closed the door. Luke and I waited in silence. I wondered what secret he was considering handing over. Something about his Jedi apprentices, or Kylo Ren? He had a lifetime of memories to draw from, the majority of which had occurred before I was even born.

I cleared my musings from my head, pondering which memory I should hand over as collateral. I had to come up with something that would satisfy Roony's requirements, but not endanger the Resistance. Luke had never pried into my head before, but nonetheless, I made sure my shields were still thick enough to block a casual brush against my mind.

Several minutes later, Leia came out of the room looking a little shaken. She nodded to Luke, who stood and entered the room.

"Are you alright?" I asked Leia. "Did it hurt?"

"No, but it was… unpleasant," she said carefully.

Luke took much less time than Leia had. He stomped out of the room after only minute and slammed the door behind him. "Barbaric," he growled.

Leia laid her hand on his arm and bent to speak to him privately. I slipped into the room where Roony waited for me.

"Rey, right? Sit there. Hold this up to your head, just like that."

He pressed a glass vial against my forehead, right above my nose. My chair was positioned in front of a machine fitted with a miniature satellite dish.

"Here's what you're gonna do. You think of your deepest secret. A memory buried in your heart. Then you imagine that memory pushing against your skin, right here where the glass is. This machine extracts a copy of the memory and stores it in this vial. I'm not going to lie and say this is easy. If it is, you ain't doin' it right. You ready?"

I nodded and pulled up the memory I'd decided to use: the moment on Starkiller when the dark side had begged me to end Kylo Ren's life, and the split-second where I'd been tempted to oblige it. It didn't give away my current missions with Ren, but my moment of weakness would still be embarrassing if made public.

Roony placed one hand on the glass vial and flicked a switch on his machine. Without warning, the Force web jerked to the side and shivered, like it had been punched. The memory slid out of my head like stitches being pulled from a wound. A cloud of thick, gray-blue smoke churned inside the vial.

"You're a Force user!" I exclaimed, shocked. "That machine is a decoy."

Roony pulled the glass away from my head and swiftly capped it, inspecting the cloud inside. "All three of you figured me out," he griped. "Runs in my family. We're kinda like empaths who can read emotions and thoughts. Except all I can read are memories. Lucky for me, everything but this very moment exists in the past, so that still leaves me a lot to work with."

Something about his words bugged me, but I couldn't figure out why. I filed the thought away as Roony continued: "I can only see a memory when I touch it, but I can sense its intensity through the glass. That's how I know if people have given me a worthwhile secret. And yours isn't good enough."

He tossed the vial into a small trash bin and crushed it with a long-handled mallet sitting nearby. The memory-smoke evaporated almost instantly.

"What? You asked for a secret. I gave you one."

"You gotta do better. It barely registers for me."

I frowned, wondering what else I should give him, and thought of my conversation with Kylo Ren where I'd agreed to work with him on Potentium. Though I loathed giving away Resistance secrets, surely that would be enough for Roony. He handed me another vial which I placed against my forehead.

The Force web jerked and shivered again as he pulled the memory through my skin and into the vial, where it bloomed into an inky gray-green fog. He immediately yanked the glass vial out of my grip and threw it into the garbage bin so hard it shattered on impact.

"Still not good enough," he said, growing impatient. "I told you this was gonna be hard. You gotta dig deep. Your friends were able to. Remember, I can't see your memory. But you still gotta hand it over as proof of your cooperation."

Frustrated and flustered, I dove deep into my head and drew forth a memory I knew Roony wouldn't turn down: when Ren had held me close in the temple pool the day before. Reliving every moment of that memory was like exquisite torture. I savored the traitorous burn of pleasure that had shivered down my spine, his solid, muscled body pressed up against mine, skin separated by mere wisps of fabric, and the way his hand had possessively settled around my waist after brushing water from my face.

I had never worked up the courage to fully admit it to myself, but now, tearing the secret out of the depths of my heart, the truth was stunning in its intensity: I was disastrously, hopelessly, irrevocably attracted to Kylo Ren.

The secret scraped through my mind like shards of glass as I dragged it from its hiding spot and furiously funneled it into the glass vial. The memory manifested as rich, glossy oil that curled around the interior of the vial and gleamed a vivid shade of blood red.

Roony's satisfied grin stretched his face into macabre proportions. "This will do," he purred.

–

–

–

A few hours later, Leia and I sat in the lounge of the transport we'd flown to Skunkt. Luke napped in a nearby bunk. Roony had ushered us out of his apartment as soon as the credits finished transferring to his account, but instructed us not to go far.

"Watch for a message from me," he'd said to Leia. "I'll give you a rendezvous point. From there, my associate will escort you to the meeting location. Then you guys do the galaxy a favor and have yourselves a nice long talk. Get some stuff sorted out, yeah? Save killing each other for the battlefield."

I didn't like the way he'd phrased those final words. The urge to kill was not something that should be saved. All of a sudden, I realized what had bothered me about Roony's earlier explanation about his Force powers.

"Leia, Roony said something earlier that confused me. I felt him use the Force when he was taking our memories. He said that all three of us had figured out he was a Force user. But how did you know?"

Leia looked away from her datapad and her face lit up in a mischievous smile. "The same way you and Luke did."

My mouth fell open. Leia Organa was  _Force sensitive_?

"Is it that surprising?" she asked, clearly holding back from laughing at my expression. "My father and brother are gifted in the Force. There's no reason it should have passed over me."

"Why didn't you become a Jedi?"

She sighed a little, as if she'd asked herself this same question many times and had yet to come up with an acceptable answer. "When Luke was around, he offered to train me. Several times, in fact. But whenever I seriously considered it, something else always got in the way. A political fiasco that I couldn't walk away from. Han and I were raising Ben, who was always a handful. So every time Luke brought it up, I told him I'd think about it. Eventually, he stopped asking. For a long time I thought I'd made the right choice. But now I wonder if I'd accepted his offer, and been a better role model for Ben in the Force, perhaps…"

Regret filled her face, like a tangible ache wrapped around her heart.

"Are you prepared for the meeting?" I asked gently.

"Of course I am," she replied briskly, thinking I was changing the subject. "Don't forget that I've been a politician longer than you've been alive."

My lips twitched in a small, sad smile. "I'm not worried about Princess Organa, the fearless General of the Resistance. I was asking about Leia Organa, the mother."

Her mask slipped a notch and she looked away at an unseen horizon. "I haven't seen Ben in years. He's already a stranger to me."

"Kylo Ren and Ben are not the same person. Please don't forget that when you see him."  _Ben Solo shattered into pieces a long time ago, and I'm rebuilding him with the few parts I can find. I can't fix people the same way I fix machines. Please don't expect that of me._

Grief drowned out all of the other emotions on Leia's face, but then her eyes met mine and I wanted to weep at the quiet, determined strength living deep in her gaze. Leia Organa would never give up hope on her son.

When her datapad hummed a moment later, her face became stoic once more as she glanced at the screen.

"It's time."

 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

_In the previous chapter: With Rey and Kylo Ren's help, the Resistance arranges a meeting with the First Order. Leia, Luke and Rey travel to Skunkt and are forced to provide their deepest secrets as collateral to a negotiations broker named Roony. Rey discovers that Leia is Force sensitive._

* * *

 

"This will be a trap, Leia, one way or another," Luke said solemnly to his sister as we followed Roony's associate – a hulking, reptilian Trandoshan named Broodu – around another bend in the hallway. We had met him in a plaza near our hangar and followed him for the past fifteen minutes through a spiderweb of corridors and stairwells, largely avoiding crowds and open spaces.

"By all means, tell me what other choices we have," Leia sniped back.

We were all on edge as we twisted through the space station, anxious about what we were about to get ourselves into. This was a dangerous meeting, scheduled for political purposes on the surface, but in truth serving deeply selfish motives on a potentially catastrophic scale. Hux wanted Phasma. The Resistance wanted Fariya. Leia wanted to see Ben Solo. Luke dreaded seeing Kylo Ren. Snoke wanted any excuse to flaunt his Knight of Ren in front of Luke and Leia.

And me?

I'd be a liar if I said I didn't want to see Ren. Now that I'd secretly admitted my attraction to him, thinking about him made my stomach flutter and shrink. The same thing had happened to me a few times on Jakku: a handsome offworlder caught my eye in Niima Outpost, and we'd share a shot of Knockback Nectar and some steamy kisses in the shadows of the rowdy, open-air tavern. But despite numerous offers, I'd never been brave enough to take things further. An attachment to an offworlder might tempt me to leave Jakku before my family returned, so I'd always gone home alone. It had seemed like the right choice at the time, but now I sorely wished for more experience combating the high, dizzy feeling in my head. I couldn't afford to be distracted during this meeting.

"Keep your shields up and stay alert at all times," Luke said to me with uncanny timing. "Snoke has spent decades corrupting the Force. We all need to be careful around him."

Broodu stopped in front of a nondescript door where an enormous, rotund Herglic stood guard. He pulled three white plastene bracelets from his pack and fastened one around each of our wrists.

"Press your thumb here and hold it," Broodu instructed gruffly, pointing toward a square, glowing panel set into the top of the band. Once we had done so, the panels flashed blue. "Remove your thumb. These are now primed. If you put your thumb there again, a distress signal goes right to Roony. He pushes a button and all of your memories get beamed to every news channel on the HoloNet. So no funny business from any of you, period. Don't leave Skunkt or take off your bracelets until Roony has confirmed they're deactivated. Otherwise, they'll trigger automatically." He opened the door and directed us through. "Enjoy your meeting."

The utilitarian room wasn't impressive by any set of standards. The walls and floor were bare plasteel, except for one wall where three triangular viewports offered a glimpse of stars and space traffic around Skunkt. A rectangular metal table was situated in the center of the room, with two opposing sets of chairs set on either side. Recessed track lighting lit the area immediately around the table, while the rest of the room fell into shadow.

I spotted Kylo Ren immediately and fought to ignore the sudden tingle through my body. He stood closest to us, but his back was turned to the room as he stared out one of the viewports. Just beyond him, a creature that could only be Snoke conferred with a scowling, red haired man in low, whispered tones. They looked up at the sound of us entering the room.

Snoke was a tall, gaunt humanoid who stood well over seven feet tall. He was dressed in a black robe with red detailing woven along the hems. His cheeks were pinched into a permanent frown, the surrounding skin grotesquely scarred and sunken.

However, his mental presence was far more unsettling than his physical appearance. The Force web acted peculiar around him, like it was being sucked toward his figure unwillingly. A headache started to throb in my temples.

Snoke's power wrapped around me without warning. The headache flared into a crushing vice around my brain, but before I could do more than widen my eyes in pain, he retreated. I felt like I had been judged and found wanting in every possible way.

"The Resistance finally decides to join us," Snoke said by way of greeting. He spoke slowly, the natural timbre of his voice so deep it was practically a growl.

"We appreciate your cooperation in setting up this meeting," Leia returned stiffly, her political training emerging despite the danger of this foe and the bitter history they shared. She studied the red haired man at Snoke's side before her eyes darted to Ren's figure at the window.

Snoke made a low hum of disapproval. "We wouldn't be here, had we known the price of our attendance."

"We didn't know what methods Roony Ilsonway would use to assist with negotiations," Leia said, referencing the memories we'd had to supply as collateral. "The cost was necessary to ensure there's a satisfactory end to this meeting. For  _all_ of us."

"We have considerably different expectations for how this meeting should end," Snoke rumbled.

"We're not here to trade threats, Snoke. We agreed to peacefully conduct negotiations. As the princess of Alderaan, longtime member of the Imperial Senate, and founding General of the Resistance, I take political meetings seriously."

"Your credentials mean nothing to me, Organa. I lived before your mother was even born. I was contributing to the formation of the Empire while she gave birth to you and died."

Leia had no civil response to this statement. A cruel smile grew on Snoke's ruined face. He grandly gestured to the pale, scowling man at his side. "This is General Hux, High Commander of the First Order, and my appointed negotiator for the duration of our meeting today."

Hux nodded once, his spine rigid and contempt carved into his frown. He briefly studied the three of us, though his gaze lingered on me, and then his eyes shot to a point just over our heads and he ignored us.

Occasionally, snobbish visitors to Niima Outpost had been aghast at the appearance and deplorable living conditions of scavengers. We were a reminder that unpleasant, dirty things existed in the galaxy. Hux was just like those visitors. To him, we symbolized that which he hated most: filth, disorder, and, most unforgivably, a challenge to his authority.

Movement drew my attention away from Hux. Ren had come to stand next to Snoke, his hands clasped behind his back. The silver lines on Ren's helmet gleamed as he tilted his head to stare at a vague point between me and Leia, though I was certain he was watching his mother's face to see her reaction.

"You are already well acquainted with Kylo Ren, master of the Knights of Ren, and enforcer of the First Order," Snoke said, his voice guttural as his eyes gleamed in pleasure. Kylo Ren was his prized possession, his mere presence a potent weapon.

I chanced a glance sideways and saw Leia's heart breaking and bleeding across her face, but she remained every inch the regal General and nodded to him. Luke just stared, rendered silent by his struggle to clamp down on his emotions.

Snoke looked at me, eager to continue twisting the knife deeper, but Leia cut him short and gave brisk introductions, gesturing to us in turn. "I am General Organa. My brother, Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. His apprentice, Rey. Let's get started."

She moved to the side of the table opposite the windows and sat in the middle of the three chairs positioned there. Snoke's horribly mangled face sank into a scowl and he took the middle chair on his own side of the table. Luke sat to Leia's right, opposite Hux, and I found myself seated directly across from Ren.

Hux swiped through several documents on his datapad and opened his mouth to begin a prepared speech. Leia nimbly interrupted him.

"The prisoner exchange is the first item on the agenda."

Hux eyed her with disdain, clearly resolving to never let Leia Organa get the drop on him ever again.

"The Order wishes to discuss a more amenable solution to the unpleasant business on the agenda. Terms for the Resistance's surrender."

Leia blinked. "You think we travelled all this way to surrender? Right now? To  _you?_ "

"You are outnumbered. Understaffed. Poorly funded. Piloting spacecraft that belongs in history lessons. Firing blasters better fit for a junkyard. The Order outclasses you in every conceivable way."

"None of this is news to me," Leia replied in a stern but patient tone. "But despite the overwhelming odds, here we are. You clearly consider the Resistance a valid threat."

Hux continued as if she hadn't spoken at all. "Supreme Leader recognizes the value of your officers and personnel. He is willing to offer gracious terms. Far better than a band of rebels and terrorists deserves."

Snoke leaned forward in his chair, his natural height making him loom over the table. "It would achieve what you have wanted for so long, Leia Organa. An end to the fighting. Lives preserved rather than lost. Working together, we can rid the galaxy of its fractured individualism and create a competent government. You despised the Senate's predilection for quarrels instead of progress. Imagine a position where your talents were used to their full potential."

Snoke's words were evenly paced, precisely measured to cut and stab at the most tender part of our hearts. Fortunately, he had underestimated Leia Organa.

"I already have that position," she said with a raised eyebrow, as if explaining a simple concept to a particularly dense person. "I lead the Resistance."

Snoke waved his fingers dismissively. "Your work there is a waste. If you join forces with the Order, I will give you power that properly suits your ambitions. Furthermore, I will grant amnesty to all Resistance members, assuming peaceful assimilation into our new empire. And for you and your brother, peace. Retirement, if you wish."

"Retirement into an early grave," Luke muttered, his first words since the meeting had begun.

"No, Jedi. You are a broken old man. A threat to no one. The final, stubborn scrap of a legacy that refused to die before its name was disgraced and dishonored. I would simply require that you discontinue training your apprentices."

"So you could cast them to the horrors of the dark side?" Luke's eyes slid to his black-masked nephew.

Snoke held up his gnarled hand in casual supplication. "My influence would be minimal. Your apprentices have such natural affinity for the dark side."

Suddenly, Snoke's attention was wholly focused on me, clearly targeting me with his statement. His eyes were deep, glittering pits in his cadaverous skull. My temples started pulsing in pain once more as the accusation poisoned the air in the meeting room.

I didn't know what Snoke was better at: creeping me out or ticking me off. Either way, I couldn't let him get away with slandering me in front of Luke and Leia.

I slowly slid my fingertips along the band of my white bracelet. "You know we didn't come here to surrender. If you continue bullying and threatening us, I'll push this button and send every single person's memories to the HoloNet. The Resistance will survive the fallout from our secrets being outed to every citizen in the galaxy. Can you say the same for the First Order?"

I had no clue what secrets Luke and Leia had supplied to Roony, but my bluff must have given Snoke pause because he did not answer me. Instead, he sat back in his seat, fingertips steepled under his chin as he considered me carefully.

Leia acknowledged my victory with a smart nod of thanks. "The prisoner exchange, gentleman."

Snoke nodded gravely to Hux, indicating his permission to continue the meeting, but his gaze remained fixed on me like the yawning stare of a black hole from its lair in deep space.

"We are prepared to exchange Fariya Ruu for Captain Phasma," Hux said icily.

"We will contact Roony tonight," Leia said, "and make arrangements for–"

"Absolutely not," Hux interrupted. "The Order will have no future dealings with that craven scum. Supreme Leader has decreed it."

Leia took this declaration in stride. "I can understand that," she replied smoothly. "However, it would take additional time to make arrangements with a neutral third party willing to assist us. Meanwhile, we're stuck here." She made a pointed look at Hux's white bracelet.

"Then we wait. We won't tolerate more of Roony's meddling in First Order affairs. We are prepared to organize the exchange directly."

"You'll  _organize_ your way into having both Phasma and Fariya. I don't trust you. We need a mediator."

"In my experience, the person most concerned with trust is the first to stab others in the back with it."

Luke spoke up, his words mocking in their tonelessness: "You're being childish. Do you want Captain Phasma back or not?"

Hux turned to stare at Snoke, as if he couldn't believe he was being asked to treat with such unreasonable heathens. He turned back to Luke and said, "Protocol dictates that I engage with you respectfully during negotiations. I ask for the same in return."

Luke's hand curled into a fist. "At no point in time has this been a negotiation. All we've heard from you are demands."

Hux cheeks started to flush red. "Meeting with the three of you implies that you are somehow my equals. But let me be clear. You are all beneath me. This meeting is a formality to ensure the safe return of Captain Phasma before the Order burns you to ash."

"Patience, General Hux." Ren's rich mechanical voice filled the room, the first he'd spoken since the meeting began. Leia's entire body winced at my side. "Isn't it obvious they're desperate?"

"Desperation breeds irrationality," Snoke agreed with a sneer. "The Resistance will degenerate into petty squabbling before long."

Luke leaned toward Snoke, and though the Force web shivered around him, his voice was controlled and even: "Your officers will realize you're a parasite that feeds on their power, the same way you feed on the Force. They'll plot to get rid of you."

"Watch yourself, Jedi," Kylo Ren bristled.

"You've already betrayed one master,  _Kylo Ren._ " Luke spat out the name like a piece of bad food. "It will happen again."

"Enough." The word was spoken in unison by both Leia and Snoke, who looked warily at each other. Leia turned and whispered softly to Luke, while Snoke leaned over and conferred with Hux in in a low, gravelly tone, half of his focus on the Skywalker twins.

Snoke had the sort of ethereal calmness I'd only seen in corpses, but I thought Luke's words might have unnerved him. Ren had confessed some of his doubts about Snoke only yesterday. Did Snoke worry about Ren turning on him?

A moment later, Snoke straightened and smiled, but his expression was filled with the sort of cruel pleasure boys derive from pulling wings off flies. "The First Order shall concede to the Resistance's request for a mediator. We will permit Roony Ilsonway to conduct the prisoner exchange, on the condition that one of you works directly with Lord Ren after this meeting to finalize the arrangements."

His gaze shot back and forth between Luke and Leia's faces, relishing the discomfort he found there. It was a calculated and completely justified demand, but I knew that it would devastate Luke or Leia to spend any more time with Ren than necessary. He and Luke would probably try to kill each other, while Leia would have her heart ripped the rest of the way out of her chest.

Ren's helmet was tilted toward his mother and uncle, perhaps anticipating – or dreading – the moment one of them volunteered for the task. Stony silence settled in the room, and then...

"I'll do it." The words slipped off my tongue so smoothly I was hardly aware I'd said them.

Everybody turned to stare at me. Snoke looked disappointed that I'd willingly ensnared myself in his trap instead of Luke or Leia, but I felt the faintest hint of gratitude from Ren through our Force bond.

"Rey, you absolutely aren't expected to do this," Leia told me. "We can find another way to organize the exchange."

My mind raced because I couldn't tell if Leia actually meant what she said. In the past few months I'd spent more time alone with Ren than anyone else in the room, though he didn't know his family was aware of that fact. The Order wouldn't go through the trouble of kidnapping me from a crowded space station – especially with Roony's bracelet on my wrist – when I was such an easy target during Potentium missions. Leia had to realize this, so was she simply keeping up appearances in front of the Order? What was I supposed to say?

Leia correctly read my hesitance and concern softened her face. She rested her hand on my arm and inclined her head toward me. "I'm completely serious," she said in a low voice.

"I can handle it," I replied with a calm smile. The promise of progress was better than a stalemate and circling threats.

Leia nodded, and then looked directly at her estranged son seated across the table.

"Don't you dare hurt her," she ordered, and the sudden familiarity of being scolded by his mother was so strong that Ren inadvertently sat straighter in his seat.

"She'll be fine," he replied, his metallic voice sullen and clipped. It was the first words they'd exchanged in years, and the thought made my heart cramp and bleed in my chest.

"Shall we continue?" Hux asked snidely. I thought he might be jealous of how Kylo Ren's heritage made such an effective weapon against the Resistance. Did Ren have any allies in the First Order besides Snoke and the Knights?

The meeting swiftly progressed to other topics on the agenda. Hux and Leia were both seasoned at political negotiations and went toe-to-toe in front of us. They launched into a complicated breakdown of current policies and protocols governing interactions between the two factions.

Luke would occasionally bristle at some of Hux's contemptuously demanded terms, but Leia understood her enemy and found ways to appeal to Hux's inflated sense of self-importance and desire for authority while managing to reach compromises at the same time.

An hour of discussion passed without further incident. The jargon meant nothing to me, though, and I struggled to follow Luke's request to remain alert until Ren manifested in the back of my head like a shadow.

'This is dull.'

My senses lit up like lightning in the nighttime desert. 'At least you understand what they're saying.'

'Doesn't make it any more exciting. We should talk to Roony as soon as this ends. I don't want to hang on to Fariya any longer than necessary.'

'Has she been giving you much trouble?' I asked with devious innocence.

'It'd be easier to just show you,' he muttered, and shoved a memory at me through the bond.

I dipped my sight inward. Leia and Hux's voices dribbled away like I'd gone underwater, turning into muffled vibrations against my ears. I was in a massive, shadowy chamber, looking up at a giant hologram of Snoke through the eyeholes of Ren's helmet. Hux stood at attention to my left, and between us stood Fariya, who sneered up at Snoke.

"Who let a Rathtar loose on your face? Great Gods above, you're ugly."

Something snarled to my right, and Ren's vision turned to reveal... Daamith. I hadn't seen the Force user since our encounter on Tehanne, but he looked even more frightening than I remembered. His long, matted fur was aggressively spiked, and his crazed eyes glinted with a strange blankness that bordered on insanity.

Fariya, however, was unimpressed. "Shut it, you oversized walking coat, or I'll put you down like I did on Tehanne."

Daamith blinked, the emptiness gone from his eyes, and his snarling shrank into a quiet growl. He snuck a miserable glance at Snoke and stepped backward.

Fariya stuck her hands on her hips and somehow managed to defiantly stare down her nose at Snoke's hologram, even though it towered above her. "You're not getting anything out of me. I'm the apprentice of Luke Skywalker, the greatest Jedi Master the galaxy has ever seen. Nothing you do can scare me."

"Silence," Snoke hissed. "This is the treatment I receive for sparing this pest? Lord Ren, provide her a lesson in the importance of respect. We shall test your progress once I reach the  _Finalizer_. Be prepared."

Ren bowed, gripped Fariya's arm, and left the chamber. The vision turned blurry, like Ren hadn't sent a complete memory, but then refocused a moment later. Fariya stood in the center of a small, empty cell. She was talking again: rambling about Luke and the Force and Jedi's and the Resistance. Even me, Poe and Finn got a mention.

A vestige of Ren's exasperation floated through the memory.

"Be quiet," he snapped, his voice sharply synthetic from his helmet.

"Rey warned me about how you torture innocent people," she shot right back, "but I'm not scared of you."

"I'm not going to torture you," he replied grumpily. "And you have Rey to thank for that."

"Why would youlisten to Rey?"

"Because I respect her."

Fariya folded her arms, her posture distrustful and combative. "Why?"

He sighed, the sound curiously harsh and full of static through the voice modulator. He reached up and, with a pressurized hiss and a mechanical whir, he pulled off his helmet.

"Because she did this to me," he replied, pointing to his scar.

Fariya's gaze was riveted on his face, but she barely studied the scar as she took in Ren's features as a whole.

"You're human."

"Yes."

"And young."

"...Yes."

"You're sort of  _cute._ "

Ren ground his teeth in the awkward silence that followed, though Fariya didn't notice or simply didn't care and plunged ahead.

"And you can talk to Rey through the Force."

"Yes," Ren answered quickly, relieved to be back on stable ground.

"I sensed it on Tehanne. She lied about it when I asked, though. Why can't  _I_  talk to anyone through the Force?"

"You need more training. Perhaps you'd learn faster if you didn't talk so much." Fariya opened her mouth, eager to argue further, but Ren held up a gloved hand and, amazingly, she fell quiet. "Right now, you need to listen, and more importantly, you need to cooperate."

The memory grew blurry again, but this time it didn't regain focus and instead drifted apart until it was gone from my head. The lights of the meeting room abruptly pulsed into my vision and voices crowded against my ears. Leia and Hux appeared to be wrapping up negotiations. Thankfully, they were unaware that I'd briefly dipped out of the meeting.

Snoke, however, must have sensed my return, because he turned his ugly, bulbous head to inspect me. I met his calculating gaze, partly to be defiant, but also to make sure he didn't catch me staring at Ren.

'Fariya might have some questions for you the next time you see her,' Ren grumbled in my head.

'You didn't hurt her?'

'No. I taught her how to behave to appease Snoke. A lesson I should've given you before today.'

'You're always so eager to be my teacher.'

'You're usually so willing to learn,' he murmured.

I had no reply, only memories of burning in a cold temple pool, and lapsed into silence. I could tell that Ren was staring at me, despite the helmet hiding his gaze. It was at once thrilling and treacherous to garner such attention from him.

A few minutes later, Leia and Hux pushed back their chairs and nodded to each other, since a handshake would have likely been fatal at this point in the day. The rest of us stood, the meeting now officially over.

Snoke gave me a shrewd glance as he rumbled, "Lord Ren, return once you have completed arrangements for the exchange."

Ren tilted his head in a deferential nod. Snoke and Hux swept out the door immediately, while Luke and Leia lingered near my end of the table.

"We'll go talk to Roony now," I told them. "I'll be back once a plan for the exchange is ready."

Leia's eyes darted to Ren, who had pointedly turned his back on all three of us and returned to his spot at the viewport. She pressed a comm into my hand. "Notify us immediately if you need anything. And don't hesitate to use that bracelet."

"Be careful," Luke added gruffly. "Keep your shields up."

"Thank you," I said to both of them, touched by their concern for me. "We'll get Fariya back soon and then we can go home."

Their smiles lifted some of the fatigue away from their faces, but their gazes kept stabbing at Ren's dark form by the window. Leia looked ready to march over and say something to him.

"Don't," I pleaded in an earnest whisper. "Neither of you are ready for that conversation."

Leia exhaled, her shoulders slumping. "Good luck, Rey."

She and Luke exited the room, leaving myself and Ren in solitude.

I sat on the edge of the metal table. "That was awful."

Ren turned from the window and came to stand a few feet in front of me, focused on adjusting his gloves. He had pulled his hood back, revealing the sleek curve of his helmet. I couldn't recall the last time he'd worn it around me, and felt my temper stir knowing how much he was hiding behind it.

"They looked old," he remarked nonchalantly, still picking at his gloves.

"You're such an ass," I snapped.

His hands stilled as his head shot up to stare at me.

My irritation turned my mouth dry; made my words brittle. "Don't lie to me and pretend seeing them didn't affect you at all. I know you better than that. You've caused them lifetimes of pain and yet they still care about you. They still love you."

"They loved Ben Solo. Not Kylo Ren," he growled, his form overshadowing mine as he stepped closer.

I didn't know what compelled me to reach out, the motion slow and smooth, and press my fingertips against the scarred metal of his helmet. If he hadn't been wearing it, my fingers would have brushed against his lips.

"They can't love Kylo Ren," I said softly. "He'll never be as real as Ben was."

Ren jerked away as if I'd smacked him, and I took advantage of his surprise to slide off the table and leave the room.

Broodu was still stationed outside in the hall. I was about to ask for directions when Ren filled the doorway behind me. "Take us to Roony," he demanded, his synthetic voice toneless despite the smoldering rage lurking at his end of the bond.

Broodu grunted and started walking down the corridor. Ren and I didn't speak as we followed him through the space station.

Skunkt didn't have obvious day and night cycles since it didn't orbit a sun, but its lawless citizens clearly considered it to be later in the evening. Many of the merchants I'd seen earlier in the day had packed up their wares, leaving behind skeleton-like stalls. People walked at a slower pace, less anxious to complete whatever business had brought them to Skunkt and more intent on enjoying themselves. Two droids squabbled over a shipping container, bleeping rapidly. A cluster of aliens chattered and threw electrodice in a corner.

Broodu led us to a different residential area of Skunkt than the one I'd visited earlier that day with Luke and Leia. We met Roony in a one-room apartment that was even more sparsely furnished than the first one, with a single chair and no other furniture. It occurred to me that Roony was in a certain amount of danger by holding on to the secrets of the most important and dangerous people in the galaxy.

"What can I do for you?" Roony asked, all four of his eyes nervously roaming back and forth between us. I wondered if he could feel the tension radiating between me and Ren.

"How much do you charge for mediating an exchange of prisoners of war?" I asked before Ren had a chance to be rude.

Mentioning money made Roony relax instantly, and he launched into a convoluted pricing structure involving service fees, refundable and non-refundable deposits, and mandatory donations.

I almost couldn't blame Ren when he took a threatening step closer to Roony and snapped, "Name a price. One number."

Roony, to his credit, held his ground, betrayed only by a trickle of sweat down the side of his bald head.

"A hundred thousand credits up front. Another hundred once the exchange is over. Non-refundable."

Ren nodded. "Make the arrangements. The Order will pay the first half."

Roony whipped out three different datapads and started tapping two of them simultaneously. "I'll need some time, but I'll get you guys all fixed up," he started rambling to cover his nerves.

"When will the exchange take place?" I asked him.

Roony glanced up at me, his tone a bit condescending as he said, "I don't know yet, sweetheart. That's what I'm working on now."

"How long until you know?"

"Tomorrow."

" _Tomorrow?_  Why will it take so long?"

"Because you can't rush quality."

"But–"

"Is saving a few hours of time worth risking the lives of everyone involved?"

An ugly wave of selfishness passed through me. Roony was right, but I couldn't go back to Luke and Leia without a solid plan. It felt too similar to my failed mission on Tehanne, when the only thing I'd returned with was the news that another Force user had been indoctrinated into the Order.

Roony seemed to take pity on me and scrubbed at his face. "Look, it's late. No promises, but I can try to have us ready to go at oh-seven-hundred tomorrow morning. First, I need time to get paid and make some calls." He pointed at the comm tucked into my belt. "I'll buzz you with an update in a few hours. Deal?"

I hesitated and glanced at Ren, but he didn't seem to care that the exchange would be delayed. I nodded at Roony. It would have to do.

"Cheer up, the wait is worth it!" Roony called as Broodu herded us out of the apartment.

"I've waited enough for one lifetime," I sighed, once we were alone in the hall. "I'm ready to go to sleep."

"I know something that would keep you awake," Ren said with a sly edge to his tone.

A whirlwind of forbidden thoughts blew through my mind, though I clamped down on them tightly to stop them from leaking across the bond.

"I should get back to Luke and Leia," I said carefully.

"Why? So you can sit around and mope with them? Besides, you owe me for talking Snoke into coming here. There's someone I want you to meet."

I arched an eyebrow.

"She works with machines," he explained. "She's my supplier for parts for the Knights."

 _That_ caught my interest. Ren sensed it through the bond and I could practically see the smirk underneath his helmet.

"Follow me," he said.

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

_In the previous chapter: The First Order and the Resistance battle for the upper hand in the political meeting they've painstakingly arranged through Roony, the negotiations broker. Ren and Rey are tasked with finalizing the details of the prisoner exchange through Roony, but he needs time to make the arrangements. Ren convinces Rey to meet his parts supplier for the Knights of Ren._

* * *

 

More than one person recognized the masked First Order enforcer stalking through the corridors of the space station, but they wisely kept it to themselves. Their mental whispers, however, prickled and pressed against my mind. They wondered what business he had here, and why I was with him. It was unnerving to be under such scrutiny from strangers when I had been invisible to them my entire life on Jakku.

I'd objected to meeting the parts supplier if Ren insisted on wearing his awful helmet the whole time, and he'd agreed to remove it on the spiteful condition that I had to be the one to carry it around. We argued in circles as we traversed Skunkt, though I preferred the casual banter to awkward silence.

I recognized the next plaza we entered. It wasn't too far from the private hangar where I'd parked the Resistance transport. Several merchants had yet to close their shops, or sold wares targeted toward the tastes of the evening crowds. One vendor in particular caught my eye, and I pushed through the swirling crowds toward their stall.

"Problem solved," I announced to Ren a few minutes later, holding up a sturdy Gundark-hide satchel with a long, adjustable strap. I'd paid for it with a stipend of credits from Leia.

Ren tilted his head, considering my solution. His words skipped my ears and went straight to my brain: 'Not here.' We left the plaza through a maintenance corridor, passing banks of exposed cabling and power couplings. Behind a long row of oxygen scrubber pumps, a deserted, narrow corridor branched off to the left. It was lined on either side with several open doorways before dead-ending at a ventilation grate. The hallway had clearly not been swept – or possibly even used – in years, and discarded cups and other trash littered the floor.

Ren walked to the end of the hall, and gave a wary glance over his shoulder to ensure we weren't being followed before he ducked through a low doorway into a storage room. The door itself had been removed and probably sold for scrap by a particularly desperate scavenger. The light sensor mounted on the wall had also been stripped for parts, leaving the room in darkness. Weak light filtered in from the hallway, revealing metal racks full of crates which had likely been stored here years ago and promptly forgotten about.

The rumbling noise of Skunkt and its crowds had dropped away. I felt like I'd travelled deep into the wreckage of the great warship in the Graveyard of Giants: isolated, yet oddly insulated, in the countless layers of metal that separated me from the outside world.

Ren reached up and triggered the release mechanisms on his helmet. I could clearly hear the hiss and whirring gears in the silence of the storage room, and for a heart-wrenching moment I was back in the interrogation cell on Starkiller when he had removed his helmet for the very first time. Up until that instant I'd imagined him as some sort of creature; a decrepit, evil manifestation that was going to torture me and then kill me.

But Ren had turned into something infinitely more frightening: a man I would have considered handsome had I seen him at Niima Outpost, with his soft black hair and striking face, who had invaded my head and ruthlessly trampled through the worst memories of my existence. He'd seen the hopes and fears and weaknesses I would have never shared with  _anyone_.

And then Ren had discovered my fondness for Han Solo – Han, who'd offered me a smile, a blaster, and a job in that order – and Ren had laughed at me and later shoved a lightsaber through his chest. I'd been petrified, almost violently ill knowing my gentle friendship with Han was forever lost to me, destroyed by his  _son_ who was already intimately familiar with my past in a way he had stolen instead of earned.

Was it any wonder I'd cleaved his face in two and left him to be consumed by a dying planet?

It hit me like a punch in the stomach how much everything had changed between us since then, and it was partly due to my own selfishness. Ren offered me temporary freedom from things I shouldn't have wanted to escape in the first place. Our relationship had been forged from power and control and intangible violence, yet had somehow morphed into times like this where we dropped our guard. Every calm moment spent with him felt like a quiet betrayal of the entire galaxy.

Ren solemnly regarded the battered helmet in his hands. I couldn't hold back my heartache, nor the soft question that escaped my lips: "When was the last time you were happy?"

Ren started to speak, like the answer was obvious. But he stopped and held back his words, as if my question confused him the more he thought about it.

"Too long," he finally decided. He held out his helmet, a mocking grin playing around his lips. "But making you carry this around all night is close."

I was ready to remove the satchel from where it hung on my shoulder and fling it at his face. Something made me stop and reconsider, and instead I reached out and took the helmet in two hands, surprised by its weight. I studied the silver metalwork around the visor, and then scavenger instincts kicked in and I started inspecting the servomotors that drove the interior gears and mechanisms.

Ren shifted his weight to the opposite foot. "You don't have to…" He trailed off, suddenly uncomfortable letting me control the embodiment of his identity as Kylo Ren. It unnerved me too, but I just shrugged and tucked the helmet down inside the satchel.

I felt guilty helping him conceal his presence from the people in Skunkt. Burying his helmet inside my satchel didn't excuse the atrocities he'd committed as Kylo Ren, and it didn't seem right to give in to Ren's stupid demands, either. But I thought of my secret mission, Leia's plea to turn her son away from Snoke and the Order, and knew that the less time he spent hiding under his mask, the better.

When I looked up, Ren had removed his hooded cloak and held that out toward me as well.

"It itches without the helmet," he explained. I took the cloak and busied myself with stuffing it down inside the satchel to hide my amused smile.

We left the storage room in silence. Ren's helmet rested heavy against my side, a constant reminder that I shared the burden of more than one of his secrets.

–

–

–

Ren took me to what was undoubtedly the most raucous bar in the entire space station.

Niima Outpost's cantina had always been busy since it was the only place to conduct business and have a drink in the shade – but it hadn't been anything like this. Rugs covered every inch of the floor and colorful tapestries hung from all four walls. Glowing red lanterns were suspended from the ceiling, illuminating rowdy patrons of all shapes and sizes crowded together on couches and benches scattered throughout the room. They laughed and argued over their drinks, while others danced to a live band playing in the corner.

The sights and sounds, accompanied by the uneven, chaotic energy generated by the drunk crowd, poured into my brain and threatened to overwhelm me like it had earlier that day when we'd first arrived on Skunkt. I started to retreat, packing more power against my shields to muffle out the cacophony of the bar. Ren sensed it, though, and he caught my arm just like Luke had and pulled me toward the smooth, metal bar that ran down the right side of the room.

He used a lightning-quick mind trick to force a Rodian to mindlessly walk away from the bar, and pushed me down into the newly vacated seat.

"Don't shut their emotions out. Take their energy and use it instead."

The concept was so wholly opposite from Luke's earlier instructions:  _Shields, Rey. There is no emotion, there is peace._

Ren caught a whiff of my thoughts through the bond and practically rolled his eyes at me. "Peace is a lie. You won't find it in a place like Skunkt, not with these people. Don't muffle them out and hope they leave you alone. Use their power to become stronger."

I thought of how much I hated the noise of the Resistance base, routinely shutting everything out through shields and meditation in the calm clearing underneath Skybreacher. Jedi were supposed to reject emotions, after all, so the practice made sense. Ren's suggestion was a complete reversal of this. Tapping into the power of others felt… so personal. Almost voyeuristic.

"You already know how to draw power from your own emotions," Ren explained. "Now, you're just using other people as a source."

"It feels like stealing."  _It feels like the dark side._

"Are you stealing the air in the room when you breathe? No. It's out there for everyone to use."

Though I wasn't entirely comfortable with the premise, I was curious all the same.  _Think of it as a Potentium mission_ , I told myself.  _A temporary experiment._

I tentatively scraped a handful of energy from the surplus in the crowded room. The power was… confusing. Willful. It was like I had inhaled the acrid scent of pipe smoke, but my brain insisted I was smelling a richly sensual perfume instead. My Force signature sparked into view, but the normally symmetrical, golden lines curved erratically around my body, gleaming in vibrant shades of gold and indigo.  _It's just an experiment_ , I reminded myself as panic rose in my chest.  _It's not permanent._

Despite the struggle to hold on to this strange, headstrong power that didn't wholly belong to me, it flowed through my mind and tied me closer to flashing currents of energy surging around the room. The power granted me a strange sort of insight, helping me identify who might be a friend or foe should the distinction suddenly become important.

I suddenly knew that the group on the dance floor was celebrating a birthday, that two humans further down the bar were on a miserably awkward first date, and violence lurked in a whispered conversation in the opposite corner of the room. Ren was curiously missing from my new sense, likely because his mental shields were strong enough to keep me out of his head.

I pushed the clairvoyant sense further outward and found a large crowd gathered far below me. They were all excited, some nearly desperate with anticipation. It was gambling, I realized. That sort of feeling only came from people who had little to lose but were determined to lose it anyway.

For a moment, the avarice of the bar overtook me. I greedily siphoned more energy from the crowd to expand my focus even further… and unexpectedly slammed into an immobile wall of ice that radiated raw evil. Surprise rumbled against my mind, immediately morphing into malicious excitement.

My concentration broke and I shuddered violently.  _Snoke._  I had just unwittingly found Kylo Ren's master.

"Are you alright?" Ren asked, brown eyes searching my face as my Force signature started to fade. I was simultaneously thrilled and wary of their predatory intentness.

"I'm fine," I lied. "It just felt odd." It was the truth, in a way. There was a pleasant fizz in my head that reminded me there were no immediate threats here, just a crowd enthusiastically letting off steam after a long day.

Ren nodded his approval. "Time to meet Cue." He gripped my wrist and tried to tug me off the bar stool, but I held back.

"Your supplier? She's not here in the bar?" I asked, a twinge of unease poking my stomach. Snoke still lurked in the space station, and now Ren wanted to drag me somewhere new after I had just used the Force in a manner that would have made Luke's toes curl in disapproval.

Ren's hand slid up my arm as he leaned close, positioning his lips right next to my ear. "It's okay. Trust me." I nodded my consent but truthfully was a little too stunned by the feel of his breath against my ear and the tantalizing warmth of his hand on my skin to protest more.

Ren stepped through a doorway at the back of the bar. We twisted down a steep, spiraling staircase where the steps had been worn smooth by countless pairs of feet. I kept my Force power held tight around me as we descended toward the crowd of gamblers I'd sensed earlier, unsure of what exactly I was walking into.

The moment I stepped onto solid ground at the base of the staircase, the entire hallway rumbled around me. Vibrations shook the stone underneath my feet and echoed as tremors through the Force web. The crowd roared its approval of whatever entertainment awaited us in the room ahead.

I followed close behind Ren as we entered an arena. Tiers of benches lined the perimeter of an enormous underground room, surrounding an elevated, caged enclosure situated in the very center. The benches were packed, so a majority of the audience stood on the floor around the cage. Lights flashed from the ceiling and speckled the crowd with dizzying bursts of green and red spots. Several high-powered spotlights illuminated the cage. It was a clear geometric dome, over a dozen feet tall at its highest point, constructed of transparisteel supplemented and interwoven with force fields on all sides.

Inside the dome, two blurred shapes danced and circled around the cage. One was red, the other green. They looked like battle droids, but moved with impossibly fluid elegance, stepping purposefully toward each other and then spinning away. It wasn't until the red figure crashed violently into the green one that I realized they were actually  _fighting_. The metallic impact echoed through the arena, rivalling the hoots and screams of excitement from the crowd.

The green fighter went sprawling to the ground, but quick as a flash it was back on its feet. The figure paused just long enough to get its bearings, and I gaped as I spotted a human face underneath its transparent visor.

'What is this?' I asked Ren through the bond to avoid yelling over the noise of the crowd.

'Welcome to mech-wrecking,' he replied in my head, a mischievous grin alighting on his lips.

He pushed me toward a staircase built into the stands. I kept twisting around to watch the action in the cage behind me until I accidentally stepped on a stray tentacle and got cussed at in a language I had never heard before. After that I focused on ascending the staircase much more carefully. Ren pointed at an empty space on the end of a bench, next to a hairless woman with glowing blue eyes and skin as dark as soot.

Her skin was covered in white, veiny patterns, and she sat with preternatural stillness as if she were carved from marble. A flowing floor-length black skirt covered her from the waist down, while a simple twist of fabric covered her chest. She reminded me of a sinking pit in the Goazon Badlands: calm and motionless on the surface, yet ready to destroy anyone who crossed her.

I sat down next to her, putting the leather satchel on the ground in between my feet. The woman's head smoothly twisted to look at us. "You're late, Ren. It wasn't easy saving your seats. At least three people wanted to fight me for them."

"That's disappointing. I expected at least ten," he replied. He squeezed next to me on the bench. I was highly conscious of every spot where his body touched mine, particularly the fabric of his black tunic pressed against my elbow.

"Rey, this is Cue'ar. Cue'ar, Rey."

Cue'ar's unnerving blue eyes inspected me from head to toe. She gave Ren a sly glance and then spoke in a garbled mixture of Basic and binary. "You didn't tell me she was a babe, Ren."

"Nor did he tell you I understand binary," I said to her.

Her eyes flicked back to me with new appreciation, and the marbled white streaks on her face stretched as her grin widened. Cue was one of the seemingly few people who knew what Kylo looked like under his imposing helmet, and she seemed to find it intriguing that I fell into this exclusive category as well.

"I should have expected Ren to have interesting friends," she purred.

Being referred to as Kylo Ren's 'friend' was beyond confusing, so I changed the subject: "How can you speak binary? Are you a droid?"

"No. I work on them often enough it's convenient to talk directly in binary. I had a synthesizer implanted last year."

The red mech in the arena below suddenly fired off a slew of blaster shots, but the green mech flipped out of the way at the last possible second. The shots were harmlessly absorbed by the force field embedded in the cage wall, directly in front of a young man's face. Instead of flinching away, he screamed in exhilaration, his face full of savage glee, despite – or perhaps because of – the promise of death inches away from him. The crowd on the floor seethed and rippled around the cage, pressing inward and outward as the energy of the fight ebbed and flowed.

"Who's fighting?" Ren asked.

"Zeekee is the green mech," Cue replied. "He's the crowd favorite, but Squalo, in red, is giving him a tough fight."

"What are the rules?" I asked.

Cue laughed at me. "Who wants rules in a mech fight?"

"There's only two enforced rules," Ren said. "Every fighter has to build their mechsuit from scratch. And each fighter wears something called a power pendant around their neck. The fight ends the instant one is torn off."

"Ren tells me you're good with machines," Cue said to me. "Is it a job or a hobby?"

"I was a scavenger until recently," I replied honestly. "It's how I survived. But it was a hobby, too. I enjoyed repairing starships and speeders much more than scavenging parts from them."

Cue's glowing blue eyes literally lit up in approval. "Most people think of mechsuits as nothing more than scraps of metal soldered together. But they're alive in their own ways. Electricity is their blood, and they share the soul of their driver. Fighting is freedom for both of them."

Cue's tone was almost reverent, and something clicked in my head. "Are you a fighter? Do you have a mechsuit?"

She laughed in delighted surprise. "You're sharp! Sourcing and selling parts nets enough cash to fund my fights. Building and upgrading a suit isn't cheap."

Though her tone was enthusiastic, her glowing eyes were narrowed in contempt. Before I could ask her more, she pointed at the cage. The red mech – Squalo – was advancing on Zeekee once more, wildly swinging a crackling electromace with every step. Zeekee crouched and then leapt sideways, armored boots landing against the wall of the cage. Amazingly, he didn't fall, but instead ran several steps while parallel to the floor. Then he jumped and spun in midair, using his momentum to fling a handful of miniature magnapulse bombs at his opponent. One of them caught Squalo's legs and his suit jerked to a halt as the power systems running throughout the suit overloaded and shut down. Zeekee darted forward, presumably to grab Squalo's power pendant, but Squalo managed to raise his shoulder to block Zeekee's hand.

"Zeekee should carry one larger magnapulse instead of the miniatures," I observed. "They don't last long enough to give him an advantage."

"That's his style," Cue explained. "He never stands still long enough to get good aim with them, anyway."

Cue and I dove into a deep conversation about the mechanical advantages and weaknesses of the mechs in the arena beneath us.

"The compressor increases Zeekee's acceleration," I said, "but puts too much strain on –"

"The fuel cells, right. It leaves his shields weak. Squalo has a heavy arsenal and he knows how to use it. But what he really needs to watch out for is Zeekee's magnetic tread. It lets him–"

"Stick to the side of the cage. Doesn't that burn out the stabilizer motors?"

"The shell of Zeekee's suit is just reinforced plastecene. Keeps him light weight. On the floor he's sacrificing armor and traction, but that won't matter as long as he can stay out of Squalo's reach."

Talking with Cue about the technology underlying the mechsuits was oddly cathartic. While I did routine maintenance on the ship I used for Potentium missions, it had been months since I'd worked on machines daily like I'd used to on Jakku. I missed tinkering with them, figuring out how the systems impacted and supported each other, and understanding why every part was necessary to keep the entire machine running smoothly as one complete, integrated piece.

Cue was clearly impressed by my expertise. Her hand settled on my knee as she leaned forward in her seat and said to Ren, "Your lady friend is wicked smart. If you don't watch out, I'm going to recruit her to build mechsuits."

I laughed at Cue's flirtatious gesture, ready to play along, when Ren casually laid his arm along the back of the bench. He wasn't putting his arm around me, not exactly, but I could feel it resting possessively against my back all the same.

"Leave her alone, Cue," he rumbled.

Cue arched her brow at the Knight's surly response, ready to fire off a snarky comment, when an explosion of fire from the cage caught our attention. Zeekee had set off another bomb, but Squalo barreled through the flame and smoke and launched himself at the green mech fighter.

The two of them collided in the center of the cage and grappled with each other, literally tearing each other's suits to pieces as they tried to grab the thin pendant cord around each other's necks. They wrenched off armored plates, sending shards of metal flying. Suddenly, Zeekee latched onto a piece of exposed wire in the neck of Squalo's red suit and ripped it free with a savage yank. Sparks exploded in all directions, bouncing chaotically off the force field. Squalo staggered backward as the crowd screamed bloody approval.

"Does anyone actually live through this?" I asked Ren.

"Most of the time. Watch."

Squalo sank to one knee, his form heaving as he labored to draw breath inside his heavy suit. He slowly looked up as Zeekee approached, baring his throat in submission.

It seemed clear Squalo was conceding the fight, his suit too damaged to continue, but just as Zeekee leaned forward to snatch his opponent's pendant, Squalo's leg suddenly shot out and knocked Zeekee to the floor. Squalo sprang forward and slammed his fist against Zeekee's throat. Zeekee shuddered as he fought to breathe, and Squalo nimbly wrapped the cord of Zeekee's power pendant around his hand and ripped it free.

All at once, every single light in the arena went dark. A split second later, they flared back to life, filling the room with blood red light – the same color as Squalo's suit. Simultaneous cheers and boos filled the arena, though the boos quickly drowned out all other noise.

"Squalo WINS!" an invisible announcer boomed. "If you had a winning bet, payouts are being deposited into your accounts now. Remember that these fighters work hard for your tips, so please show them your appreciation! Next up is Squalo versus Steelstun. Report to the prep deck to get suited."

Cue'ar immediately stood up, her blue eyes flashing in excitement.

My mouth dropped open. "You're Steelstun? You're fighting next?"

"Steelstun is my mechsuit's name," she corrected me, a trace of wistfulness in her tone. "My sponsors coughed up enough cash tonight to cover the entry fee and repairs." She eyed the two of us, and after a second seemed to reach a decision. "You two want to come down to the prep deck with me?"

This was apparently a rare invitation, because Ren shifted next to me and betrayed his surprise. "You wouldn't have offered if Rey wasn't here," he replied lightly, though his tone carried a hint of accusation.

Cue shrugged. "Probably not. Don't ever let her tinker with your Knights. They'll fall in love with her."

She gave me a saucy wink as she pushed past us to the stairs. Ren looked like his plan to introduce us had simultaneously gone better than expected and completely backfired.

'Hope you're having fun,' he grumbled in my head.

And it occurred to me that, for the first time in recent memory, I was.

 

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

_In the previous chapter: Ren introduces Rey to several new things – a different way to gather energy in the Force, a fast-paced sport called mech-wrecking, and a parts supplier-slash-mech fighter named Cue. Cue invites Rey and Ren to visit the prep deck underneath the arena as she prepares for her fight against Squalo._

* * *

 

Ren and I followed Cue across the arena to a metal door that looked like the entrance to a vault. It was guarded by a stocky droid who towered over us, its single ocular sensor glowing orange in the center of its face.

Cue spoke in warbling binary using her synthesizer. "Steelstun reporting in to get suited."

The droid didn't move, instead replying in a harsh cascade of beeps and vibrating hums: "Only fighters are allowed in the pit."

"They're mechanics. I need a quick repair on my suit," Cue lied.

The droid was silent for a moment while it calculated its options, and finally stepped to the side and admitted all three of us. We crammed into a lift tube which zoomed downward. I was standing just close enough to Cue to notice a silver piece of metal embedded in the back of her neck, right along her spine. The lift tube jerked to a stop.

We entered the prep deck, a claustrophobic room carved out of stone directly underneath the arena. The ceiling was low, supported by a grid of squat columns except for an area in the middle of the room. As we passed through the center, I realized that a large, circular patch of the ceiling was missing because it was actually the transparisteel floor of the mech-wrecking cage above us. Two slightly elevated platforms were set into the floor, presumably to lift mech fighters up into the cage. Several droids, all identical to the first one we'd seen on the floor above, were stationed around the room.

The outside walls of the prep deck were ringed in lockers and repair bays stocked with tools. I spotted Zeekee's battered green suit in one of the bays, though Zeekee himself was nowhere in sight.

Squalo was in the next bay over. He'd removed his helmet, revealing a human face with glistening, slimy blue skin. He stood in the middle of a group of rough-looking men, though I couldn't tell if they were his sponsors, fans or bodyguards. Squalo made a lewd gesture, and when he laughed his mouth spread wide – far wider than any human's mouth should have stretched – and revealed several rows of spiny, razor like teeth. I realized he was a Togunn, a shark-like race from a lawless Mid Rim planet.

As the three of us crossed the room, Squalo pinned Cue with a look that made the hair rise on the back of my neck. It wasn't the way a fighter would normally size up his opponent. It reminded me of someone… and though I couldn't put my finger it, I knew something about the look was  _wrong_.

Cue tapped a passcode into her locker's keypad. The door sprang open to reveal her mechsuit nestled inside. It was pitch black, just like her skin, and bristled with dozens of metal spikes on its arms and legs. She exhaled almost dreamily, reaching out to touch the suit, when Squalo suddenly shouldered between me and Ren and came to a stop directly behind her. Her hand dropped away from her suit like she'd donned a glove made of lead.

"Ready to fight me,  _spazza?_ " Squalo asked, using a derogatory Togunn term.

Cue completely ignored him, but then Squalo did something unexpected: his hand settled possessively on Cue's back between her shoulder blades, right on top of the metal chip I'd spotted in the lift tube.

It was that exact moment when I realized who Squalo reminded me of: Krewzu, the scavenger I'd been enslaved to on Jakku. My stomach cramped like a molten chunk of metal had just dropped into it. Squalo looked at Cue the exact same way Krewzu had looked at me. It was more than piercing scrutiny, it was  _ownership_.

"Remove your hand or I'll remove it from you," Ren threatened, seemingly unaware of Cue's dark secret.

Squalo and Cue both turned to look at him. I was struck by the mournful sadness and shame in her eyes. But I knew why: she was a slave, and Squalo was her master. Rebelling would likely bring her nothing but pain.

Squalo's flinty eyes flicked to Cue. "They don't  _know_?" he asked with malicious glee.

"Know  _what?_ " Ren growled.

Squalo laughed. Up close I could see, and smell, chunks of rotting meat in his teeth. He turned to fully face me and Ren, dragging Cue with him, and started tracing the chip embedded in her skin.

"Cue'ar belongs to  _me_. She's the most profitable slave I've ever owned. I might even call her my favorite." He crooned the last part directly in her ear, and Cue shut her eyes, rigid with disgust.

Ren couldn't hide his shock, his gaze switching between Cue's haunted face and Squalo's hand.

"That's a  _slave chip_ in your back?" he asked, tone colored by a forceful mixture of rage and regret. "I never knew."

"You never asked," Cue replied softly.

Ren stepped toward Squalo, his anger starting to spiral dangerously. The Force web shivered against my mind as Ren siphoned power from it with deadly intent.

"Ren, stop," I cautioned him. Though I loathed the idea of Cue'ar being enslaved to this tyrant for an instant longer, I couldn't condone Ren using the Force to murder people – even slavers – right in front of me. I dug up the memory of when I had first agreed to work with him on Potentium, and urgently pressed it into his head.  _Our intentions will only be good. If you use the Force to cause pain or harm while in my presence, we are finished._

"You can't be serious," Ren snarled at me.

"At least  _try_ to end things without violence. You can't always have your way by slaughtering people."

Squalo's arrogant grin slipped a notch.

"Name your price," Ren suddenly told Squalo. "I'll pay it."

"This beauty earns just as much selling parts as she does in mech-wrecking fights," Squalo sneered. "She's made me a rich man. I'd sooner sell you my mother."

Squalo clearly had no clue he was dealing with a First Order commander, especially one skilled with the dark side of the Force. But Kylo wouldn't reveal who he was without his helmet, and Cue had no plans to interfere judging by her subdued silence.

"People who tell me 'no' don't tend to live long," Ren spat.

"She's legally mine by the laws of Skunkt," Squalo warned him. "The guards will give you some new holes to breathe out of if you touch my property."

I glanced over my shoulder and realized Squalo wasn't making an empty threat. Three of the droids loomed behind us, their ocular sensors pulsing between orange and red.

"Give Cue a chance to earn her freedom," I suggested, hoping that Squalo enjoyed gambling as much as mech-wrecking. "If she wins the fight against you, she goes free."

Cue's eyes lit up in excitement, blue light spilling out of her eyes and scattering across her cheeks.

Squalo looked intrigued by my offer, but was clearly a seasoned gambler. His eyes suggestively slid up and down my figure. "What could you possibly offer to tempt me?"

 _Shit._  After escaping Krewzu, I had vowed to die before becoming a slave ever again – but Cue's freedom was worth the risk."Me. As your newest slave."

'Are you out of your mind?' Ren seethed inside my head. 'I'll kill him if he so much as touches you.'

'I have no intention of losing,' I replied, and silently explained my plan to him.

Squalo's hand dropped from Cue's back as he considered my terms, unaware of my private conversation with Ren.

"It's a deal," he decided. His teeth flashed like broken glass embedded in his gums.

My Force senses tingled, warning me of Squalo's intentions a millisecond before he struck, but it happened so fast I was powerless to do anything but watch. Squalo's hand was already dropping back to his side, gripping a dagger with a razor sharp blade. Cue's eyes flared wide in pain as her palms covered a spot on her side. Her legs buckled and she started to sink to the floor. Ren and I leapt forward to break her fall. Azure blood leaked from underneath her palm, vivid and viscous against her dark skin.

Ren swore viciously and an angry black mist started to form around his body. I was positive he would have throttled Squalo had he not been supporting half of Cue's weight.

"You  _coward!_ " I yelled at the Togunn.

"There's no rules in mech-wrecking," Squalo said, a wicked, smug gleam in his eyes. "Looks like she needs to visit a bacta tank. Of course, she'll have to forfeit the fight since she's not feeling up to it. Forfeiting counts as  _losing_ , by the way."

" _No_ ," Cue ground out forcefully.

Squalo shrugged. "See you in the arena, then,  _spazza_."

"You're despicable," I hissed at him. "I hope she  _slaughters_ you."

"Doubtful." Squalo laughed and left us holding Cue, bloody and seething. She gasped in pain as we adjusted our grip on her, lowering her to the floor. I snatched a medkit from her locker and pulled out a needle, bacta patch and sterile wipes. Life on Jakku had given me plenty of opportunities to practice first aid.

"I'm going to rip out his spine," Ren vowed, starting to stand.

Cue grabbed a corner of his heavy robe and yanked him back down. "Don't you dare," she spat. "He's mine to deal with."

I discreetly glanced over at Ren's stormy expression. He wanted to help Cue, but he didn't know how to offer a solution that involved something other than violence. And in typical Ren fashion, being powerless made him angry.

I directed his attention toward the wound in Cue's side. "Can you heal this?"

"No," he grumbled. "Only stop the bleeding."

"Do it," I instructed. "It's not fatal," I told Cue, "but that asshole was right, you need a bacta tank."

"My pride hurts worse than this shit does. I hoped you wouldn't find out," Cue muttered to Ren.

"That you were a slave? Why?" Ren asked.

"You're Kylo bloody Ren of the First Order. Slaves are beneath you."

"I was a slave several years ago. When I was a scavenger," I confided to Cue as I gave her a neat row of stitches.

"How did you earn your freedom?"

"I killed my master. Because freedom is never something you earn. It's something you take back when it's been stolen from you." I tied off the stitches and placed a bacta patch over them. "I'm sorry for making such a mess of things. I shouldn't have forced you into this bet."

Her smile, though shadowed by pain, was broad and genuine. She briefly touched my cheek. "You stood up for me, Rey. I would die for you."

"Don't die before we get you to a bacta tank. After you stomp Squalo, of course."

Cue's movements were stiff as we helped her stand and get strapped into her mechsuit. She clipped a powerpack onto her left arm and then grabbed her weapon: a custom-built flail, made of a tri-bladed bludgeon attached to a bulky handle via a strong but flexible cord. I'd seen Stormtroopers carry riot batons that looked awfully similar, and wondered if Ren had sold her one.

We escorted Cue to the repulsorlift platform that would carry her up into the arena. A droid handed her a power pendant which she slung around her neck. Squalo faced her, standing a few meters away on his own lift.

"Let's keep this short like usual, my pet," he told Cue, then snapped his helmet visor down into place.

"Have you fought him before?" I asked Cue quietly.

"Yes," she whispered, revealing the first sign of nerves. "He's always won."

"Not this time," I promised her. "You'll kick his ass, Cue."

She nodded and closed the visor on her own helmet, hiding her fiercely determined gaze.

The transparisteel ceiling retracted and flooded the pit with feverish screams from the crowd. The repulsorlift platforms hummed as they carried the two fighters into the arena above us. We would have a unique vantage point of the fight from down below.

Squalo wielded his electromace in one hand, casually leaning his weight on one foot, then the other.

Cue triggered a button on the handle of her flail, and electricity started to spark and crackle in the empty space between the bludgeon's blades. She hefted her flail and gave it a few slow circular swings, the crackling bludgeon gaining momentum with every revolution. Then Cue pressed a second button that activated a motor and the bludgeon immediately picked up speed, creating a whirling circle that flashed white and blue. Cue spun the motorized flail with fluid grace, able to control it with ease due to the adhesion grip built into the handle.

The announcer's voice boomed through the arena: "Fighters, ready! Wreckage commencing in three… two… GO!"

Squalo and Cue flew at each other like homing missiles, their weapons cracking together so hard I was sure one or both of them had broken in half. Cue pressed forward, her flail's extended range giving her an advantage over Squalo's mace, and I shouted encouragement as Squalo warily danced backward to avoid the spinning circle of death.

Cue advanced on Squalo several times, twirling and spinning her flair with a masterful expertise that was entrancing to watch. But though Cue held the center of the arena, Squalo had enough space around the perimeter to easily avoid her attacks.

"He knows she's hurt. He's tiring her out on purpose," I said, aggravated. Sure enough, Cue stumbled as Squalo ducked away from her swing, and as she struggled to raise her weapon Squalo struck hard with his mace.

The blow caught Cue across her left shoulder, and she would have dropped her flail had the weapon not been magnatomically secured to her hand. Squalo pressed his advantage and swung wildly at Cue. While she deflected most of the hits off of the gauntlets built into her armored mechsuit, one caught her arm and decimated her power pack. The motorized flail stopped spinning, and the bladed bludgeon hung limp against its cord. Squalo's next hit scraped Cue in her injured side and she retreated several steps, gasping in pain from the impact against her knife wound.

Above us, the crowd was going ballistic, screaming encouragement at Cue in a hundred different languages while booing Squalo.

Ren had been quiet throughout the entire fight, his eyes hard and bright and furious, but now he straightened his shoulders and asked me, "You ready?"

I nodded, and we summoned an enormous wave of Force power that rushed at us from all sides. It slammed our minds together, our consciousnesses seamlessly absorbing into one another. Ren's power flowed into the cracks and crevices of my brain and surged like liquid electricity through my veins.

Our gaze jointly lifted up to the arena, where Cue hunched over as pain dominated her exhausted body. Squalo advanced on her, his sparking electromace raised for a heavy blow. Ren and I pushed a surge of energy toward Cue as the mace made its brutal descent.

At the last second, Cue sprang to the side and neatly rolled out of its path. Squalo yelled in surprise as the mace sank through nothing but air. He stumbled forward, thrown off balance by his own momentum. By the time he regained his footing and lifted his head to seek out Cue, she was on the far side of the arena, panting hard but clearly not ready to give up.

We rejuvenated Cue's exhausted muscles and siphoned cool air into her lungs. We lent her our reflexes, our power, our strength. We helped her dodge blows that should have landed, and deflect hits that would have otherwise ended the fight. Ren did a fascinating trick where he partially nullified gravity directly underneath Cue's feet, helping her move and jump faster than humanly possible. I soaked her flail with energy, bridging the gaps where circuits had been crushed by Squalo's blows, and coaxed the motor back to life. If Cue was aware of our help, she didn't acknowledge it in any way. She stalked toward her opponent with single-minded determination, maneuvering her spinning flail with deadly precision, and clashed with him once more in the center of the arena.

Our efforts were quickly draining the well of power we'd summoned. I threw my focus outward to pull more power under our control, but the crowd's raucous energy obscured the Force web. I dragged their energy toward me instead, feeding on their excitement and passion and greed, prepared for it to fight me like it had upstairs in the bar. But as soon as the power met my fingertips, I was shocked by a simple revelation: the crowd  _wanted_ Cue to win, and the power vibrated through my body as it was allowed to fulfill the exact purpose for which it was meant.

We pressed the power into Cue's heavy limbs, boosting her speed as she darted under Squalo's mace. It granted her a tiny opening so she could duck, whirl and extend her arm to deal a blow – but her arm was moving far too slow to cause damage until Ren shot it forward with a focused beam of energy. Her flail whipped around and hit Squalo so hard it annihilated the plated armor on the side of his helmet.

Squalo's head snapped to the side and the motion caused his power pendant to swing outward. Without any aid from me or Ren, Cue's hand shot out and her fingers clamped down on the pendant. Then Cue lofted her leg and kicked Squalo square in the chest. His torso jerked back so hard the pendant's leather cord instantly snapped.

The entire arena went dark, and for a long second we all stood in breathless silence and listened as Squalo hit the ground with a satisfying thunk, shattering the rest of his helmet. Suddenly, the arena turned a smoky shade of violet and Cue's figure lit up in a glowing pattern of scales. The arena had activated special blacklights in honor of her black mechsuit, which revealed otherwise invisible designs painted on her armor.

"Steelstun WINS!" the announcer's voice boomed. Cue pumped her fist high in the air, victorious.

The audience went wild, chanting, "Steel - stun - steel - stun!" Their ecstatic cheers were deafening, and the ground trembled under my feet from the sheer amount of noise reverberating around the arena.

Cue removed her helmet and gently set it on the floor of the arena, then hauled Squalo to his feet by the lip of his shattered visor.

"I am free," she growled at him, her voice echoing around the arena. "Remove my chip."

"The fight was rigged!" Squalo screamed in her face. "I want a rematch. This time without your  _friends_ helping you cheat."

"You said yourself there were no rules in mech-wrecking," Cue purred with a savage smile. "I won the bet. Free me.  _Now._  Or my friends will deal with you down in the pit. And then my friends outside this cage will deal with what's left." She extended her arm in invitation toward the crowd, where hundreds of people howled their eagerness to tear Squalo to shreds if given the chance.

Squalo's mechsuit shuddered with a mixture of rage and fear, but he ultimately held up his end of the bet. He removed one of his red gauntlets and reached across Cue's shoulder, pressing his fingertip against the silver chip on her back. From our angle it was hard to tell what he did, but a second later he removed his hand and flung the tiny piece of metal to the floor in disgust.

Cue briefly shivered like someone had doused her in ice water as the toxic effects of the slave chip expired from her body. Then she turned and in the blink of an eye had punched Squalo in the mouth so hard he passed out and collapsed to the ground.

"I thought I'd want to kill you," she said to his unconscious form. "But I was wrong. I hope you live so you can suffer just as much as I have."

Then Cue raised her head and began to spin in a slow circle, facing the crowd. "You are all my witnesses. From this day forward, I belong to no one. I am _free!_ " The crowd roared back in fanatical approval.

The next thirty minutes were an absolute whirlwind. The platforms lowered Cue and Squalo back down into the prep deck. Squalo's thugs hauled him to the far side of the pit. Meanwhile, Cue had enough time to envelop us both in a tight hug and thank us before a dozen fighters descended into the pit to congratulate her on winning both the fight and her freedom. Like me and Ren, a majority hadn't known she was a slave to Squalo. Their praise turned to alarm when Cue slowly stepped out of her mechsuit to reveal her side covered in blood. Her wound had reopened during the fight.

I asked where the closest bacta tank was, and the fighters instantly rallied into a bristling pack of personal guards for Cue. They escorted us through a series of underground tunnels to avoid the crushing crowd in the arena. The tunnel dead-ended at a door which let us out into a bustling plaza in the heart of the space station. The fighters led the way around a corner to a medical clinic that rented bacta tanks by the hour. Cue was hustled into a private room by the med droids on staff. Four of the mech-fighters positioned themselves in front of her door, and the rest stood guard out front of the clinic.

Ren told the fighters we'd be back to check on her and then ventured into the plaza, grabbing several kabobs of charred meat and vegetables from a food vendor. The peace only lasted a few minutes before we heard shouts from the direction of the clinic. It was Squalo – now sporting significantly less teeth – and his gang of thugs.

"I don't care about the  _spazzing_ slave!" Squalo was yelling at the fighters. "I'm here for the other two!"

One of his henchmen caught sight of us by the vendor stand. "I see them! Over there, boss!"

Ren snarled and started to funnel power from the Force web, murder gleaming in his eyes as his aura turned black and opaque. I ground my teeth. I couldn't let him get away with killing Squalo now, not after we'd successfully used the Force through Potentium to help Cue. I flung a bright burst of energy against his shields, and while he was distracted I grabbed his hand and took off with him into the space station.

Squalo and his thugs chased us through the halls of Skunkt, but they were no match for two trained Force users. We made impossibly sharp turns into side corridors, flew down several flights of stairs with supernatural speed, and once we even hopped a railing on an elevated walkway and dropped to the ground below, using the Force to cushion the jolt upon landing. The thugs cursed us every time we dipped out of sight. The sound of their shouting and footsteps grew more and more faint until the mundane noises of Skunkt had completely swallowed their presence.

We slowed to a jog, and it wasn't until we passed the vendor who had sold me the leather satchel currently slung over my shoulder that I realized where we were. Ren sought out the same maintenance corridor we'd used just hours ago, turning left down the deserted hallway and into the same storage room where he'd removed his helmet.

Like before, all sound had dropped away except for a low, droning hum from a generator somewhere beneath us. We moved deeper into the room, away from the weak, yellow light spilling in from the hallway. I pulled the satchel strap off of my shoulder and set it on a dusty crate, then leaned against the far wall to catch my breath. I could clearly see Ren's outline in front of me, though his back was to the doorway and his face was wreathed in shadows.

The darkness only amplified the restrained harshness of our breath as we gulped down air and slowed our breathing.

"That vermin deserved to die," Ren growled at me. "But you stopped me from killing him.  _Twice_. Why?"

"I told you why. When we're working on Potentium, your intentions must be good. Killing people simply because they anger you isn't right."

"He hurt Cue. He would have hurt us. Tried, anyway."

"That doesn't give you an excuse to kill him. It was Cue's battle to fight, not yours. Besides, you're lightyears more powerful than him. You could have used the Force to teach him a lesson, or defend yourself."

"Supreme Leader didn't teach me the ways of the Force so I could  _defend_ myself from scum like Squalo," Ren sneered. "He taught me how to kill."

I could only stare at him in sadness, wondering if Leia's mission was hopeless. Her son seemed determined to stay lost in darkness of his own making.

"You serve Snoke so blindly," I said quietly. "You're more of a slave than Cue and I ever were."

Ren's entire body tensed, eyes glittering with malice in the gloom of the storage room. Just a day ago in the Ramarode temple, he had told me he wanted answers. Apparently, that hadn't meant he wanted the truth.

"Snoke has commanded me to destroy the enemies of the Order, and I do it willingly."

"Then why haven't you killed me?"

He took a slow, threatening step closer to me, his arms rising to cage me against the wall. My heart started to pound so hard in my chest I thought my ribs might crack. I knew his intentions in that instant, and in the very depths of my heart I surrendered, completely, to the inevitable.

"Because you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me."

And then he crushed his lips against mine.

Ren kissed me hard, lips moving insistently as the rough edges of his scar scraped against my mouth. I kissed him back just as fiercely, feeling my skin catch fire from his sheer proximity. My forbidden attraction to Ren, how off-limits he should have been, the guilt of giving in – none of it mattered in this moment. My hands rose and curled into his thick hair, pulling him closer.

He growled his approval and broke away from my lips, biting the very end of his finger and using his teeth to rip the glove off his hand with practiced force. Then his mouth descended on mine once more – hard, rough, demanding – and suddenly we weren't just physically pressed together in this dark, quiet room hidden in the belly of Skunkt, but he was  _in my head_ , too, and all of his senses intimately enveloped and overlapped my own. I felt his bare hand threading through the hair at the base of my neck while simultaneously feeling the sensation of the soft strands against my fingers – Ren's fingers. I inhaled his clean, masculine scent, mixed together with my own delicate, slightly floral aroma and undercut by the spicy tang of oil from Cue's mechsuit on my hands.

His mouth pressed against mine, tongues intertwining and speaking our feelings in a way that words never could. I could barely stay afloat of the sensual tidal waves crashing through my brain, and dug my fingertips into his overcoat as if the roaring in my head might physically carry me away from the very moment I'd yearned for in secret for weeks.

I knew that Kylo Ren would not be like the other men I'd kissed and easily left behind at Niima Outpost. He craved me with an intensity that eclipsed all other senses, and reveled in the knowledge that I desired him the same way.

Ren had pulled off his other glove. His fingers moved upward along my head, tugging my hair out of their customary triplet of buns. His other hand ghosted down my back, rounding over the curve of my ass as he ground his hips against me.

His carnal desire flooded through my head, and coupled with the obvious hardness between his legs, made me bold. I captured his bottom lip in my mouth and gently pulled, grazing my teeth across the sensitive flesh.

His hand twisted and clenched in my loose hair just hard enough that I arched my back against the pressure and released a wanton, breathless moan. He groaned into my mouth and a shiver raced across my skin. And then… memories flooded into my mind, but not ones I recognized and it took me a moment to realize they weren't memories at all but  _fantasies_.  _Ren's fantasies_  – things that had never happened, but things he'd  _wanted_ to happen. Pulling me into his lap in the tiny cockpit of his ship and kissing me senseless, making out with me in the nighttime desert after the violent storm on Gryl, grabbing me in front of Finn, or Cue, and claiming me, branding me as his. Holding me in that deliciously cold pool in the Gryl's temple, hands roaming my body without restraint and admiring the muscle hidden by my graceful curves. Seeing my hair unbound for the first time after waking up from his nap, drunk from the warmth of the sun and languidly pulling me down on top of him, stripping off my wickedly sheer robe and baring my breasts and nipples to the heat of his tongue, my skin forged like pure, molten gold. He knew that I was as strong and untamed as the desert I'd grown up in and Ren wanted to capture that wildness, dominate it and make it his own and no one else's, and seek forbidden pleasure from my body til we collapsed in exhausted bliss.

I pulled my mind away from the torrid swell of emotions, the sudden throbbing pressure between my legs almost too torturous to bear. Ren's lips were still pressed against mine, tongue sinfully moving inside my mouth, his hand roaming longingly, reverently over my curves as if worried this moment would end at any second and we'd bury it between us and never speak of it again.

My hands slid down the front of his overcoat, though their progress stopped at his belt. Another wave of desire flowed through our bond, coupled with a vision of my hands undoing his belt, stripping off his coat and tunic so his muscled chest was bare; my hands sliding lower, down his ridged abs til they were undoing his pants and grasping his thick, rigid girth in my palm, then sinking to my knees in front of him and...

I pulled my head back, startled – seduced – more scandalously aroused than I had ever been in my entire life. My lips parted from Ren's, though he still had one hand threaded through my completely unbound hair so I didn't move far. His black gaze devoured me, his breath and his ardor barely under control. He leaned forward and nuzzled his lips at the intensely sensitive spot by my ear.

"I want you," he murmured against my skin, and then his hand drifted to the electrifying spot between my legs and there was nothing imaginary about the way he rubbed against my core. I was blind to everything but the urgent, primal pleasure that radiated throughout my body from his touch, and then it was  _my_ fantasy rolling through the bond with frantic, almost consuming desire: his hands hot against my bare skin, mouth caressing a million other places besides my lips, his hard length pushing into my soaked, quivering core where only my own fingers had ever been…

' _Kylo_ ,' I breathed into his mind – but whatever words I might have whispered were forever lost when the comm tucked into my belt blared to life.

"Roony here, do you copy?"

Ren and I jerked apart, the sudden brash voice dousing the entire moment and eradicating the sensuous intimacy I'd been wholly willing to lose myself in.

Ren directed such a furiously irritated glare at the comm that I wondered if Force-sensitive Roony could feel it on his end. He snatched the device from my belt but I gripped his hand to stop him from smashing it against the wall, then pulled it from his grasp entirely.

"We copy," I spoke into it, voice far too husky to sound normal.

"Hope I wasn't interrupting anything," Roony replied in impish delight.

"Do you have an update for us?" I asked as haughtily as possible, glad he couldn't see my flaming red cheeks. I stared intently at the comm, too overwhelmed to look at Ren.

"Exchange is a go at oh-seven-hundred tomorrow morning. Both of you need to meet your contacts at oh-six in the same spots as today. Any questions?"

"No. Thank you," I added.

"You're a doll. Stay safe out there."

I tucked the comm back into my belt. Ren stepped closer again. His fingertips ghosted across my jaw and lifted my chin. His gaze intently searched mine as he wordlessly pressed an alluring idea straight into my mind: a luxurious and discreet inn here on Skunkt where we could disappear for the rest of the night...

Surrendering to a sleepless night in his embrace was wildly tempting, but the logical part of my brain had conjured up an incredibly long – and still growing – list of all the reasons that would make it a terrible idea. No matter what passed between us during moments like this, we were here on Skunkt because of a war and he was on the wrong side.

"This was a mistake," I whispered.

His mood plummeted, frustration making his eyes go hard and brittle. "Fuck, Rey. No it's not," he said, his naturally deep voice rough and husky.

It was so  _Kylo_ to stubbornly ignore the truth staring him in the face. I couldn't hold back my tiny, private smile, and smoldering heat surged back into his gaze. His hand cupped the back of my neck and he pulled me close to steal one last lingering kiss from my lips.

"Be careful tomorrow," he told me, and then turned and left the storage room without another word, snatching both his gloves and the leather satchel with his helmet and cloak on the way out.

I remained in the solitude of the storage room for a long time afterward, waiting for the heat in my body to fade even as I relived the memories of his hands, his  _lips_ on my body. I'd told Ren that succumbing to the burning attraction between us had been a mistake, but I knew beyond doubt that it was a mistake I'd readily commit again.

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

_In the previous chapter: Rey and Kylo Ren learn that Cue is enslaved to Squalo, her mech-wrecking opponent. They make a bet with him to free Cue if she wins the fight, which she does with some 'unofficial' help from Ren and Rey. Rey works hard to convince Ren not to kill Squalo afterward, leading to some harsh truths and a steamy kiss._

* * *

 

It was past midnight by the time I returned to the Resistance transport, still parked in the secure, private hangar on the lowest level of Skunkt. Leia was reading reports at the lounge table and pinned me with an inscrutable look when I entered the room. Luke sat in the chair next to her, sound asleep until I tapped him on the shoulder.

I passed along Roony's message about the prisoner exchange. Leia, exhausted and irritable, simply groaned when Luke reminded her we were legally required to give Phasma an update. I volunteered for the task, though only as an excuse to avoid questions about Ren or why I had been gone for so long with him.

The guard standing outside her cell gave me a grateful nod when I dismissed him for a short break. I took a deep breath and entered the cramped room.

Captain Phasma was a formidably large woman, even without her customary reflective armor. Her drab tan prisoner's smock, pale skin and cropped, fair blond hair made her appear nearly colorless – except for the heavy, dark circles staining her face below each eye. She looked bedraggled and, honestly, in need of a hug.

Phasma sat on a bench which spanned the length of the space and doubled as a bed. She stuck her chin in the air when she recognized me.

"Why are you bothering me?" she asked, her tone imperious despite the fact her arms and legs were cuffed together.

"I have an update for you. The First Order has agreed to complete the prisoner exchange tomorrow morning."

"That is hardly  _news_ , scavenger trash. I never doubted they would."

I narrowed my eyes, pity starting to evaporate in wake of her rudeness. "You never doubted  _Hux_  would," I corrected her, recalling both Ren and Finn telling me of Hux and Phasma's secret relationship.

Phasma sat up straighter, reevaluating me. This was clearly not the first time she'd defended herself from this type of accusation.

"Hux and I were promoted through the Order together. When he was given command of the Finalizer, he rewarded me with a promotion to the Captain of the Guard. There is no higher honor for a Stormtrooper."

Phasma sounded like she was reciting an often told lie. I couldn't help weaving a needle-thin thread of power around her head, seeking out the truth hidden underneath her rehearsed veneer. But I burrowed a sliver too deep into her shields, which were deeper and denser than most non-Force sensitives, and Phasma jerked at the unmistakable sensation of my power brushing against her mind. Her eyes released a flicker of hatred before they resumed their steely, almost dehumanized stare. A sour sneer draped across her lips.

"Get out of my head, you piece of filth. Picked up that nasty trick from Kylo Ren, have you? What other vulgar Force tricks has he been teaching you?"

It was impossible to hide my horrified shock. How did  _Phasma_ , of all people, know that I'd been spending time with Ren?

"Hux keeps no secrets from me," she crowed in satisfaction at my discomfort. "He and Supreme Leader are both intrigued by Ren's little side project with you. Leader Snoke was only too happy to give him permission to pursue his ridiculous theory – Potentium, isn't that what it's called? Snoke thought Ren could use it to sway you to the dark side, though he half-expected him to snap and kill you. But Ren has done neither of these things, which leads to some  _very_ interesting council meetings."

I thought of Ren's own admissions of growing doubt toward his leader. Was his status in the First Order on shakier ground than I realized? Could I dare hope it meant his allegiance was irresolute, too?

Phasma's eyes glittered at my silence. "Ren has many failures, but you're his worst one. The Supreme Leader will make him kill you soon. An abomination of the Force deserves no less. Though maybe Ren will let his Knights take turns with you first."

A searing red blush bled across my cheeks, stinging as if they'd been slapped. "Stop it," I told her, voice firm even as I hid my trembling hands in tight fists.

"Or better yet, Snoke might make Ren keep you around. Breed as many Force brats from you as possible. Make a miniature army of screaming toddlers, all with mommy and daddy issues."

"I said  _stop it_."

"Perhaps Kylo Ren won't slaughter another generation of Force users if they're his own children," she sneered with a vicious, braying laugh.

Rage curled deep inside my chest, and for a dark moment I wanted nothing more than to make Phasma suffer for her cruel words and disgusting humor. A coarse stream of power had already woven through my fingertips before I realized I'd summoned it from the black depths of hatred in my psyche.  _You're afraid_ , the darkness in me hissed.  _You're afraid that she's right._

I immediately stomped down my volatile reaction. Phasma watched my shoulders relax, the way I shook my fists loose to dissipate the power gathered there, and knew that her attempt to make me lash out at her had failed.

"You won't survive him, scavenger," Phasma whispered. "He'll rip you to shreds. After he fucks you, of course."

I spun and left her cell without another word.

–

–

–

The eight of us made a sullen, solemn group as we walked through Skunkt's endless labyrinth of hallways early the next morning. Leia led the way, closely flanked by two stony-faced Resistance guards. After them came Phasma, escorted between two more Resistance guards. Luke and I brought up the rear.

We met Broodu, Roony's reptilian associate, in the same spot as yesterday – the plaza where I'd bought the leather satchel to hold Kylo's helmet. My eyes sought out the narrow maintenance corridor we'd vanished into twice the night before. Both times it had felt like sinking out of this world and emerging somewhere deep and hidden and secret.

Ren was surely going to be at the prisoner exchange. Standing in the same room as him and feigning indifference would be torture. I couldn't stop the dizzying drop in my stomach from just  _thinking_ about his lips on mine last night, nor the sick clench in my stomach from Phasma's vulgar comments.

Our group stepped onto a platform which whisked us through a tunnel bridging two different parts of the space station. Then we crowded into a circular turbolift which carried us down several levels and opened to reveal a huge warehouse. Shelves of stacked crates and barrels lined all four walls, though the floor itself was bare except for a few sparse clusters of boxes. The far side of the room was a mirror to our half, complete with a second turbolift shaft. I silently thanked Roony for securing a room with this particular layout on such short notice.

There were four figures on the opposite side of the warehouse: Hux's shock of red hair, Kylo's familiar oversized form, Fariya standing tall despite her arms being cuffed behind her back… but the fourth figure wasn't Snoke. It was the rotund Herglic from the day before, who was acting as the escort for the First Order the same way Broodu was for the Resistance.

My palms turned clammy. Something wasn't right.

I forged a connection to Ren through the Force web, shyness and nerves from the night before momentarily drowned by my unease. 'Where is Snoke?'

Ren didn't answer, or even indicate he'd heard me. Fear curled in my gut.

"Wait here," Broodu ordered us. "Don't do anything stupid." He grasped Phasma by the elbow and marched forward to the middle of the room. The Herglic approached with Fariya, who, to her credit, looked perfectly calm despite the fact she'd been held prisoner for the past two days.

In fact,  _everyone_ seemed calm, though given the circumstances it was certainly forced. So why did I feel such a jittery twinge in my stomach? Why were nerves plucking an icy tune up my spine?

'Kylo, where is Snoke? Why isn't he here?'

He still didn't answer.

Broodu and the Herglic swapped prisoners in the middle of the room and returned to their respective sides. Just that quickly Fariya was back, safe and sound, with the Resistance.

"Glad to get away from those psychos," she said light-heartedly to Leia, who unfastened the handcuffs while Luke scanned her with a Force-enhanced eye to ensure the Order had not done any invisible permanent damage.

"We're thrilled to have you back," Leia said with a warm smile, wrapping her in a tight hug.

Meanwhile, I couldn't tear my eyes from Ren. My anxiety starting to leak toward him through the bond. I tried one last time: ' _Kylo?_ '

Finally, his helmet tilted and he turned to look directly at me from across the room.

'You need to leave.'

There were so many ways he could have spoken those four words: threatening, arrogant, bitter. Cold and somber, or even soft and regretful.

But his tone conveyed none of those, and that was what caused the nervous energy dancing along my spine to coalesce into a pulsing, throbbing pit of very real dread in my stomach: Kylo Ren was  _scared_.

He knew exactly why Snoke wasn't here in the room. He knew and he couldn't tell me because his staunch obedience to his master forbid such an outright betrayal… but he had still warned me, and that act of disloyalty spoke volumes about how much Snoke's absence frightened him.

Now Luke and Leia were both hugging Fariya. After a critical inspection, Hux had enveloped Phasma in a tight embrace as well. Ren and I were standing still, gazes locked across the room. There was nothing I could really say to him, not with the heated moment from the night before still fresh and raw in my mind. So I shared the only words that made sense: 'Thank you.'

Ren just barely inclined his head in acknowledgment. He turned and hit Hux in the shoulder, startling the General from his embrace with Phasma. The three of them left the room through their turbolift, accompanied by their Herglic escort.

Our group reentered our own turbolift, which shot us back up to the main level of Skunkt. Fariya was chattering animatedly, eager to share every second of Jedi courage and bravery she'd shown during her ordeal.

As we left the lift, I touched Leia's elbow. "General," I interrupted.

Leia saw the alarm in my face and immediately gave me her complete attention. "What is it, Rey?"

In that instant, I realized exactly why Leia was such an invaluable leader. She didn't know the magnitude of the problem I was bringing to her attention – hell, even  _I_  wasn't fully sure – but she was instantly prepared to listen to me and mobilize whatever resources she had at her disposal to resolve it.

"Something is wrong. We need to talk to Roony."

Leia unclipped her comm from her belt. "Organa here," she spoke into it. "Roony, do you copy?"

A long, eerie silence stretched between us.

Leia repeated her words: "Roony, are you there? Repeat, do you copy?"

I spun toward Broodu, who was trying to slink away unnoticed down the hallway.

"Why isn't Roony responding?" I asked him.

Broodu shrugged, his scales flashing in the dim hallway lighting. "Working," he grunted.

"Isn't he supposed to monitor the prisoner exchange? Why wouldn't he answer?" Leia challenged.

My thoughts flew at a furious pace. First Snoke, and now Roony, were absent from this meeting. What could be more important than a highly risky prisoner exchange between the Resistance and the First Order? Ren had told me Snoke wasn't truly concerned about Phasma's safe return, and was only here on Skunkt because Ren and Hux had talked him into the exchange. Now Snoke was going after something apparently much more valuable to him than Captain Phasma, something important and powerful enough to spook Ren. What had caught his interest?

I took quick, violent steps toward Broodu and cornered him against the wall.

"Tell us where Roony is."

Broodu was stubbornly silent.

And I knew – _I knew_  I shouldn't have, but I was scared, and I was mad. Before I could take it back, I'd swarmed Broodu's head with Force power and mind-tricked him so hard his eyes crossed in front of his face.

"Rey!" Luke chastised me sharply.

I ignored him and urgently repeated my question: "Where is Roony?"

Broodu's head lolled to one side, his voice toneless: "Hiding from Snoke."

"Why?"

"The memories Roony took from you. Snoke wants them."

 _Shit._  The memories that had been meant to act as collateral for our dangerous meeting with the Order had inadvertently become more valuable than the results of the meeting itself.

I spun to face the others. Luke and Leia had gone pale, while Fariya and the guards looked confused.

" _What_  memories?" Fariya asked.

No one answered her.

Luke, Leia and I knew the danger of Snoke getting his hands on our deepest secrets. The First Order would twist them into propaganda used to slander our names across the entire galaxy. The thought of my private moment with Ren in the Gryl's temple plastered across HoloNet newsfeeds made me squirm in embarrassment. How could I face Leia and Luke, not to mention Finn and Poe and the rest of the Resistance, after something like that went public? Not to mention whatever skeletons Luke and Leia had dragged out of their closets for Roony's macabre demands. We  _had_ to find Roony before Snoke did.

Luke's mechanical fingers clacked together anxiously.

"Leia, take Rey, Fariya and the guards back to the transport and prepare for immediate departure. I'm going to look for Roony."

"I'm coming with you," I told him.

"Wait, that's  _my_ line," Leia said to me, her lips quirked in a slight smile despite the gravity of the situation.

Luke shook his head at his sister. "If these secrets are exposed to the galaxy, you're the only person who can deal with the aftermath. You need to get home safely. None of the rest of us matter."

"You're crazy if you think I'm letting you go alone! Take Rey with you."

Luke hesitated. It dawned on me with stinging clarity that Luke didn't entirely trust me. The time I'd recently spent with Ren, coupled with the way I'd used the Force in front of him just now and in the past, apparently didn't inspire complete confidence in my intentions or loyalty to the Resistance.

"I want to help," I said quietly. "We can't let the First Order win."

Luke exhaled. "Rey and I will look for Roony together," he conceded. "If you don't hear from us in twenty minutes, leave Skunkt. We're not worth the risk to stay any longer. Do you understand? Leave me and Rey behind. We'll charter another ship to get home."

Leia's jaw clenched in displeasure, but she gave him a dignified nod. "Roony's bracelets are likely worthless now that the exchange is finalized. You're on your own out there. Stay safe."

Leia, Fariya and the four guards departed, leaving me and Luke with Broodu.

"Why is everyone riled up over a memory?" Fariya asked in a wheedling tone as they walked away.

Once they had vanished around a corner, Luke turned to me and bluntly asked: "Rey, do you still want to become a Jedi?"

I gaped at him. I'd expected a rebuke for the harsh mind-trick I'd inflicted on Broodu, but not  _this_.

"What other choice do I have?" I replied, trying to make the question sound nonchalant despite actively wondering about its answer.

Thankfully, Luke didn't appear offended – or even surprised – by my response.

"We'll discuss this further back at base. Until then, for both of our sakes, please adhere to your training and control your anger. You're going to get us killed if you resort to being fueled by your emotions during a time like this."

Luke grabbed Broodu's elbow, who had tried to slink off again while we weren't watching him. "Take us to the last place you saw Roony," he ordered, a measured dose of Force power lending strength to the command.

Broodu sagged against Luke's grip and nodded, stomping off at a hurried pace back the way we'd come. A few minutes later, he stopped outside the room that Ren and I had visited last night immediately after the meeting. He pushed several buttons on the wall-mounted panel, which gave a shrill beep and flashed red.

"He was here before the meeting," Broodu grunted, "but the code has changed."

I barely heard him, disturbed by a sensation rippling through the Force. A persistent tremble was coming from somewhere above us, like someone punching the Force web repeatedly.

"Do you feel that?" I asked Luke. "That's Roony using the Force. He's calling to us. He's nearby."

At that precise moment, a squad of six Stormtroopers rounded the corner of the hallway. We all stood frozen in shock for an impossibly long second, and then everyone sprang into action.

Broodu retreated from the fight, his heavy steps lumbering back down the corridor behind us. Luke ignited his lightsaber. I pulled forth a hardened, glittering shield of air, the motion like second nature after so much time spent using the Force during Potentium missions. The Stormtroopers raised their blasters and showered us with bolts, which fizzled against my shield while Luke expertly rebounded several off of his humming lightsaber. Three Stormtroopers crumpled to the floor, shot by their own bolts thanks to Luke's Force-enhanced reflexes.

I scraped some spare energy from the side of my shield and shaped it into a bar parallel to the floor, then sent it speeding down the hallway. The invisible mass smacked the legs of the three Stormtroopers still standing, and they all yelled in surprise as they tripped and fell to the floor.

As the trooper closest to me went down on his hands and knees, his blaster fired off an errant bolt. It glanced off a light fixture in the wall and came straight at me, sizzling through the weakened area I'd inadvertently created in the side of my shield. I rapidly pushed power toward the bolt, intending to soak up the plasma before it struck me.

Then something happened that I wasn't expecting at all: the bolt dragged to a halt in midair a mere foot in front of my face, shaking and vibrating as the energy begged for release from its unnatural immobility.

I had seen this happen before, on Gryl. It could only mean one thing.

I looked past the hissing, snapping bolt to where Kylo Ren's black form dominated the middle of the corridor, hand outstretched in my direction. Luke stared at him in curious silence. Knowing that Ren tolerated my presence was one thing; witnessing him protect me from potential harm was quite another. However, Ren was still under the impression that Luke didn't know about our Potentium missions, so he quickly moved to correct his apparent slip-up.

"Your orders were clear. They are to be taken  _alive_ ," he snapped at the Stormtrooper who had unwittingly almost shot me, giving him a savage kick in the ribs. Then he stalked forward, closing the gap between us.

"Skywalker," Ren growled, his words hot and deep and dead through his helmet.

Luke took a few steps closer to his nephew and nodded. "Ben."

Ren exhaled in dissatisfaction, creating a storm of static in his voice modulator. "You know better than to address me by that name. It won't bring your nephew back."

"I don't believe he ever truly left."

"Your beliefs are worthless. You've lost all purpose since leading the Jedi Order to ruin. My own intent is clear. I'm here to finish Vader's work and end the Jedi forever."

"You cannot claim to be Darth Vader's grandson while disregarding the family forever bound to both you and him. Me, your mother. Your  _father_."

Luke's voice cracked the slightest bit and he stopped short, grief evident in the deeply weary stare directed at his nephew. Why had all three generations of Skywalkers fought one another? Why did this family refuse to embrace peace?

"You strive to uphold your grandfather's legacy," Luke continued, "yet you fall short in so many ways. The only place you outmatch Darth Vader is your willingness to be deluded by your master."

The bolt shaking in front of my face abruptly broke free of its invisible cage, but instead of hitting me it shot straight toward Luke. Luke ducked out of its way, but Ren took full advantage of the distraction as he activated his crackling red saber and launched toward his uncle.

For a second I could only stand paralyzed as they met each other in battle. Luke and Ren spun and whirled around each other at such a blinding pace that I had to use the Force to track them. They executed a living game of Sabbac – seamlessly moving and bluffing and countering in the span of milliseconds – lightsaber blades whipping through the air and cracking upon impact with each other. Luke deflected all of Ren's heavy blows with fluid ease, though he seemed reluctant to make any offensive strikes against his nephew.

I had fought Ren before, and had always known I'd have to fight him again. But as my hand curled around the hilt of my lightsaber – a spare that Luke had given me after Starkiller – I realized that battling him in a cramped corridor, with his estranged uncle at my side and our intimacy from the night before still thundering through my veins made everything about it feel wrong and unfair.

I tried to forge a connection to Ren through our bond, but he was hidden inside a maelstrom of anger in the Force web. His mind was ablaze with fury, leaving no room for me or even rational thought. He howled in absolute hatred as he brought his blade down in a powerful, wild swing at his uncle, and for a moment it terrified me that I'd willingly kissed this man just the night before.

I had called him a monster after murdering Han. Did I still think it was possible he could change?

Luke leapt out of the way of Ren's blow, moving to the opposite side of the corridor so indescribably fast he practically teleported. Before Ren recovered his balance, Luke swung and grazed Ren's arm with the tip of his green saber. Ren staggered back, clutching his arm.

During the brief break in the fight, Luke saw me still standing there in the hallway, frozen like an idiot. "GO!" he yelled, and I abruptly realized Luke meant to hold Ren's attention while I searched for Roony and the memories. My heart broke as I spun and left them behind, locked in a twisted battle that had originated with the Sith and was perpetuated by Snoke.

I followed the strange pounding in my head caused by Roony bashing on the Force web. After a few minutes of running through Skunkt's labyrinth of hallways, I reached the door to his current hideout. It was indistinguishable from the hundreds like it in this residential area of the space station. The door rumbled open when I approached and revealed Roony kneeling in the middle of the floor, clutching a blaster. The room was empty besides a single light fixture embedded in the ceiling, which cast an unhealthy yellow glow over Roony's bald head.

I knelt next to him, startled to see magenta blood trickling from his ears.

"You're mixed up with some bad people," Roony said, accompanied by a hacking cough which made his colorful mohawk quiver.

"Are you alright?"

He looked at me and nodded, and it was then I realized that something was  _not right_  with Roony. None of his four eyes were actually focused on my face, and they gleamed just a smidge farther away from sanity than was comfortable.

"Snoke found me. Here, in my head." Roony tittered nervously, projecting the memory into the Force web. I caught a glimpse of the interrogation he had gone through while imprisoned inside his own mind. The ordeal had clearly left behind mental scars. "He saw that I'd already destroyed the memories. But now he knows there's nothing stopping him. No collateral, no safety net for the Resistance. He's not coming after me or the memories anymore. He's going after  _you_."

I struggled to follow his erratic warning. "So why… why were you calling to me and Luke? If the memories are destroyed?"

Roony's face twitched, and all of his eyes completely lost focus and lolled in four different directions at once.

"Snoke didn't search deep enough to find the truth," he said, his voice strained and bordering on maniacal. Fear itched up my spine. "He only wanted to know if the original memories were gone. They are. Gone, gone, gone. But one of them… I made a copy of one."

Roony pulled a disk from his pocket, one that could be played on a holopad.

"I lied to you," Roony said. His tone was momentarily more sane, and full of regret. "I lied about everything. When I first got into this business, I vowed to never watch any secrets. But it was too much to resist. I started to give in. Just one secret out of the bunch, I thought. I would just watch one. But it got addictive. I had to know more. I started to watch all of the secrets. Every single one. Snoke knew I'd watched the memories you gave me. I don't know how he figured it out. That freak is ancient. Powerful. Insane. You need to know what you're up against."

He tapped the disk with a dirty fingernail.

"This one involves both of you. Watch it. You need to know."

"Both? Who?"

Roony gave me a sly grin. "I watched your secret. You know who."

Kylo Ren. This memory concerned him, too? Was it  _his?_

Suddenly, the light in Roony's squalid hideout flared from a power surge in the space station. An explosion boomed in the distance, and the floor and walls vibrated from the waves of pressure. The First Order seemed intent on ripping apart the space station – and then I remembered that they weren't looking for Roony at all. Snoke was hunting _us_.

Roony shivered as his brief spell of calmness evaporated, replaced by a bone-jarring shake in the Force web and more nervous tittering. There was a fluttering sensation against my ear, like a winged insect had buzzed too close.

Roony handed me the disk, his fingers trembling so badly it took effort to pluck it from his grasp. I tucked the disk inside a deep pocket in my vest.

"Thank you, Roony. I'm sorry you got mixed up in all of this."

But my words fell on deaf ears as Roony started crooning to himself in a sing-song voice. "One and one is two. Two and one is three. You and me are he and she, though not the same as being we."

The door rattled open as I edged toward it, frightened by Roony's mental state deteriorating right in front of me. Roony continued singing to himself as I left the room: "Let's go home, the bantha said. Let's go home and go to bed."

The door slid shut behind me as I entered the hall. I inhaling shaking breaths for a long second, forcing myself to remain calm and clear-headed despite the waves of absolute panic threatening to scatter my thoughts. Could Snoke invade my mind the same way he had Roony's? Would he steal all of my sanity, leaving only a husk behind? What the hell had Roony seen in that memory?

My thoughts came to a screeching halt when I heard the unmistakable sound of a blaster shot from inside the room. I stood completely motionless in the hallway. My heart turned to ice in my chest. Was Roony… had Roony just…. ?

The silence emanating from the room was horrifying.

The sudden stillness in the Force web was far worse.

I swallowed the thick, heaving sobs rising in my throat and backed away from the door. I had to find Luke. I had to reach Leia and the others in the hanger. I had to get the hell off of Skunkt and never come back. I bolted down the hallway, frantically retracing my steps to the place I'd left Luke and Ren embroiled in their bitter fight. However, the corridor was eerily silent, and I would've thought I'd made a wrong turn if it weren't for the Stormtroopers slumped against the floor.

Though I trembled at what I might find, I plucked at my bond to Ren. His mind was no longer enshrined in anger, but still bristled with raw, blistering heat. 'Where are you?'

'I'm on the opposite side of Skunkt,' he seethed. 'Skywalker locked me in a turbolift and left.'

'Is he okay?'

'Quit worrying about him and get the hell off Skunkt! Snoke will destroy this place looking for the Resistance. This is the last time I'll warn you.'

'I'm not leaving without Luke!' I snapped, and pulled up shields to block his furious growls out of my head.

I scooped up more power as my feet carried me through the hallways of Skunkt. I swept my power through the minds of everyone I passed, like brushing my hand against the warm mass of a sand dune, and placed gentle whispers in their subconscious.  _Have you seen him?_  I asked, pressing an image of Luke into their minds – his disapproving stare, graying beard, hood pulled low over fierce eyes.  _I need to find him. Where is he?_

But no one responded to my silent, pleading questions, and worse, the strain of physically navigating across Skunkt while mentally searching for Luke through the Force was rapidly weakening my focus.

The corridor opened into a plaza I'd never seen before where red lights pointed at a gurgling fountain in its center. I spotted the Stormtrooper squad the same moment they saw me and prepared to defend myself, but I couldn't strengthen my grip on my fading power. The golden lines of my Force signature dimmed as the energy leaked back into the Force web.

The Stormtroopers ran across the plaza, fanning out into a tactical formation to block my exits and capture me. I succumbed to a moment of helpless panic as I dropped my mental shields and screamed wildly into the Force:  _LUKE!_

I clearly heard him say my name, but then it morphed into a rumbling, guttural voice. Soul-wrenching dread sank into the pit of my stomach. Before I had time to slam down my shields or even blink, Snoke barreled into my mind with the force of a doomed ship meeting its grave upon the earth.

I tried to yell again for Luke, but all of the air had been sucked from my lungs. I coughed and barely managed to draw rasping, hacking breaths into lungs too small to contain them. My chest burned like I'd stuck my face straight into a fire and inhaled. I buckled to the ground, dizzy and weak, powerless to fight back against Snoke's presence inside my head.

When I'd been a prisoner of the First Order, Ren had used the Force to view the worst memories of my life.

Snoke was able to  _create_ them.

He forced vision after vision into my exhausted brain: Finn and Poe spiraling out of control in a damaged ship and dying in a fiery explosion, Daamith corrupting Fariya to the dark side of the Force and unleashing her as an agent of the First Order, Kylo Ren's blood-red lightsaber slicing off Luke and Leia's heads.

Suddenly, something warm and solid smacked me across the face so hard I cried out in shock. The impact knocked me clear of the visions long enough to focus on Cue's electric blue eyes.

"Cue," I sputtered, taking the scraps of golden power glittering around me and quickly smashing them together into a weak shield. I spotted the Stormtroopers strewn motionless on the floor around us. "What are.."

"The fucking  _leader of the Order_  is here, and he's tearing this place apart looking for the Resistance. Ren sent me to find you and get you off Skunkt. Why the hell were Stormtroopers attacking you? Where's your ship?"

Snoke's power manifested as black spikes drilling through my shields, decimating my fragile golden lines. Though I didn't know the depth of Cue's allegiance to Ren or the Order, I knew I wouldn't make it off of Skunkt without her help. Right as I spoke the name of the hanger where the Resistance's transport was parked, Snoke pierced through my battered shield and viciously pried it away, like a scab off of raw skin.

I clutched my head while my mind flooded with a new terrible vision: Unkar cheating me out of portions so many times I grew weak from hunger, and lost my footing while scavenging in the Graveyard. The fall broke my legs, and I lay there for days, slowly dying from thirst and exposure, while other scavengers passed by and didn't lift a finger to help.

My name echoed against my ears, like someone yelling it from across a great distance, but I only sank deeper into these terrible, fake memories, each more horrible than the last: suffocating in space, drowning at the bottom of the ocean, the Resistance base in flames, suffering through a lifetime of loneliness on Jakku, my parents never returning – not because they were dead – but because _I wasn't worth coming back for_.

Out of nowhere, a massive wave of power ricocheted throughout my entire body and the visions crumbled to dust. Snoke hissed in fury as he evaporated from my mind. I realized I'd been moving this whole time, Cue helping me stumble through the hallways of Skunkt as I clung to her shoulder for dear life.

"Keep moving, Rey!" a voice shouted from the corridor behind me. I craned my neck to see Luke Skywalker single-handedly fighting off a dozen Stormtroopers, his cloak whipping in an invisible storm as he majestically flung his arm outward and sent his opponents flying through mid-air.

I faced forward again, catching Cue's shocked gaze as we crossed the threshold into the private hanger. I almost cried at the sight of Leia in the doorway of the Resistance transport. She and the Resistance guards adamantly defended the ship against the horde of Stormtroopers who had followed us into the hanger.

Blaster beams howled past us as Cue and I stumbled up the ramp of the ship, followed closely by Luke. One of the guards took a hit to the shoulder seconds before the door sealed behind us. The other guards rushed to help him while Cue buckled herself in beside Fariya, whose mouth dropped open at the sight of Cue's exotically colored skin and gleaming blue eyes.

The hull erupted with staccato pops from blaster shots as I followed Luke and Leia into the cockpit. They dropped into the pilot's chairs and I took a seat behind them, secretly glad they were at the helm because I was a shivering, exhausted mess.

"Did you find Roony?" Leia asked over her shoulder while Luke punched buttons on the ship's console

"Yes." My heart pounded directly against the disk hidden in my vest pocket. "He destroyed the memories before Snoke could see them. And then he killed himself."

Leia's soft sigh was drowned out by an explosion at the far end of the ship. Shrill alarms blasted in our ears.

"We're cutting this close," Luke warned.

"You can take off from the hanger at lightspeed," I suggested, and the twin's identical, incredulous looks prompted me to add, "Han's done it."

Luke and Leia shared a terrible, forlorn glance.

"I wish he were here," Leia whispered.

I opened my mouth to echo her sentiment, until I remembered that just hours ago I'd passionately kissed the son who had murdered him in cold blood. The son who might have already been given orders to kill me.  _You won't survive him,_  Phasma had warned me, unaware that the lost scavenger from Jakku had already started surrendering to a quiet death. My eyes pinched shut to hold back sudden, stinging tears, and then the hyperdrive roared around us and we vanished into the safety of space.

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

_In the previous chapter: Phasma reminds Rey that Kylo Ren will ultimately be given orders to kill her, or worse. Snoke's absence at the prisoner exchange reveals his sinister intentions to steal the memories Roony used as collateral. Roony gives Rey a copy of one of the memories before killing himself. Snoke invades Rey's mind, but with Cue's help she manages to escape Skunkt with the rest of the Resistance._

* * *

 

Luke expertly navigated our transport through several hyperspace jumps, putting lightyears of space between us and any First Order pursuers. I took over the controls once we were clear of immediate danger, while Leia and Luke talked quietly to Cue in the back of the cockpit.

Luke had created an impressive Force barrier in the doorway to prevent Fariya and the four guards from overhearing their conversation. This didn't stop from Fariya from trying to poke through the seal and eavesdrop, though her efforts were as pointless as scratching through a thick pane of glass with a fingernail.

Leia and Luke were initially alarmed to hear that Kylo Ren had introduced me to Cue, made worse by her honest admittance that she had a lucrative business arrangement to sell him parts for the cyborg Knights of Ren. But hearing details about Squalo – who seized nearly all of her profits from selling parts and her winnings from mech-wrecking – as well as her earnest appreciation for me and Ren helping free her from slavery quickly turned their suspicion into empathy.

"Your situation is a necessary reminder that the First Order are not the only ones who represent oppression in the galaxy," Leia said matter-of-factly. "We can drop you off anywhere you like, though the Resistance is always looking for skilled engineers and mechanics. Could we interest you in joining? You'll have to discontinue your business, but in exchange we can supply you with parts and several hangars full of machinery to work on."

"That would suit me just fine. Will I be working with Rey?" Cue asked, surely recalling my past as a scavenger and our technical conversation about mechsuits from the night before.

Luke glanced at me, puzzled by her assumption. "Rey is not a mechanic. She is my apprentice," he said simply. I guiltily avoided his gaze, wondering how much longer that would be the case.

"You?" Cue said to me. Her surprised laugh bounced around the cockpit. "You're a Jedi? I was right when I said Ren had interesting friends."

Leia's eyebrows shot high on her forehead at the term 'friends.' I fumbled for an explanation that would appease either one of them.

"Rey has a classified mission involving Kylo Ren," Leia interjected smoothly. "When someone asks how you met her, you aren't to speak a word about Ren's involvement. Is that clear?"

Cue's shoulders tightened at Leia's tone, the stern order perhaps too much of a reminder as her life as Squalo's slave. "Yes, ma'am," she said stiffly.

Leia's eyes softened, and she reached out to pat Cue's knee. "It's in the best interests of everyone involved to keep that information secret. I hope you understand. I don't want the three of you hurt."

Cue tilted her head, thrown by Leia's choice of words. She gave Leia a long, searching look, and I noticed her eyes roaming Leia's face and perhaps coming to a deeper realization about the true nature of the General's relationship to the First Order's enforcer. Finally, Cue nodded at Leia, who inclined her chin in a silent thank-you and then looked at me.

"Rey, please introduce her to Poe once we land. He can help her get situated while I start the paperwork."

–

–

–

Poe took one look at Cue and fell for her so hard I thought he might break his neck on the way down.

His eyes discreetly admired her exotic appearance, lips parted in slight awe as I made introductions. "Poe, this is Cue'ar, your new mechanic. Cue, meet Poe. He's the best starfighter pilot in the Resistance. He'll get you up to speed with the day-to-day operations in the hangers."

"A pleasure to meet you, Poe," Cue said, her voice like velvet. It was obvious their attraction went both ways.

"Likewise," Poe replied, running a nervous hand through his dark hair. He was interrupted by BB-8's inquisitive chirping as he peered out from behind Poe's legs. The droid blooped a cautious greeting at Cue, who grinned and spoke to him directly in binary. BB-8 rocked backward in surprise and then wobbled in circles while bleeping happily.

Poe was lost. He had a slightly dazed look in his eye as he reverently led Cue around the hangar. I tagged along, chatting with BB-8 while Poe pointed out various ships and repair bays and introduced her to Resistance members passing by.

Poe's natural charm coupled with BB-8's enthusiasm was a pleasant distraction from the secret disk resting heavily in my vest pocket. It was practically burning a hole in my chest, but the thought of sneaking off and watching it filled me with unexplainable dread. Though Roony had implied the memory belonged to Ren, I didn't actually know who or where the memory had originated from. However, it was beyond doubt was that the secrets hidden within the disk would be difficult to watch.

I was also doing my best to put off my eventual meeting with Luke, and any discussion of my future as a Jedi. After the chaotic morning, I yearned for a few hours where I could feel safe, worry-free and… well,  _normal_.

Poe had started to describe the daily duties of a Resistance mechanic. My fingers itched in longing at the mere mention of rebuilding starship engines and optimizing thruster component configurations. What if I were a mechanic for the Resistance, instead of a Jedi apprentice? The thought wiggled deep into my mind and refused to budge no matter how much I picked at it.

A few hours passed peacefully as Poe finished showing Cue the hangers and moved on to a tour of the Resistance base, followed by dinner in the mess hall. It was now evening on Emmett II, and the corridors were open and uncrowded – a welcome relief from the stifling atmosphere of Skunkt.

After we dropped off our empty dinner trays, Poe and I led Cue to the medbay where she was scheduled to get her physical. As soon as the three of us entered the bright and brutally clean room, my eyes connected directly with Fariya's across the room.

I suddenly recalled the memory Ren had shared with me yesterday, showing him talking to Fariya during her imprisonment with the Order.

" _Why would you listen to Rey?"_

" _Because I respect her."_

" _Why?"_

Ren had sighed and pulled off his helmet.  _"Because she did this to me,"_ he'd said, pointing to his scar.

Ren had warned me that Fariya might have questions. I wondered exactly how much Fariya had figured out on her own and made a beeline for her across the medbay.

"I'll be over here," I called to Poe, who thought I was distracting Fariya as a favor to him and nodded thankfully.

My fellow Jedi apprentice sat on a medical bed in a room sectioned off with privacy screens. A medic had just finished swabbing the inside of her cheek.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her. "Are you alright?"

Fariya's smile was very broad, flat and fake. "I'm great. Everyone here is so nice."

Though she spoke to me, she was staring intently at Poe and Cue on the opposite side of the med bay. Cue was gesturing to the spot on her side where Squalo had stabbed her the night before, while Poe listened with rapt attention as she described the incident. Even from this distance, their attraction to each other was clear.

The medic dropped the tiny swab into a glass vial and said to Fariya, "I'll be right back. Need to run a radiation scan on you next." As soon as he left, Fariya's smile turned into a pained scowl.

"They're driving me nuts. I've had three different psych evaluations and so many samples taken I think they're trying to clone me."

"I'm sure it's standard procedure after being taken prisoner. They want to make sure you weren't hurt."

The medic returned, pushing a cart laden with several diagnostic scanners. Fariya's eyes went wide at the alarmingly long needle sticking out of one of them, and after a brief moment of pity I decided to step in.

"Excuse me," I said to the medic, subtly calling the Force to me and lightly twisting it around his head. "These scans aren't needed today. You should come back tomorrow."

A loopy smile spread across his face. "I'll come back tomorrow," he repeated, and he trundled away with the cart.

"You're not supposed to do things like that, Rey!" Fariya whispered in admonishment, through her entire body sagged in relief.

"You're only off the hook tonight. Make sure you come back for those scans. And you're welcome," I returned, swiftly surrounding us with the same type of impenetrable sound barrier Luke had created earlier that day. "I truly am glad you're okay. Poe said you were captured trying to save him. He was impressed."

Her look soured. "Look, I know why you really came here, and why you're being nice to me. I didn't tell Leia about your secret."

For one bizarre, heart-stopping moment, my brain scrambled to figure out how Fariya knew about the disk Roony had given me on Skunkt.

Fariya didn't notice my confusion, however, and continued: "I know that Kylo Ren speaks to you through the Force."

My thoughts froze and then backtracked to Ren's memory, when he'd revealed to Fariya both his scarred face and his connection to me.

"Why didn't you tell Leia?"

Fariya shrugged and insolently picked at the hem of her medical gown, her sleek black hair draped over her face. "He said you convinced him not to hurt me. So even if you're talking to a bad person, you're not doing it for bad reasons. I hoped I could convince you to tell her. You know it's the right thing to do."

The truth bubbled up my throat before I could swallow it back down. "She already knows about the Force bond. Luke does, too." The whole story came tumbling out. I told her about the theory of Potentium, secretly going on missions with Ren at Leia's request, and our goal of trying to turn him away from the First Order.

Fariya's eyes were wide, shocked by my revelations, but she was considerate enough to listen without sharing her typical sarcastic teenager commentary.

"Ren and I have been going on Potentium missions for the past few months. It's turned into the worst-kept secret in the entire galaxy. Snoke obviously knew from the start. General Hux and Phasma both know. Finn found out because he followed me two days ago. And the worst part is, I don't even know if I'm helping or making things worse. I see flashes of goodness in him. There are times he does the right thing. But there's also times where he seems happy destroying himself and taking everything down with him."

I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I didn't come over here to talk about my problems, honestly. I came to check on you. Ren showed me some of what you want through while you were with the Order. Are you okay? Did anything happen you didn't feel comfortable talking about with Leia?"

"If I tell you I'm fine, will you actually believe me? No one else has since I've been back."

A grin snuck across my lips. Fariya's prickly exterior hid a deep well of inner courage and strength that I'd grown to admire after repeated glimpses past the brambles.

"There is one thing that's been bugging me," Fariya said. "I didn't feel right asking General Organa about it. I grew up learning about her and the whole Skywalker family. It's been ages since I've seen a photo of Ben Solo, and Luke told me he died, but when Kylo Ren took off his helmet…" She bit her lip, hesitant to voice her suspicions out loud as if they might be treasonous.

"Luke wasn't being completely honest with you," I said quietly. "Kylo is Ben."

Her eyes grew large and luminous, like the twin moons in the Jakku sky. "That's why Leia asked you to help him. To save her son after Snoke seduced him to the dark side. But that would mean Han Solo…" She swallowed hard and couldn't finish the thought.

"I was there," I said sadly. My heart threatened to seize at the memory of Han's body vanishing out of sight, gravity making the fall look calm and effortless despite the monumental struggle that had preceded it. "Finn and I watched him run Han through with his lightsaber. I gave Ren that scar on his face after it happened. I thought he would die on Starkiller."

"Do you wish he had?"

I thought of hard eyes and soft hair. Warm lips and cold water.

"No, of course not. I would never wish that on Leia or Luke."

"Do you like him?"

I blinked and realized the only way to not sound cornered was to lie through my teeth. "He's Leia's son. My mission. He's nothing more than that to me."

"Well, sure, that's what you're supposed to say. But do you  _like_ him?"

Fariya's gaze was piercing in a way that a teenager's had no right to be. My brain fumbled for words that my mouth struggled to string together.

"There's times when he's not necessarily  _unlikable_."

"Have you kissed him?"

"Fariya!" I exclaimed, my cheeks flaring a bright, prudish pink. "It'd hardly be appropriate to–"

"Holy star farts. You totally have. You've made out with Kylo Ren!"

"Fariya! Be quiet!" I implored her, hastily tripling the strength of the sound barrier I'd created earlier.

"Tell me everything!" Fariya demanded, her eyes shining with the thrill of figuring out my secret.

"So you can run and spill it all to Leia? You're out of your mind."

"I already hid one secret from Leia for you. Even though it was pointless," she amended with a roll of her eyes. "I can keep this a secret, too."

"You've already heard plenty," I shot back, moving to leave until Fariya caught my hand. Her face was open and earnest in a way I'd never seen before, and it caught me off guard.

"Rey, I… when I was a prisoner, I kept thinking about how you mind-tricked a guard into releasing you and giving you his blaster. I couldn't even convince my guard to give me an extra biscuit with lunch. I've been jealous of you since we met because I thought your life was this easy, perfect dream. I realize now I was wrong, and it wasn't fair to be rude to you. It wouldn't have been fair even if I was right," she admitted with a shrug. "Look, seriously, I'm not going to tell anyone about you and Ren. At least you have a crush on someone who likes you back."

Her eyes broke from mine, looking across the med bay to where Poe stood protectively by Cue's side as she spoke with a medic.

While a small yet voracious part of me insisted this was all an act on Fariya's part, my deeper intuition knew she was telling me the truth – and I respected her greatly for it. Sometime between being captured by the Order and returning safely to Skunkt, Fariya had learned some hard lessons in growing up.

"It was late last night," I began as Fariya's head whipped back around to face me, "after the meeting with the First Order. We were alone. Ren was in a bad mood like usual. And it just… he was standing right in front of me and it  _happened_ and I should've told him to stop, but I didn't."

I never would've guessed that confiding in Fariya, of all people, about my feelings for Kylo Ren would be such a relief. After keeping my increasingly twisted relationship with him a secret for so long – even being in denial myself, at times – talking about it out loud felt like waking from a dream.

"I'm an idiot for getting in so far over my head. I can't bring Ben back like Leia asked me to. I don't know how to make him abandon the dark side  _and_ Snoke  _and_ the First Order."

Fariya tilted her head, considering her words carefully.

"I don't think anyone in this galaxy, living or dead, could convince Kylo Ren it would be in his best interest to do those things. But for you... he might do it all for you."

–

–

–

Just as I raised my hand to the scanner mounted outside my bedroom door, a voice spoke from further down the hall: "Glad you made it back in one piece."

It was Finn, dressed in a sharply ironed tan and forest green uniform. I smiled as he approached, glad to see his familiar face despite exhaustion making my eyelids heavy.

"I'm not much use split into two pieces," I said lightly.

We hadn't spoken much since he'd unexpectedly found me on Gryl with Kylo Ren two days prior. Judging by the edge in his eyes and his hesitant gesture toward my bedroom door, he was still upset about the unfortunate encounter.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

We entered my room and I closed the door behind us. I didn't invite him to take a seat anywhere, though if he noted the absence of this courtesy he didn't say anything.

"Long day?" I asked him.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and offered a tired smile. "It's always a long day around here, but it's better than the alternative. Was Skunkt as bad as Poe and I warned you it would be?"

"Oh, worse. Indescribably worse," I laughed, though my joviality faded when Finn's dark eyes flicked away from mine in displeasure.

"I read the General's mission report. I wish I'd been there to help you. You shouldn't have been expected to work alone with Ren on the prisoner exchange. It wasn't right for Luke and Leia to put you in that situation."

"Did you misread Leia's report? I  _volunteered_ for that." He shifted uncomfortably on his heels while my eyes narrowed. "This isn't just about my safety on Skunkt. You're still mad about finding us on Gryl. You don't like me spending time with him."

"Of course I don't like it! I hate the creep. Every time I watch you leave base, I wonder if it's going to be the last time I see you. Snoke will eventually command Ren to kill you, or worse. Do you really expect him to ignore those orders?"

Phasma had already grotesquely described what would happen if he didn't. I ignored the frightened clench in my stomach. "Ren was the one who warned me when–"

"Why do you keep taking his side?" Finn cried out, face scrunched up in disbelief. "If I didn't know you, it would sound like you  _enjoy_ being alone with him."

"It's a secret mission, Finn. I can hardly invite along a chaperone."

"You need to tell Leia to suspend this mission, or find somebody different. It's bogus. It isn't worth the danger it puts you in."

Finn's words reminded me of another time he had tried to talk me into running away when the path forward was dangerous and the odds unfavorable. He had vanished through the doors of Maz's tavern and I'd never expected to see him again.

A harsh rebuke formed in my mind –  _you asked me to run and hide then, and you want me to do the same thing now_. I held back the petty urge to throw that statement in his face. Even though I didn't have much practice being someone's friend, I knew they didn't say things like that to each other.

Instead I snapped, "I knew this mission was a terrible idea from the start. I didn't even want to take it in the first place!"

"Then  _why did you?_ "

"Because there's  _no one else!_ "

For a split second, my own words confused me. No one else to take the mission? Or there was no one else like Ren, who alternately understood me, left me irritated beyond belief and set my heart racing like no one in the galaxy could?

"There's no one else who can bring him back from the dark side," I clarified, my voice quiet yet steady. "Leia tried. Luke tried. Han tried. They all failed."

Finn bowed his head. "You're helping someone who doesn't even care about being saved."

"You have to let me try. I know you don't like it, and I'm sorry it makes you angry. Finn, you came back for me on Starkiller. You and Han and Chewie were the first people in my whole life that  _ever_ came back for me. I'll never forget that. You will always be my friend."

"I want to be more than that, Rey."

The whole world squished down into the size of a pinhead and blew back just as quickly.

Finn's eyes were focused intently on my face, and as he stepped forward his hand raised to caress my cheek.

I panicked and stepped back. My arm raised almost instinctively to ward off his hand.

He recognized the denial manifesting in front of him, and I watched, ashamed, as the light died out in his eyes. It had a gruesome air of finality to it, the same way the sunlight on Starkiller Base had met its permanent demise.

"I can't have this conversation right now," I told him, almost babbling in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Finn, I… I'm exhausted. It's been a long day, and I need time to think…"

Finn, to his eternal credit, accepted my rejection gracefully. "Good night, Rey," he whispered, and then he slipped out of my room, leaving behind only a memory of his sad, lonely eyes.

I bit back a sob as my mercifully empty room turned blurry from unshed tears.

I stripped off my vest and pulled out the disk Roony had given me right before he'd ended his life, driven mad by Snoke. I studied its plain, silver surface before setting it on my narrow desk. My nerves were too rattled from the heated encounter with Finn to handle anything more intense than bending over and taking off my shoes. This day truly just needed to end.

I undressed and fell into bed. All of the endless running on Skunkt had wrecked my leg muscles, and my back was stiff from being cramped in the Resistance transport for half the day. I groaned at the simple pleasure of stretching out on a soft, comfortable surface and lying still.

In the darkness of my room I focused on breathing evenly and steadily, wishing the stress of the day would simply drain out of my brain along with all the aches in my muscles. But for some strange reason, the aches only seemed to intensify the longer I lay there.

My eyes snapped open when I realized why.

Ren had silently materialized in my mind, hovering in his familiar spot at the back of my skull – and he  _hurt_. The agony he carried with him across the bond was leaking into my body, causing my nerves to radiate with pain.

I pulled the bond closer, intending to ask him what was wrong, but a blast of searing heat exploded in my head. I gasped out loud as my entire body clenched from the burning wave of fire that resonated through my body, flooding the fibers of my already inflamed muscles.

Ren realized his presence was causing me pain and started to retreat from my head, perhaps assuming he was unwelcome, or ashamed to let me witness his private suffering.

I gently tugged at the golden cord that connected us.

'Don't go.'

He stayed.

In my quiet, still room, it became easier to speak like we often did during Potentium missions: exchanging emotions and glimpses of memories rather than complete words or sentences.

He shared a vestige of him worrying about my safety on Skunkt. I sent back a hint of the terrifying ordeal from Snoke attacking me, a flash of Cue, Poe and BB-8 in a corner of the hangar, Fariya's unnervingly potent stare in the medbay, and a brief, vague fragment of arguing with Finn. None of it made sense without context, but clearly conveyed the trying day I'd had. Despite my utter exhaustion, however, I was fine.

Ren hadn't fared so well.

He had come back to Snoke empty handed – no me, no Luke, no memories – and Snoke had tortured him mercilessly for this failure.  _"Oh, you're sorry, Lord Ren? SORRY? Shall I remind you of how Lord Vader accepted apologies?"_

The white-hot pain of torture had faded hours ago, but the wounds left behind had spread into a caustic ache that still lanced through his bones.

'Go to the med bay,' I urged him.

'And let people see me like this? Weak?' he scoffed.

A strange feeling came over me. Ren had refused to let others witness his pain, yet he hadn't hidden it from me. Me, his worst failure, according to Phasma.

I followed our bond's golden cord deeper into the Force web, focusing my awareness solely on Ren at the far end. I landed in his head, surrounded by his molten, mental mindscape, and tried something I'd never done before: I imagined our vision overlapping, and then simultaneously closed my eyes while I looked out through his.

His room was a hundred different shades of gray and silver and chrome, all covered in shadows except for one enormous window panel that stretched from the floor to the ceiling. It was faintly illuminated from the starlight beyond. Ren's view was tilted and partially obscured by a pillow from where he lay huddled on his bed. Even his sheets were a mute, colorless gray.

He knew I was in his head, but besides a slight hitch in his breathing that echoed across my own chest, he made no move to stop my mental roaming.

I focused on the exact places where his body sank into the mattress, how his arms and legs were positioned as he waited for sleep to claim his awareness, and with it, his pain. I used that mental map to trace a path across his broad chest to the edge of his shoulder, then down the length of his muscled arm to where his hand lay limp against the mattress. I imagined my fingers slipping underneath his, willing the Force to manifest in that exact spot in the galaxy. A glow of tangible warmth enveloped my hand, as if his palm rested directly against my skin.

A flicker of shock came from Ren, surprised that the bond was strong enough to mimic the sensation of my hand against his. A deeper emotion spread across the distance, too – a mixture of relief and longing and regret that curled down into my heart and took up residence next to the empty spaces I'd carved out for other dreams that would never be fulfilled.

I burrowed deeper into my blankets and held tight to his hand, sending comfort to both of us the only way I knew how: simple, peaceful memories of pink sunsets, green moss, and blue seas.

'And storage closets,' Ren added, practically drowning the bond with a satisfied smirk.

I huffed at him, self-conscious about acknowledging that intimate, otherworldly moment we'd so passionately shared. He teasingly squeezed my hand, the ghostly pressure of his palm whispering against mine.

We didn't speak further, straying into our own private thoughts and dreams, our secret hopes and fears. But the warmth from his palm didn't fade, and I eventually drifted into sleep holding hands with a phantom.

 

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

_In the previous chapter: Leia hires Cue as a Resistance mechanic, to Poe's immense delight. Rey reveals Ren's true identity to Fariya, who quickly figures out that more is going on between them than just Potentium missions. Rey rejects Finn's romantic advances. Rey and Ren comfort each other as they fall asleep after a harrowing day._

* * *

 

When I opened my eyes the next morning, I was alone in my head once more.

Thoughts rolled around my mind as the balm of sleep drained away. I was worried about Kylo Ren and Finn. Both of them had been badly hurt the night before, albeit Ren suffering from Snoke's torture was significantly different than Finn's heartache caused by my clumsy rejection.

How had things gotten so twisted, that I was harming my ally with one breath and soothing my enemy with the next?

A spark of the fading scavenger from Jakku flared to life with an indignant reminder: I certainly hadn't encouraged Finn's romantic intentions toward me, and at least we'd handled the whole sorry situation like adults. Furthermore, I wasn't being fair to myself by dumbing down my evolving relationship with Kylo and labeling him as just my 'enemy.' He'd been more than that – much more – for months now.

I was doing my best to balance the demands of Leia's mission, Luke's Jedi training, and my own well-being. After a lifetime of having only myself to disappoint, it was bound to sting when I let down someone else. I had survived the absence of both food and friends on Jakku. My situation now was a different, more complicated struggle than anything I'd faced before, but I would not let it break me.

With that bout of self-pity defeated, I stared vacantly at the jagged rock ceiling of my bedroom, well-rested and alert though not quite yet willing to leave the warmth of my bed. I flipped through messages on my datapad, checking new reports and generic updates shared basewide with Resistance personnel. Once I was done, I stretched and rolled onto my side. I instantly spotted the silver disk sitting on my desk where I'd left it the night before. My heart rate ticked upward.

I had to watch it. Knowing what was in the memory was surely better than  _not_ knowing, right?

I swiftly dressed in a clean shirt and pair of pants, shrugged into my gray vest and wound my linen wraps up my forearms. I stared at the disk, beguilingly smooth and harmless, before delicately scooping it off my desk with my fingertips and sliding it into my vest pocket.

A new day had dawned, and with it brought the usual surge of activity around the Resistance base. I walked faster than usual and hoped to all I held dear that I wouldn't bump into Finn. I wound through the crowded hallways, stopping by the base's media center to grab a spare holoplayer, and then headed to the far edge of the base where an exterior door opened into the clear, morning air.

I turned to nod at the guard usually stationed outside the door, but to my surprise, the post was unmanned. I curled the Force web tight around me like a blanket, using the surge of power to search for the guard. No one was nearby, however, and as I released the Force power back into the web I concluded that the guard's schedules must have been adjusted and no one was posted here this morning.

I frowned. In the past I would've been aware of this type of change, whether Finn told me in person or through a security update on my datapad. Perhaps someone had blocked my access to that kind of information as a precaution in case something had gone wrong on Skunkt. If I'd been captured, detailed knowledge of the base's guard rotations would be invaluable to the Order if they wanted to infiltrate the base undetected.

Then an ugly thought settled in my gut: what if the information had been restricted as a permanent safeguard? What if Leia and Finn, like Luke, weren't absolutely certain I was trustworthy anymore?

I shook my head and started up the familiar path to my mountain clearing. The whole thing was probably just an oversight, I reasoned, given that I'd spent the past few days off-base. I needed to focus on the memory.

Nausea clawed at the pit of my stomach every time I thought about watching the disk. I recalled Roony's last words to me as he handed it over.  _This one involves both of you._

A strange thought occurred to me: if I truly thought the disk contained Ren's memory, was it right to watch it without his consent?

 _Had things gone differently on Skunkt, the entire galaxy might be watching it,_ I reasoned. It could even be the twin of the memory I'd handed over to Roony – Ren's version of the sensual moment when he'd held me in the Ramarode temple pool – or perhaps afterward when he'd confessed his growing doubts about Snoke's knowledge of the Force.

Yet no matter how much I wanted this scenario to be true, I couldn't overlook two simple, undeniable facts.

First, Roony had been calling to me  _and_ Luke on Skunkt. He'd meant for both of us to see this memory. I'd just happened to get there first and chosen to hide the disk from everyone else – at least until I'd seen exactly what it contained.

The second, and more irrefutable fact, was that Roony had kept the copy's existence a secret while he suffered and eventually went mad from Snoke's torment. He wouldn't have died to protect information he knew I already had. No matter how much I might wish otherwise, this disk was going to show me a memory neither I nor Luke had been present for – which meant that whatever secrets it contained were dangerous, and the anxiety crawling around in my gut was completely justified.

'What's wrong?' Ren's voice unexpectedly rumbled in my head.

I froze mid-step on the rocky path, eyes darting around in panic.

'Nothing.'

'Liar. I can feel your heart racing all the way from the Finalizer.'

'I'll try harder to keep my shields up,' I replied carefully.

'Don't try too hard,' he murmured back. My neck bloomed with sudden heat as Ren pressed the shadow of a kiss upon my skin. I inhaled sharply at how  _real_ it felt – the heat of his mouth, the pressure of his lips and the slight scrape of teeth between them. Our passionate kiss on Skunkt swept through my thoughts, and I briefly shut my eyes to calm the sudden sensual desire pulsing between my legs.

Last night I'd discovered some sort of mental door between us, and by figuring out how to touch Ren through the bond I'd unwittingly thrown it wide open.

I shivered in the thin, morning air and burrowed deep inside my shields, shifting power around to reinforce their strength. Ren was a welcome distraction, but not while I was preparing to watch one of his deepest secrets. And if it wasn't  _his_ …well, it was imperative to keep him out of my head either way.

The secluded mountainous clearing was still draped in shadows at this early hour, the sun's ascent hidden behind the mammoth peak of Skybreacher overhead. Pebbles ground into my thigh as I sat down, assuming the same cross-legged position I'd used while practicing meditation and other Force exercises here in the past.

The golden lines of my Force signature emerged around me in a perfect sphere. For several minutes I carefully wove additional power into its ornate architecture, further enhancing my shields to keep my mind shrouded in absolute secrecy. Eventually the elegant, lightbound structure refused to absorb any more power and it gleamed as brightly as if the sun were rising on this side of Skybreacher instead of the opposite.

I took a deep breath, empowered by my golden haven, and cautiously pulled the holodisk out of my pocket. I flipped it over several times, examining the smooth, unadorned surface, before inserting it into the portable holoplayer I'd hauled up the mountain with me.

The player clicked and projected a blue hologram of a simple room with a single, oversized window. The image was grainy, as if the memory data was scrambled or corrupted, but my eyes picked out the scene beyond the window: a humble market, decorated with woven banners and bright ribbons that swayed in an afternoon breeze. It was filled with several merchant's stalls and two dozen bronze-skinned humans calmly going about their daily shopping. Beyond the marketplace, plains stretched to the horizon and met a distant, primordial jungle.

The projection originated from the perspective of someone tall, as if I were looking out at the market through their eyes. The person – was it Ren? – turned to the right and Daamith came into view. The crazed, bestial Force-sensitive was staring at me – technically, staring at the owner of this memory – with an expression close to reverence.

The projection's view shifted and focused on a sphere hovering nearby in midair. It was perfectly round, about a foot in diameter, and floated at chest height. The surface appeared slightly textured, perhaps like brushed steel, but the object was clearly not metallic. In fact, its true physical appearance had obviously not translated well through whatever process Roony had used to transcribe the memory to a disk. The sphere had a strange oily sheen to it and flickered in and out of sight like it was formed of matter that wasn't supposed to be trapped on this plane of existence.

I struggled to piece together what was happening in this memory. Was this Ren's perspective? Where was he? What was the sphere's purpose?

It wasn't until a grating, guttural voice emanated from the holoplayer's speaker that I realized with awful, spine chilling clarity that this wasn't Kylo Ren's memory  _at all_.

_It was Snoke's._

"You know what this," he said, gesturing slowly toward the sphere. It wasn't phrased so much as a question but an order for Daamith to provide the correct answer.

"The Victive. An artifact of immense power," Daamith rasped. "It is a beacon in the darkness of the Force."

"Yes," Snoke said, his voice a pleased growl. "And you know where it came from?"

"It was constructed by Darth Khec. The Victive helped him harvest the Force and amplified his powers. Until he lost control of it."

"And what fate did Darth Khec meet?"

Daamith replied without flinching: "Death."

"More than death. Evisceration. The Force turned on him and consumed him whole. I require your aid now, Daamith, to ensure I do not meet the same fate while using the Victive."

Daamith nodded feverishly. "Yes, Master."

"The Victive thrives when connected to minds steeped in the Force," Snoke continued. "Simply touch the artifact while you call to your power. The Victive will do the rest."

Daamith's arm stretched toward the sphere. His claws sank through its surface with little resistance. The artifact hummed, fervently responding to the malevolent energy surrounding it. The people in the marketplace continued shopping, ignorant to the scene unfolding inside.

The sphere's droning hum crackled and ratcheted several octaves higher. The air around the Brenza rippled like a mirage induced by desert heat, creating strange distortions in the holoprojection. Though it was impossible for the holoplayer to reproduce the true sight of the Force's manifestation, it was clear that the Victive had worked as Daamith described and somehow amplified the power around the two Force users.

Suddenly, Daamith's arm plunged elbow-deep into the sphere as if snatched by something supernatural at incredible speed. The Brenza snarled and tried to jerk his limb free, but the Victive refused to release him now that his arm was anchored in its dense core. For the first time Daamith looked nervous, eyes flicking between the Victive and peering directly at me, as Snoke.

"Master?"

Snoke was silent, perhaps relishing the fear emanating from Daamith's beady eyes. Then he lifted his hands to either side of Daamith's head, careful to not touch the Victive as he greedily began to absorb his apprentice's Force power. The air boiled and bubbled like a hot pot of water. The Brenza's face twisted and he snarled in pain.

"Hush," Snoke crooned, his thin, decrepit arms beginning to turn pitch black as he drained Daamith's dark energy. "The strong need never fear their destiny. The gods you worship, your Silenced Ones. How proud they would be of you now. You shall sing praises to them in a voice you never knew you possessed. They will feed you the blood of heretics to make your spirit everlasting. But that time has not yet come. There is much to accomplish first."

Snoke's voice was practically  _cheerful_ , and, by association, all the more eerie and monstrous. His hands dropped away from his apprentice and the projection spun to observe the town on the other side of the windows. I gasped – the people in the previously bustling marketplace were all standing unnaturally still, as if frozen in place.

Snoke raised a single gnarled, black hand and every single person slowly turned their heads to stare straight at me – at Snoke. They were all trapped inside some sort of massive mind trick Snoke had created with the surplus of dark Force power he'd taken from Daamith.

Snoke's hand twisted as he relayed silent, invisible orders to the helpless civilians. They began moving with uncanny uniformity, forming an orderly line in the middle of the marketplace – all except for a young man who stood apart from the others as he robotically pulled a blaster from the holster at his belt.

"No…" I breathed out loud, terrified of what I was about to see.

The young man, caught in the same perverse mind-trick as everyone else in the marketplace, aimed his blaster at a frail, white-haired woman. She crumpled to the ground. The rest of the civilians waited in perfect tranquil stillness as the young man systematically moved down the line and executed every one of them with a single blaster shot to the forehead. At the end, he held the blaster against his temple and delivered himself to the same fate.

"An impressive sight, Supreme Leader," a new voice spoke. General Hux stood to Snoke's left, hands rigidly clasped behind his back as he surveyed the carnage outside the window. "Your most successful test yet, I assume? Considering this apprentice was the first to live through it."

"Only the strongest minds can survive the price the Victive demands," Snoke replied. "Its power will render the Order unstoppable once Lord Ren takes Daamith's place. Together, he and I shall gut the Resistance and smear their entrails through the galaxy."

The projection looked outside once more, where other residents of the small town had discovered the butchery in the marketplace. Their stricken expressions and horrified screams abruptly cut off as the disk ended. The only sound left was my harsh, frightened breathing.

–

–

–

I ran all the way back to my room, nestled deep within the base on Emmett II. I practically threw the holoplayer and the disk inside it under my bed, then sat on the thin mattress and cradled my head in my hands.

I had to warn Leia. Snoke possessed a machine that made him even more powerful with the Force. I pictured Snoke striding through the Resistance base, Force choking entire groups of soldiers or compelling them to fire on their allies. As long as he had the Victive nearby to replenish his Force power, he could cause catastrophic amounts of damage. And Kylo Ren… Snoke planned to use him in that vile machine.

Did Ren know that Snoke intended to sacrifice him to this soulless artifact? And if not…  _what if I told him?_

My heart jolted at the thought.

Would his impending doom be enough to convince him to leave the First Order? To abandon his allegiance to a monster who sought to use him for his power?

My skin prickled and I realized I was covered in a sheen of sweat, both from running to my room and my abject fear. I needed to calm down and clean myself up before bringing my evidence to Leia, because afterward I'd no doubt be stuck in meetings for hours. I stripped off my clothes and stepped into my shower, cranking up the dial so the water blasted me with the force of a lukewarm cyclone. The water ran in heavy rivulets down my skin, cleansing me of the grime and sweat that permeated my body like a disease.

What was I going to do? I had to warn Leia about the Victive. I had to convince Ren to leave the Order before his stubborn loyalty to Snoke killed him. The Resistance had to find the Victive and destroy it before Snoke unleashed its terrible powers on any more innocent victims.

Momentarily overwhelmed, I closed my eyes and leaned forward, pressing my flushed forehead against the cool, smooth wall of the shower.

_Breathe, Rey. Calm down. You're not in this alone. You have friends. You have help. You have…_

Kylo?

The bond flared to life and he was suddenly in my head. My eyes shot open in surprise as he used the same trick I'd figured out last night – how to peer into the room through my own eyes.

'Scavenger, what's going on? You're projecting so loud I can't even–'

His words cut off, strangled by the realization that I was in my shower, soaking wet and naked. For a long, vulnerable second I froze like a skittermouse caught before a vworkka.

But Ren did nothing, said nothing, and several endless, motionless seconds dragged by until a flicker of mischievous, untempered lust rippled through our bond at the same time a pair of strong hands pressed against my waist.

I nearly crumpled to the floor of my shower basin as the pressure of his ghostly hands persistently whispered against my sides. I was only convinced nothing was physically touching me when I glanced down at my bare skin, where my skin was beaded with water droplets undisturbed by Ren's phantom touch. The only place his hands existed were in my mind – but that alone was enough to be devastating.

'What – why are you –'

Ren's husky laugh floated around my head as one of his hands stroked upward until his palm cupped the underside of my breast.

'You've been on edge all morning. Let me help,' he said suggestively.

His fingertips fluttered against my nipple, suddenly culminating in a tight pinch. My own hand flew to my breast, as if I could overwrite his invisible presence against my flesh.

I plucked at the golden cord so it was taut between us, then yanked so we shot out of my head and back into his. The sensation of his hands wandering my body dispersed like a dream upon waking. I hadn't the faintest clue how I planned to tease him in return, only that our fluid balance of power and control couldn't tip too far in his direction. That was up until my fingertips met the sheen of slick sweat covering his torso, accompanied by his deep, rumbling voice ordering someone I couldn't see to leave the room.

My gut clenched as my mind lurched forward to a frightening conclusion: had I stumbled on him being intimate with someone else? A vicious stab of jealousy knotted itself up inside my stomach.

Ren must have felt my reaction before I could properly hide it, because his amusement trickled into my ears: 'Rey, it's a Knight. I was training.'

_Oh._

I shut off the shower and moved into my bedroom, letting the naturally cool, underground air of the mountainous base wash away the confused flush of embarrassment and lust tangled together across my body.

'Why did you close off the bond earlier?' he asked.

'I've had a shit morning.' I couldn't tell Ren about Snoke's gruesome plan now. It had to be in person. I cast about for an acceptable substitute. 'Finn is still upset about us,' I told him, then winced at my phrasing and added, 'I mean, upset about finding us training together on Gryl.'

Out of nowhere, a warm body pressed against my upper back. I gasped softly at the startlingly corporeal sensation of him behind me – suddenly reminded of his size, his strength. Invisible hands returned to my waist like a warm, heavy weight.

'He doesn't matter. I don't intend to share you.'

'It's not up to you,' I shot back as my breathing quickened. The heat that had so quickly dissipated after the shower came flooding back, amplified by Ren's mental and metaphysical presence.

It was impossible to ignore the sensation of him against my back – the rise and fall of his chest, his breath spreading goosebumps along my neck – as vivid as the vision he'd pulled me into on Gryl, after we barely escaped the storm. I knew I could turn around and face empty air. I was clearly still standing alone in the middle of my room on Emmett II.

_He isn't actually here. This isn't real._

Ren's head dipped down and his lips ghosted against the shell of my ear.

'You want it to be real.' His hands slid down until his fingers squeezed against my hip bones, sparking off tingling electricity through my entire body.

Every wild heartbeat fueled the pool of liquid heat deepening between my legs. Ren's mouth drifted down my neck and he pressed hot, breathy kisses there, massaging the skin with his tongue, scraping it lightly with his teeth.

I had to relay my information to Leia. There was no time to get caught up in whatever game Ren was playing. And yet… as long as his hands roamed my body, it was proof that he was alive and that meant I still had a chance to save him. I hesitantly relaxed in his touch as my thoughts turned darkly self-indulgent. I wondered how it would feel to have those same hands moving across my stomach, my breasts, perhaps even lower to that blindingly sensitive area between my legs where only my own hands had ever ventured.

'You would like it,' Ren murmured, his breath burning the promise into my skin.

The importance of heading straight to Leia was quickly receding in my mind, crowded out by thoughts of all the ways I would enjoy Ren's hands on my body.

I lifted an arm behind my head, expecting to find nothing but air until I brushed against a soft head of hair. My fingertips hesitantly curled through the strands. My eyes slipped closed and all the sensations of this shared fantasy multiplied at once: Ren's bare skin touching mine, the vitality pulsing through his veins, the sounds his hands made as they massaged my body – all of it became more intensely, exquisitely real. My plan to talk with Leia vanished unseen over a distant mental horizon.

Ren's palms enveloped my breasts, squeezing them together to form voluptuous mounds which he released only to grab the buds of my nipples and pinch them into hard peaks. His breathing quickened and he pressed forward. Ren's entire body was now flush with mine, and I groaned in breathless pleasure at the solid wall of masculine muscle behind me. His chest pressed against my shoulder blades, followed by a pocket of cooler air where my spine gracefully dipped away from his toned stomach, until my round ass flared back out to meet his thighs. And between his thighs… his solid girth pressed up against me, nestled between my cheeks.

A delicious, aching need began to pulse hard in my core. I was practically panting in anticipation of what was to come, but also apprehensive. I had never gone this far with a man before, and had no one to compare him too, but I could already tell that he was bigger than I'd imagined –  _fantasized_ – about. I pushed back against him, experimentally rolling my hips up against his hard length.

His entire body vibrated in a husky groan, and his teeth latched onto my shoulder, biting down as he sucked with his lips and tongue. My fingers clenched in his hair, gasping from the exquisite pain that lanced through my shoulder. He abused the tender skin as he showed me exactly what sex with him would be like: rough, passionate, uninhibited.

An erotic thrill coursed through my body, leaving me trembling with need. My hand dropped between my legs to satisfy the throbbing emptiness in my core. I rubbed my slit, my finger sliding into my folds to discover the warm slickness within.

I buried the dark shame of getting carried away in this surreal, forbidden fantasy, because in this moment I wanted nothing more than to feel Ren push inside me, stretching me out to accommodate his size, filling me from the inside and then fucking me til I was wild and raw.

My eyes fluttered open and I caught glimpses of stone and water and moonlight – which made no sense until I blinked and realized just how deeply we'd sunk into this dreamlike Force vision. My room on Emmett II had vanished. We were now surrounded by the circular stone walls of the Gryl's Ramarode temple at night. Moonlight illuminated the center rocky island on which we stood and pooled on the water nearby.

As I stared wide-eyed at this surreal change in scenery, a different hand suddenly pushed mine aside. I looked down and could clearly see Ren's hand buried between my legs, his forearm flexing as his fingers rubbed shockwaves into my skin. Two of his fingers slipped between my folds, his blunt fingertips teasing my entrance, and the sheer fact that it was  _Ren_ touching me there, pleasuring me while I watched, made the pulsing ember in my core bloom into a raging wildfire.

I raked my nails across his scalp as his fingers slid further inside me, deeper than my own had ever gone due to my intact virginity. It should have been impossible for him to do that, especially without pain… but this was a sinfully carnal fantasy we were sharing through our Force bond and our bodies were not bound by any physical rules. It wasn't  _actually happening_.

My brain wailed at the unwelcome reminder that Ren was lightyears away on the other side of the galaxy; that even while he seduced me in the temple, his warmth was fabricated, his hands were intangible, his body an ethereal falsehood behind me.

Yet at the same time I wondered if I only let him touch me like this because I knew it was safe. I could cut the bond at any moment and return to the cold solitude of my room. How far was I prepared to let this fantasy go? Did anything he do to me really count when his touch was purely imaginary?

Ren sensed my thoughts and his fingers immediately flexed and curled inside my body. Waves of bliss emanated from a sensitive spot inside me that had never been touched. I moaned, shamelessly rocking back against him.

' _This_ is real,' Ren growled against my neck, his fingers still moving inside me. 'How much I turn you on… how badly I want you. There is nothing imaginary about that.'

His fingers pumped harder, and though my body had never physically experienced the sensation of having anything so deep inside me, my mind lustily filled the gaps.

I surprised myself with my own boldness as my hand snaked behind my back and grasped his shaft. The hard length felt like silk wrapped around a thick steel rod.

I wasn't entirely sure how to move my hand – or honestly what to do at all – until Ren grunted and slid a jumble of intimate memories into my head. It was times when he'd brought about his own release, and they showed me where to grip him so my fingers partially enveloped the tip, how hard to squeeze, and the exact pace that would bring him crashing over the edge.

I matched my grip to his memories and stroked him in one long, smooth, experimental motion. Ren groaned into my hair, thrusting his hips up to meet my hand. It was exhilarating to control his pleasure this way.

My hand swiftly picked up speed to match the pace of his fingers still working in and out of my core. For a rapturous moment our hands moved in perfect unison, stroking and rubbing and caressing each other. My mind knew nothing but our lust-fueled haze, my body only conscious to heat and skin and friction. Pleasure ricocheted through our bond and my head fell back against Ren's shoulder, eyes tightly shut, gasping, until my body succumbed to the rhythmic pressure of his fingers.

Euphoric waves flooded through every inch of me. My mind stuttered and nearly stopped as I came harder than I ever had in my entire life. My clit was so hypersensitive it momentarily went numb from pleasure, but it prickled as feeling returned and my climax renewed with every heartbeat. It gradually faded into a dusky, humming vibration.

Ren's ragged breathing hitched against my ear as his fingers slid out of me. His cock was still rock solid against my ass since I'd reached my climax before him, though he didn't seem to mind as my hand slipped off his shaft and my fingers unthreaded from his hair. I wanted to turn around and kiss Ren senseless, but I was afraid it might shatter the illusion and I'd be left alone in my room. Instead, I took his hand and languidly drew his fingertips across my breast and down the silken skin of my stomach, imagining him ardently following that path with his mouth.

Ren groaned my name against my shoulder. When I turned my head I could see the side of his face: his dark eyes heavy-lidded with lust, the ragged scar across his cheek lending him the visage of a wild animal.

Ren's arm tightly encircled my waist, and his hand, still slick with my own fluids, wrapped snugly under my thigh as he picked me up effortlessly, holding me aloft against him so my toes just barely scraped the floor. This vision wasn't real, after all, so what did gravity matter? But I reached back with my arms anyway, wrapping them around Ren's neck for support. For a moment I hung dreamily suspended in midair, luxuriating against the rippling brawn behind me and feeling more calm and satisfied than I had in a  _very_ long time.

Ren's hand moved away from my thigh and I felt something nudge against my entrance. I held my legs wider apart, wantonly eager for his fingers to return to that molten spot of pleasure buried deep inside me, but my eyes flew wide open when I realized the shape was entirely different this time – wider and thicker and smoother than his fingers.

I could feel his wicked grin pressed against my shoulder as he rubbed the thick tip of his manhood against my sopping wet cunt. He slid a half-formed question into my head –  _I want you-can I-let me-please–_

My breath caught in my throat as a primal thrill shivered across my skin, control dangerously close to slipping away entirely. My body instinctively craved the powerful virility he offered. It seemed to want him inside me more than it wanted air in its lungs.

My eyes slipped closed once more. I subtly tipped my head in a nod that I knew he could sense, and without any delay Ren pushed the head of his cock inside me, slowly parting my slick folds. He was thick and hot and my inner walls clenched around his rigid pressure. My heartbeat went absolutely frantic, wondering if I should tell him no after all, but when I parted my lips my traitorous body only allowed a quiet hiss of aching need to escape. My fingers interlocked with one another behind his neck, clenching and straining so hard the skin went numb.

Ren's head dipped down so his cheek pressed against my own. He adjusted the angle with his hand fisted around his cock and sunk into me another inch, letting my still-throbbing core adjust to his size.

'You're so tight. So  _wet_ ,' he murmured against my skin.

'I want to feel all of you,' I whispered shyly, hesitant to ask for something so  _raunchy_ , but I couldn't bear being half-filled any longer.

Ren gave in to my lusty demand. With a masculine grunt of satisfaction he thrust the rest of the way in so he was seated to the hilt. We both groaned, reveling in the delicious sensation of his cock intimately sheathed inside my body. His chest heaved against my back, one hand cupping my ass while the other pulled me onto his throbbing erection as hard as he could.

Deep down, I knew this richly evocative and sensual vision shared through the Force wasn't real. Though in our heads nothing separated us but skin, physically we were on opposite ends of the galaxy. But Ren was absolutely right: I  _wanted_ this to be real.

Ren's hips flexed as he partially withdrew and thrust into me again, harder this time. The swell of pleasure from the smooth, erotic motion almost made my eyes roll up into my head. The pressure from him burying his cock deep inside my core created a fullness I hadn't known I craved til that very instant. I wanted as much of this sensation as I could take, until he found his own release inside me.

But as Ren adjusted my weight against him one last time, and started to withdraw from my slick channel to actually start fucking me, an unexplainable urge compelled me to say, 'I've never… I mean, I haven't…'

Ren went completely still. A torturous second passed.

'It's okay,' I stammered into the silence. 'I just… I just wanted you to know.'

I moved my hips in slight encouragement. Ren's cock twitched deep in my belly and the sensation nearly made me come a second time. But even though I writhed in his grasp, Ren stubbornly refused to move.

'Fucking hell,' he whispered, pressing a kiss against my temple. 'You know how badly I want you. I'm going to fuck you raw. But not now. Not like this.'

And just like that, he evaporated from my head and body. The fullness inside me shrank, his warmth vanished, and my feet pressed flat against the cold stone floor of my underground room.

What. The.  _Fuck._

I stood in silent shock, chest heaving. His abrupt departure left me simultaneously horny and massively irritated.

'I'm going to have you, Rey,' he promised through the bond. 'Meet me on Gryl tonight. Tell the Resistance you'll be gone a few days. Make something up.'

'I am making no promises to not kill you when I see you.'

He laughed – a deep, rumbling chuckle that conveyed his masculine pride at getting me so worked up. 'Give me a chance to change your mind.'

Then he was gone, and I stomped back into my refresher to take a very,  _very_ cold shower.

 

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

_In the previous chapter: Rey watches Snoke's memory and learns he has control over a powerful Force artifact called the Victive. She's sidetracked by Ren, who senses her dread and helpfully distracts her._

* * *

 

"How did you learn all of this?" Leia asked after I gave her a heavily edited summary of what I knew about the Victive.

I hesitated for a fraction of a second. I'd lied to Leia yesterday about the memory disk's existence, and I couldn't come clean and hand it over now because I needed to show it to Ren as proof of Snoke's plan. Which left me with only one option: "I overheard Ren talking about it to someone through the Force bond. He didn't know I was listening."

Dear stars, I was such a  _liar_.

"Snoke plans to use Ren to power the Victive," I continued before Leia could ask more questions about the source of my information. "But the Victive would hurt him. It would  _kill_ him. I'm going to convince him to leave the Order before that happens. I'll need to be off-base for a few days. Ren would never come back to Emmett II with me. And honestly, I'm not sure anyone but us would even want him here."

Leia's eyes narrowed in thought. "Is there a chance he'll abandon Snoke for good?"

I nodded slowly, hoping I was giving her an honest answer this time. "Yes."

A radiant smile broke through the stormclouds on Leia's face. Her happiness only made me feel uglier for concealing the complete truth. The lies coating my tongue were so many layers deep it was hard not to gag on them.

My heart pounded as Leia searched my face thoughtfully.  _He might think his only way out is to destroy himself, but I'll be damned if I make it easy for him_.  _And if I sleep with him before… or after… or both… I just hope you understand if you ever find out._

Only then did I remember that Leia was Force-sensitive, and I snatched all of my errant thoughts and bundled them down into the depths of my head. Her smile faded, leaving me pinned with a shrewd look. I was pretty sure  _nothing_ got by this woman, whether she used the Force or not.

"After all that happened on Skunkt, are you sure it's safe?" she finally asked.

"He won't hurt me," I replied softly. "And I can handle him if he tries."

"Alright. I'll put together a reconnaissance mission for you as cover. Make sure you inform Luke of your plans before you leave." She snorted at the blanched look on my face. "Oh no. I'm not letting you off that easily. That's a conversation I'm staying far away from."

–

–

–

Luke had just finished a lesson with the group of younger Force sensitives we'd recruited into the Resistance over the past year.

Ammen – the young Gryl who'd had an Awakening and saved her mother's life – chirped a lively greeting at me as she bounded out the door, followed by the rest of the younglings. Luke and I were left alone in the classroom.

"Rey," he greeted me with a swift, appraising look. "Were you the one creating such a disturbance in the Force earlier today?"

It took every ounce of self-control to not blush furiously. Had I really thought fooling around with Ren in such a powerful Force vision smack dab in the middle of the Resistance base would go unnoticed?

"I was talking to Kylo Ren," I replied calmly while my brain raced to fill the gaps. "But then something odd happened with our bond. It must have affected the Force web more than I thought. I overheard him talking about an object called the Victive."

Luke stiffened when I mentioned the Sith artifact by name. He turned away and began straightening the training room. I silently helped him collect wooden training staves and stack meditation pillows.

"What did you overhear?" he asked. I gave him the same explanation I'd given Leia. A pillow slipped from his metallic grasp when I detailed my plan to stay off-base for a few days.

"The Victive is unstable in the hands of a creature like Snoke," Luke warned. "It could very well prove fatal to Ren or anyone else who uses it. Leia is no-doubt eager for you to save her son from his poorly-made decisions, but you must be cautious. His mistakes have harmed the entire galaxy. I fear yours could do the same." His eyes bore into mine before he wearily bent over to retrieve the pillow. "Is there anything else you needed?"

I worried my lower lip, remembering Luke's blunt question to me on Skunkt –  _"Do you still want to become a Jedi?"_  – and my pitiful answer which hadn't exactly been  _"no"_  but definitely wasn't  _"yes."_

"I'm afraid I'm going to make a poor Jedi. I don't feel ready."

"You needn't feel ready, only willing to try your best," Luke said in a serious tone, though his eyes had softened. "Following the path of the Jedi is a lifelong pursuit. There are always more answers to find when you're prepared to seek them out. The questions you ask simply… change. As a scavenger, you surely returned to a ship you'd previously searched and used new knowledge to discover more parts to salvage. Ones you'd missed or overlooked the first time."

Luke's analogy made me uncomfortable. I'd previously compared my mission with Kylo to that of scavenging for the lost, hidden pieces of Ben Solo. It was disconcerting to also liken it to seeking personal, introspective answers to the myriad of Jedi mysteries rooted in the ways of the Force. What if I didn't like the answers I found?

"I wish you'd lived in a different era," Luke sighed, "when Jedi had the luxury of being philosophers and scholars. They were peacekeepers, not political pawns. Perhaps your path through the Force would have been clearer. Perhaps Ben…

"Ben wanted to discontinue his Jedi training. I wouldn't let him," he confessed after a troubled pause. "Han and my sister already feared the dark side's influence over him. Without the guidance of the Jedi code, what would stop him from turning into our father? I realized too late this wasn't the right question to ask. I pushed too hard and gave Snoke the opportunity he needed. By retreating to Ahch-To, I sought to understand my anger and fear in the wake of Ben's betrayal. I needed time to heal and discover the questions I should've been asking all along."

"Did you find them? These questions?"

Luke straightened to his full height, his visage solemn but stalwart. "No. You showed up, holding a legacy I couldn't run away from any more than Ben could."

–

–

–

Finally,  _finally_ , after hours of waiting that dragged by slower than all my years spent on Jakku, it was time to leave Emmett II.

I briefly dipped into Ren's head. 'I'm on my way.'

A rush of energy glow flowed across our bond. 'I'll see you there.'

I plugged the coordinates for Gryl into my cruiser and raced through hyperspace at full throttle.

The journey was brief, but long enough for a crawling bout of anxiety to undermine my initial heady rush of excitement. I absently rubbed my arm, sore from where I'd talked a med droid into discreetly administering a contraceptive implant. After my passionate encounter with Ren this morning, I wasn't even sure I was a virgin anymore. Was I ready to take an already complicated relationship with Ren and throw sex into the mix? I resolved to show him Snoke's memory first, before anything physical ignited between us.

I'd left Emmett II at nightfall, but on Gryl it was just past dawn. I piloted my courier ship to the dark surface, touching down in my usual spot at the base of the village.

Ren was already there, his figure a dark smudge amongst velvet desert shadows. My landing kicked up violent clouds of dust and grit that whipped through his cloak and lifted his dark hair away from his face.

A blush rose to my cheeks as I left my ship and approached Ren. He'd made my body sing through the Force just this morning, and now we were here on Gryl, utterly alone, with all the time in the world to be together.

I had the memory disk securely tucked in my vest pocket, but the importance of that mission dissolved under the heat in Ren's gaze and the answering warmth suffusing my entire body.

We didn't speak a word as Ren wrapped his arms around me and lifted me into the air, almost as effortlessly as he had in our vision, and brought his mouth hungrily to mine. Our lips crashed together with the same desperate, earth-shattering impact of two uncontrolled heavenly masses colliding with helpless finality.

I wound my arms around his neck, one hand tight against his shoulder, the other fisted in his sleek black hair. If his body had felt incredible through the Force, it was nothing –  _nothing_ – compared to the reality of being held tight against his strong, massive frame. My legs instinctively rose and hooked behind his back, rubbing my clit against the hard mound growing in his pants.

We kissed and tasted and all the while yearned for more. Through our bond, I sensed him marveling that I was actually here in his arms – that I was happily accepting the way he made my body hum in pleasure. Accepting  _him_ , just as he was in this moment. For someone like Kylo Ren, who had never loved himself, I wondered if my approval was more precious than all the Force energy in the galaxy.

My eyes drifted open as I broke away from his mouth, close enough to admire the beauty marks dusted across his handsome, aquiline features, as well as the primitive scar that sundered his cheek. His full lips were parted as he panted for air, breath quivering in his throat like the first time I'd thrown him out of my head on Starkiller.

I sunk into our bond and sent him a flash of an explicit fantasy that involved the hand restraints on that particular interrogation rack. His eyes went wide with lust and perhaps a hint of awe while his hand dropped to the front of his pants, clearly ready to take me here and now in the pale dawn.

I squeezed his shoulders harder than necessary, digging my nails through the fabric and pinching his skin. "Not here," I whispered. "The Gryls can see us."

"I don't care," he muttered back. "Let them watch."

I turned my head and swept power high above us. No one was lurking in the numerous open-air caverns that dotted the cliffs towering above us, which was strange for the boisterous, nosy Grylix.

As I hunted for the tribe, picking through the tunnels and interconnected dens and grottos, the first pangs of unease settled into my gut. I couldn't find anyone watching us… because I couldn't find anyone  _at all._

I gave Ren an apologetic glance as my legs unhooked from his waist and I softly dropped to the ground. Ren stared down at me from his looming height, frustration written across his princely brow.

"Something's wrong. The whole tribe should be up there," I said, still whispering despite the fact we appeared to be completely alone. "They might be in trouble."

"And you want to go check on them," he sighed.

I lifted my hand to his cheek, fingers tracing his jaw and the tip of his scar. "Just to make sure everything's alright. I didn't want to stay here anyway." I shared a memory from the first night we'd kissed, when Ren had suggested vanishing into a lavish, discreet inn on Skunkt, and how badly I'd wanted to say yes.

Ren's grip momentarily tightened around me. Then his arms reluctantly slid down my back and dropped to his side.

"Make it fast," he ordered. I teasingly pinched his earlobe in response as we ascended toward the village.

Inside, the tunnels no longer rang with the Gryl's usual chittering excitement. The only sound was the echo of our footsteps down winding stone corridors. It had clearly been the start of a normal day for the tribe. In every cavern we passed through, the materials and tools for sewing projects, stone carvings and jewelry crafting looked like they'd simply been set down for a moment's pause. We glanced inside a kitchen where half-eaten meals lay abandoned, as if the entire tribe had abruptly stood and walked away. An eerie stillness remained after the sudden absence of life, and I was unwillingly reminded of Roony.

"Let's look in the temple," Ren suggested.

My breathing hitched, recalling how we'd briefly stood in a Force-created mirror of the Ramarode earlier today, intoxicated from the feel of our bodies pressed together –  _moving_ together.

The shiver of pleasure vanished the instant we stepped inside the temple. As it so happened, the entire Grylix tribe was here, but my mind went numb from the bloodcurdling scene in front of us.

The Gryl's headless corpses littered the ground and choked the temple pool. The water had turned into a thick, frothy crimson carpet. A ghostly beam of morning light illuminated heads stacked several layers deep on the central rocky island. Their expressions were calmer in death than I'd ever seen them in life.

I dropped to my knees and vomited, my body and mind unable to process the sight of the grotesque massacre. There were no signs, either here or in the rest of the village, that there had been any sort of resistance or fighting. It was like the entire tribe had willingly walked to the temple for their beheading – just like in Snoke's memory, when the crowd of townspeople had lined up and complacently awaited death.

Ren pulled me to my feet and around a bend in the corridor to obscure the ghastly sight – the same corridor we'd cleared of rubble months ago at the very start of Potentium. I burst into tears, grief cascading down my cheeks. Ren wordlessly folded me into a hug which just made me cry harder.

The Gryl had barely taken sides in the galactic war – only grudgingly permitting Ammen to join the Resistance after she'd Awakened. Snoke had absolutely no reason to target their tribe, though he must know this was where Ren and I met for Potentium missions… which could only mean this vulgar display of power was meant as a warning to Ren. To both of us.

Ren's frustrated voice rumbled against me as he tried to come up with an explanation for what we'd seen. "They didn't struggle. It could be a weird ritual sacrifice. Something they've been planning for years."

"You know it's not," I croaked past the harsh burning in my throat. "It's a warning from Snoke."

Ren stiffened at my accusation and I stepped away from his embrace, wiping at my cheeks. The walls that had so willingly crumbled earlier sprang up once more, made whole from our wariness and doubts.

"It's not safe here," I said, delaying the inevitable argument. "We need to leave."

I took one last look into the Gryl's horrid tomb, silently promising to come back and give them a proper burial. We left the defaced temple and retraced our steps to the plains at the base of the cliff, where I recited a coordinate string from memory that Ren could plug into his ship's navicomputer.

"Meet me there," I told him, and only when I was alone in the haunting swirl hyperspace did I break down into tears again.

Snoke had punished us the instant we tried to turn our backs on the war. Did he suspect that Ren had given up trying to recruiting me into the Order? Did he despise competing with me for Ren's attention? Ren was clearly on dangerous ground with his abhorrent leader, and the Gryls had paid for it with their lives. How could I tell Ammen that her entire tribe had been wiped from the face of the planet? That it was partially my fault that they'd been innocent victims of Snoke's ire?

I scrubbed the tears from my face and focused on breathing evenly. I had to look forward and ensure the Gryl's sacrifice wasn't for naught. Ren didn't know about the Victive, judging by his reaction to the grisly scene in the temple. Otherwise he would have recognized it as Snoke's vicious design. That meant that Daamith was still chained to the Sith artifact, but Snoke might turn his ugly gaze on Ren any day now. I couldn't let Ren go back to the Order. All of our private moments shared through the Force bond, all of the work on Potentium – everything led up to this moment. I had to make this happen. Ren's life was at stake.

A soft chime filled the cabin as I exited hyperspace, followed a split second later by Ren's shuttle. A barren, desert planet filled my vision.

'Jakku?' he asked with genuine surprise. 'Why here?'

'We need a place to talk.'

More importantly, I needed a reminder. A glimmer of the sun-forged strength that had kept me alive for years, honed by the sharp edge of hunger and isolated independence. I needed to be rebranded by the fierce, unquenchable fire that had propelled me onward day after day, and forced me to embrace the dark irony of scavenging for life in a graveyard. I had to beat that raw determination deep into my bones until they would only bleed courage should they break.

I would need all of that and more if I was going to survive the earth shaking, heart wrenching, soul shattering conversation I was about to have with Kylo Ren.

 

 

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

_In the previous chapter: Rey tells Leia and Luke about the Victive and her plan to convince Kylo Ren to leave the Order for good. She meets Ren on Gryl, but discovers that Snoke has used the Victive to slaughter the Grylix tribe. She and Ren fly to Jakku to talk._

* * *

 

Every part of Jakku assaulted my senses the instant I left my cruiser. Searing heat blasted my skin. Piercing light from the midday sun made my eyes throb. Sand prickled against my face and strangled my throat when I inhaled. Ahead of me, my ruined AT-AT rose from the desert like the corpse of an enormous beast. Shadows slanted off its blocky form at sharp angles into the rounded sand dunes. Besides our ships and the distant speck of Niima Outpost behind me, there was nothing else manmade in sight.

It was hard to believe I'd survived fifteen inhospitable years here. This desolate wasteland had made me brave, but more importantly, it had made me stubborn. I'd need every scrap of persistence I possessed to convince Ren to leave Snoke and the Order behind. The cracks in his loyalty were there, and just like dismantling a rusted engine, I only had to apply pressure in the right spots to pry his beliefs apart.

"What's the point of coming to this garbage heap?" Ren grumbled, pointlessly kicking sand off his boots.

I ran my hand over the sun-baked metal of the walker's circular foot. "It was my home."

Ren took in the AT-AT with a sort of baffled disbelief and didn't reply.

I followed the leg toward the belly of the downed walker, where an auxiliary hatch served as my front door. The hatch was ajar, a sure sign that others had taken up residence here in my year-long absence. I banged on the metal leg several times and yelled warnings in a half-dozen languages. Sure enough, scuttling footsteps echoed from inside and a couple of Teedo's scampered into the sunlight. They ran off once they recognized me as the dwelling's original owner.

I told Ren to watch his head as I ducked through the hatch entrance and stood inside my old home for the first time in a year.

The interior had been ransacked. In the dim light I saw dishes scattered on the floor near my makeshift kitchen. My workbench was picked clean of tools. The food cache hidden under a loose metal plate was long gone, along with the ship computer I'd pried out of a Y-wing years ago. That loss stung a little. I'd spent countless hours with only that computer for entertainment and had hoped to recover it.

I was so busy inspecting all the corners and niches where I'd stashed my belongings that I didn't notice Ren's fixation on the wall behind me. I followed his gaze to a spot near the entrance hatch, where rows of scratches marched across the metal. The sheer number of them hit me like a fist to the stomach.

"I thought about leaving," I said, the memory escaping into words before I could stop it. "But I'd look at those marks and tell myself I couldn't give up. I'd been here so long. I could wait a few more weeks." It made me bitter that the excuse chaining me to Jakku had been resolutely etched into existence by my own hand.

"How long would you have waited?" Ren asked.

I didn't reply, ashamed of the answer.

Ren carefully sat on my hammock strung up in the corner. The leather straps creaked but bore his weight. He picked up a scavenged gyroscope from a nearby shelf and spun it between his fingers.

I collected the dishes strewn about the floor, mostly to give my hands something to do while I casually asked Ren, "Has Snoke ever talked about something called the Victive? A Sith relic?"

"Not to me, no," he replied after a beat. "I know what it is, though."

He didn't elaborate, and I wondered if he'd learned about it from Luke. I stacked the dishes in a makeshift cupboard and then leaned against it. "Are you aware Snoke has the Victive?"

Ren twisted the gyroscope in his hands and refused to look at me. "So what if he does? He has rooms full of Sith and Jedi relics."

"This is more than a relic. It's dangerous. Snoke can use it to drain Force power from other Force users. He's already done it to Daamith. He's going to do the same to you."

"And I'll only be safe if I leave him and join the Resistance?" he mocked.

"I doubt they'd take you," I snapped, "but you're better off there than dead. You need to know the danger you're in. Snoke will use the Victive to suck out all of your Force power until it kills you."

Ren scoffed. "Snoke has invested years into my training. I'm more valuable to the Order alive than dead."

"No, you aren't. Not once Snoke has used you to get what he wants."

Ren slammed the gyroscope to the floor, eyes flashing in irritation. "Cut it out, Rey. You're smarter than this. You want me to I leave the Order because you're too afraid to sleep with me while I'm on the opposite side."

I gaped at him. His accusation sounded so legitimate despite being untrue. "It's not that at all! I know that if you stay with the Order, _you will die._ "

"Why should I believe you?"

I pulled the disk from my vest pocket and held it up in my palm. "I have proof," I said, chin tilted up in calm defiance. "This is Snoke's memory. Roony gave it to me before he died. Snoke drains Daamith's power while he uses the Victive. He kills people the exact same way he slaughtered the Gryls. He plans to use you and the Victive to conquer the galaxy. Even Hux knows."

Ren's focus jerked to the slim disk, and there it was – the first flicker of doubt piling up behind his dark eyes. My words were widening the cracks in his devotion, fracturing it inch by inch. However, he didn't move to take the disk. The core of his loyalty to the Order was lodged deep. Even the truth about Snoke's deception wasn't enough to sway him from his backstabbing master.

I lowered my hand and slid the disk into my pocket. It was time to apply pressure from a different angle. "Even if you don't care about yourself, I do. I can't bear to watch you let Snoke destroy you."

"Do you think I want you to save me?" he sneered. "Death doesn't scare me, Rey. Not when it serves the principles of the First Order."

"It wouldn't serve the Order. It would serve Snoke. You know there's a difference."

Ren didn't reply, only clenched his fists and stared at me with hard, unflinching eyes.

I took a slow step closer. "Darth Vader would not have willingly died for the Emperor."

Ren's shoulders visibly tensed under his black tunic and his breathing became uneven. "You are walking a dangerous line, Rey," he warned in a low, threatening tone.

My heartbeat rocketed forward, but I dug deep for the words I had to say – the truth he had to grasp. "Snoke wants to kill you, and you'd let him do it. Both Vader and Anakin would be ashamed of you."

Ren surged to his feet. Fury poured from his livid scowl and down his arm, into his clenched fist as he fought to contain the wrath that begged for violent release. The entire room rumbled as Force power sinuously leaked into every crack and crevice of the wrecked AT-AT.

"I've lived with shame my entire life!" he bellowed. "My parents couldn't look at me without seeing the dark side staring back. They knew I struggled with my powers but they were too scared to help. They sent me away to Luke to fix me because they didn't care enough to do it themselves."

My temper flared against his insolent tone. Unbridled, ferocious anger intertwined with the empty ache of abandonment welling up in my chest. "At least they loved you enough to try! Mine dumped me in a junkyard and  _left_."

Our mutual anguish seethed across the bond and boiled in the air around us. Sweat trickled down my neck and made my clothes stick to my skin in all the wrong places. I drew in a ragged breath, struggling to put distance between my heart and my head.

"I had to raise myself," I said while my tone rode the bleeding edge of hysterics. "You saw my memories. The nights I couldn't sleep, when I begged the stars to bring back my family. No one ever came for me. No one loved me enough to come back."

Ren didn't say anything. I wasn't even sure he was breathing.

"You were lucky enough to have people who loved you," I continued. "Perhaps it wasn't what you wanted, and goodness knows you needed more, but your family's love will always be there."

"They abandoned me," he said stubbornly, though he stared at a spot on the floor and refused to meet my eyes.

"Don't you dare say that. They were good people who made bad parents. They never gave up on you. Your father forgave you for killing him even as he died. Your mother wants nothing more in this world than to see you again. To see you happy. Snoke will destroy both you and her with the Victive. He's using you."

"Everyone uses me," he spat. "Even you."

My mouth fell open. "What?"

"You're using me and Potentium as an escape from being a Jedi. It gives you an excuse to use the Force however you want."

Alarm coursed through my veins, stunned at the way he'd turned my words back on me. For the first time, my courage cracked under the weight of his stare.

"I'm not…" I choked out the words and stopped, suddenly unsure.

"I'm not fucking stupid, Rey. We both know you'll never be a Jedi. It's easier to lie to yourself and meet with me in secret than tell Luke you're just as much of a failure as I was. We've been going on Potentium missions for months. Doesn't he see the changes in your Force signature? Why don't he and Leia ever wonder where you are?"

I felt like the ground had vanished under my feet and sent me plummeting to the center of the planet. I gaped at him, stupidly opening and closing my mouth as lies leaked up my throat and crowded onto my tongue.

 _Scavengers don't survive by telling their secrets._ This knowledge had been beaten into me for years and kept me alive on Jakku. But when I was with Ren, I wasn't a scavenger. I wasn't a member of the Resistance, a Jedi apprentice, or even an orphan who still longed for a family. I was just a girl, one who needed more practice being honest with both herself and everyone around her.

I swallowed hard, and the thick knot of deception and lies slid down my throat to be replaced by something dangerously frail: the truth.

"They know," I whispered.

Ren's face went white.

I held his gaze, begging him to understand. "Luke and Leia know I'm here with you. They've known the whole time."

His entire body tensed, rigid and unmoving except for the desperate rise and fall of his chest.

I pressed on, my explanation gushing out of my chest like an unplugged spout. "I told them about Potentium after we were stranded on Gryl. Leia asked me to turn you away from Snoke and the Order. Help you realize it's not too late to leave. Luke has let me practice Potentium with you this whole time. That's how much they care about you. You know that you could go home to Leia today and she would bend over backwards to make things right."

"If she's so desperate to have me back, she shouldn't have sent me away in the first place."

" _You_  were the one that left, Ben Solo! And now you're too scared, and too proud, and too embarrassed to admit you were wrong. It's easier to stay with the Order and swallow Snoke's lies than face the truth."

"Supreme Leader's wisdom is the only truth I'll ever need."

I paused to draw in a shaking breath, but dark energy shivered through the air and turned my words harsh and brutal. "You're so blind. My life here on Jakku was awful, but it was better than being found by Snoke and turned into a mindless  _slave_."

I only stopped talking because Ren's fist suddenly deformed the metal wall of the AT-AT. He drew his bloodied hand back and punched the same spot several more times. I remembered how he'd bashed his wound on Starkiller, seeking strength from the blurring shroud of pain. Fear crawled up my spine and I had the uneasy feeling that I'd gone too far.

"You are  _wrong_ , scavenger," he snarled, rage smoldering in his eyes. "Snoke didn't find you because he didn't want you any more than your family did."

I flinched and he immediately knew he had crossed a line. Despair at hurting me echoed through the bond, but rolling waves of anger carried him away into a downward spiral of hatred. He stalked toward me as tears openly poured down my cheeks. How had this gone so, so  _wrong?_

"Snoke honored me with his attention because my destiny is to rule the galaxy. It's my birthright as the descendent of both Sith and Jedi. After I finish Lord Vader's mission to exterminate the Jedi, I'll help the Order cleanse the galaxy and purge the Resistance from history. And after the Resistance falls, I'll take you for myself," he murmured as he moved closer. "I'll drag you into the darkness with me and rip you apart, until you can't remember how to hate me because I'll give you a place where you belong for the first time in your life."

He took one more menacing step forward and his gloved hand reached for my throat. Fear and fury spiked through my heart. Without hesitation – without even a split-second of rational thought – I threw my hand out, curled my fingers inward like a dying spider, and  _squeezed_.

Black shadows flared around Ren's entire body, outlining him in a halo of darkness. His hands instantly snapped to his throat while his mouth spread in silent agony. He fell to his knees and fought to draw in air with every wrenching gasp.

"You will never have me, Kylo Ren," I hissed, my voice twisted with venom that welled up in my throat like bile. "Snoke will kill you long before the Resistance is gone."

A tiny voice frantically shrieked in my head, mortified at my own actions, but it was overwhelmed by a barbaric and bitter satisfaction at seeing Kylo Ren suffer. He deserved to be punished for refusing to leave his manipulative master, and for murdering Han, injuring Finn, torturing Poe and the rest of the countless atrocities he'd committed. Other dark emotions intertwined with the river of rage pouring unabated from my heart: disgust with Leia for assigning me this mission, despair that I had lost Ren forever, and a crippling doubt that I'd ever amount to anything more than a starved, worthless scavenger.

My eyes snapped away from Ren's tortured face as my Force signature shivered into mid-air around us. The sight instantly doused my roaring anger. Its golden, orderly lines had turned pitch black. They met at sharp, disjointed angles like a piece of broken glass. It looked like madness. It looked  _wrong._

_Stop this, Rey. STOP!_

I gasped and flung the summoned dark power away from me, shattering my Force-signature into a million tiny, glittering shards. Ren slumped to his hands and knees and drew in a terrible, bone-shaking gust of air that rattled down his throat.

My skin went numb as shock overtook my mind. I was no stranger to dark energy after spending time with Ren and merging our powers through Potentium. But this time I'd sailed straight over that intangible line between light and dark without a second glance. The energy's slimy residue stuck to my hands and polluted my thoughts like sludge. I'd trusted myself to never succumb to the dark side's terrible power, but now that trust had been carved from my chest and left it aching and hollow.

Ren looked up at me from where he knelt on the floor, and the awe and amazement on his face crushed my heart into my throat. He wasn't mad that my destructive display of power had Force-choked him half to death. He was enthralled by it.

"If you want to save me, then help me destroy Snoke," he rasped, eyes ablaze. "Join me at the head of the Order. We'll reign over the galaxy together. We can use Potentium to have everything we've ever wanted."

I considered the future he offered. The two of us would wield incredible amounts of power at each other's sides. Could I use that position to kill Snoke and spare the Resistance, or even dismantle the First Order from the inside?

Was this the only way I could save both Kylo and myself from destinies that promised nothing but loneliness and pain?

Ren summoned a thread of power that languidly wrapped around the dregs of dark energy I'd summoned. It pulsed in time with my heartbeat. The intensity of his stare sent me straight back to our desperate battle in the snow on Starkiller. I stood at the edge of the very same cliff, on the precipice of the dark side, with the possibilities of Potentium brushing my fingertips… but it wasn't the right path, and I closed my heart off from that future forever.

"Leave the Order," I implored him, my voice barely louder than a whisper. "It won't make you happy. It never has."

Anguish softened the hard edges of his face, and a desperate sadness haunted his eyes. "You know I can't do that."

"You're wrong, Kylo. You're so wrong."

"Do you refuse to join me?" he asked. My breath hitched as I held in a ragged sob and let silence deliver my answer. His anger finally burned out and left only ash in his stare. "Then we have nothing more to say to each other."

He climbed to his feet and spun to leave, but before he could go I snatched the memory disk from my pocket and held it out toward him, lips mute but eyes screaming. He stared at it for a fathomless moment before reaching out and plucking the disk from my fingertips.

I thought he might drop it to the ground and crush it under his boot, but he tucked it into a concealed pocket in his robes, gave me a hard, calculating stare, and left without another word.

His ship's ion engines roared into the distance, and the bond that always sparked between us turned into a bruise that ached deep inside my chest. I curled up on my old hammock and bawled the way I'd used to when I missed my family – deep, hysterical sobs that poured my sorrow into every wretched corner of my lifeless home.

I laid in miserable silence after the sobs died down to occasional shudders. I'd failed to do every single thing I'd come here to do – I hadn't convinced Ren to leave the Order, couldn't save him from meeting the fate Snoke had planned for him, let down Luke and Leia, and, worst of all, I'd failed  _myself_. I'd given into the dark side in a moment of panic and fury. My relationship with the Force would forever be tainted by that memory.

My eyelids dragged shut, exhausted after the disastrous encounter. The First Order could be on its way here to capture me and I simply didn't care. Perhaps tomorrow my heart would feel less swollen and malformed. Tomorrow I could tell Leia that her son was a lost cause and be rid of this mission forever.

_Tomorrow, Kylo Ren might be dead._

I fell asleep sobbing.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I broke my heart writing this. T-T


	18. Chapter 18

_In the previous chapter: Rey tries to convince Kylo Ren to leave Snoke and the First Order, with disastrous consequences._

* * *

 

I spent the better part of the day trying to break my bond to Ren.

Inside my head, the golden cord vibrated like a live power coupling at my touch. It was apparently content with the current of power flowing between us; indifferent to the grief that welled up in my throat when I thought of our furious argument and the bitterness with which we'd parted.

I followed the bond through my mental starscape to a spot somewhere halfway between us. I was prepared to haul up my shields at any moment should Ren come barreling toward me from the other end. There was no sign of him besides a hazy barrier he'd constructed while I slept. It repelled my presence like forcing the wrong ends of two magnets together.

I pressed closer, intent on studying the structure to figure out how it worked, and then scowled at myself. I was here to destroy the connection that linked me to that wretched man, not admire his latest attempt to shut me out and push me away.

I curled my fingers around the glowing cord and grit my teeth. For the next few hours I tore and ripped and yanked and clawed. I poured my grief and loathing and heartbreak into permanently destroying the gleaming link that bound me to a man I both hated and cared for more than anyone else in the galaxy.

The bond was resilient, however, and remained unscathed no matter what I did. If I tapped deeper into the Force, I could…  _no._  I had no business doing that, not when I could still feel the residue of dark energy on my skin.

Guilt coursed through me at the thought of that shameful, soul-withering moment when I had let all of those awful emotions into my heart: the thrill of unleashing that destruction through the Force, the maniacal glee while watching Ren shiver in agony at my feet, the sheer depth of power at my disposal if I would only...

I flung myself away from the cord, all the way out of my head and back into the sweltering AT-AT on Jakku. Sweat had soaked through my clothing. My eyeballs stung as if they rolled in a bed of sand and grit. My assault on the cord had rebounded into my body and left me with unpleasant stomach cramps along with a throbbing headache.

Shadows had piled high in the corners of the AT-AT while I fought with the bond. I couldn't stay in my ruined home overnight, nor was I willing to sleep on board my ship and risk having half of it scavenged out from under me. Going back to Emmett II was the next logical step… after I'd dealt with the bond.

I descended into my head once more. The bond was no closer to being broken than when I'd started hours ago.

If I couldn't get rid of it, my next best option was to hide it.

I started at Ren's barrier and worked backwards. My hands fluidly camouflaged the cord and obscured its route so it would be almost impossible to find, much less follow. My old scavenger tricks came rushing back as I worked to cover and mask the shining cord. I wrapped the gleaming connection with a blanket of darkness and stars so it blended in completely with the endless expanse of space around me. Then I pulled the cord in different directions to make its path as erratic as possible, looping it around wayward stars and weaving it through far-flung galaxies.

After an hour I was finally finished. There was no doubt that the bond still lurked between us, but if Ren came looking for me it would take him days – if not weeks – to find me.

I retreated to Jakku's dry heat and stood in the doorway of my old home. The sun was melting through the layers of clouds hugging the horizon. My hands fell limp at my side. Every part of my body hurt – my head, my hands, my heart. My stomach was empty. My mouth was dry. I was alone. Outside, the desert was still and lifeless.

I'd left Jakku a year ago, but in that moment, it felt like nothing had ever changed.

–

–

–

I accidentally barged into a meeting of high-ranking Resistance officers while looking for Leia.

A sea of inquisitive faces stared at my unexpected entrance. My exhausted brain recalled too late that the lieutenant who'd told me the General's location had warned me that she was busy.

A starmap covered with elaborate notations rotated at the front of the room. Leia stood next to it, clearly cut off mid-explanation by my entrance.

"I'm... I'm so sorry," I choked out, and spun to leave.

Leia's voice made me pause: "Rey, stop. Please stay. We're just about finished."

I shut the door and slunk to the back of the room, where I dropped into an empty seat. I cradled my head in my arms and tuned out the rest of the meeting. When was the last time I had felt so emotionally drained, so physically depleted? I shut my eyes and focused on simply not thinking at all.

Some time later, a hand gripped my shoulder. I looked up into Leia's kind eyes and breathed in the light floral scent of her soap.

"Rey, sweetheart. What happened?"

Luke and Finn stood on either side of her. Before I could reply, Finn took one look at my face and said, "It's Kylo Ren, isn't it?"

Leia's gaze darted to him in surprise. Finn shrugged and told her, "I found out about her mission right before you all went to Skunkt."

I bit my lip as a fresh spout of guilt gushed against my heart. It had only been a couple days since Finn had expressed his desire to be more than friends. The rift between us would only seal shut with time. I missed his easy, uncomplicated friendship and the warmth of his broad smile. In that instant, I wished he would crack a bad joke about Kylo, even if it was right in front of Luke and Leia, and make me laugh and feel better about the awful encounter on Jakku.

I inhaled a shaky breath, gathering just enough air to talk rather than burst into a fresh round of tears.

"I messed up. I failed my mission." I let out the story in a rushed babble: the bloody massacre in the Ramarode temple, retreating to my AT-AT on Jakku, and the conversation that had gone from bad to worse to disastrous.

Luke and Leia listened in weary silence as I described my terrible argument with Kylo. Leia's shoulders slumped and Luke tucked a supportive arm around her. They'd been through this with Ben, before Kylo Ren's rage had consumed him. It was exactly what Luke had warned Leia about months ago, when Leia had first pleaded with me to bring her son home.

Finn's face was pinched in tight disapproval. Even he had seen this coming. He'd been a target of Kylo Ren's wrath on Starkiller, and had countless stories about the dark enforcer's fiery temper. He'd warned me about the mission multiple times, and I'd held my head high and insisted I could handle it.

Rey, the orphan scavenger from Jakku, could handle a psychotic First Order warlord who also happened to be the grandson of Darth Vader.

I'd honestly  _believed_ that.

Over the past year, memories of Kylo's sharp temper and vile acts on Starkiller had faded, overwritten by Potentium, sunlit temples, stealing kisses in the shadows of Skunkt and holding hands from opposite ends of the galaxy. I was a fool for forgetting who – and what – I was dealing with.

I looked up at Luke and Leia. "I told Kylo that you'd known about our Potentium missions the whole time. He got  _so mad_."

I paused because I couldn't bear to reveal the devastating finale of our argument, when I'd slipped into the dark side and choked him. But in my hurry to skip over it, my words grew careless.

"Ren refused to abandon the Order and then left Jakku. I convinced him to take the disk, though I don't know if he'll watch it."

"What disk?" Leia asked. Her voice was kind despite the sudden sharpness in her eyes.

 _Shit._  For a panicked moment I wanted to cover up the blunder, but couldn't coax a convincing lie from my foggy and overworked brain. Like earlier with Ren, my best option was to tell the truth.

"Roony gave me a copy of Snoke's memory, the one he handed over as collateral for our meeting on Skunkt. That's how I learned about the Victive. I'm sorry for lying."

"You had a memory from Snoke," Leia repeated slowly, as if she had to say it out loud to believe it had happened. Luke and Finn looked equally shocked by my revelation. I fidgeted and felt my hackles rising under the combined intensity of their stares.

"A copy of one, yes."

"Rey, you…" Leia pinched her fingers to the bridge of her nose. "When I asked you about the memories, you said they had all been destroyed. Help me understand. You had the chance to hand over information about the First Order. And instead you  _gave it back to them?_ "

"I told you every detail of what I learned from the memory. It's all still here in my head. I couldn't forget it if I  _wanted_ to. I'm sorry I lied about where it came from, but that doesn't make the information worthless."

Leia must have briefed Finn on the information I'd shared with her, because he vigorously shook his head. "Can you describe the faces of every person who died? What town they were in? What planet they were on? The time of day, the time of year?"

I was silent.

Luke spoke for the first time: "It should have been submitted to Resistance intelligence for analysis."

Though his tone was softer than Finn's, the reprimand was clear. He'd agreed, at Leia's insistence, to let me help locate the memories on Skunkt. He'd even held off Kylo Ren to allow me time to track down Roony. He'd placed his trust in me, and I'd repaid his confidence with lies.

My tone grew heated: "I needed that memory to convince Kylo to leave the Order. If I didn't have proof that Snoke was using him, then I had nothing!"

Leia's face closed up as my motive to save her son became more clear. How many times had she been forced to choose between being a leader and a mother? On this point, at least, she wouldn't argue further with me.

Finn had no such qualms. "You chose to keep that memory to yourself so you could help one person. That disk could have helped save a lot of lives, Rey."

"Turning Kylo away from the First Order would have saved lives, too!"

" _Would have_ ," he repeated, poking an accusing finger at my chest. "But I don't see him standing here next to you."

"Finn, I think that's–" Leia started to cut in, but my words barreled right over hers.

"I tried as hard as I possibly could to convince him to leave. Don't you dare tell me that's not good enough."

"I just don't get why you'd choose to help him over your own allies! You're acting like you're sleeping with him."

My cheeks burned like they'd been pressed into Jakku's sun-scorched sand. "We haven't done anything like that!"

Finn's head jerked back as if I'd slapped him. "You haven't done anything like that," he repeated. "But you've done other stuff with him?"

My lip curled and I shot to my feet. I'd had  _enough_.

"How about using the dark side of the Force to choke him half to death? Does that count? Because that's what happened. I lost my temper. I lost control. Ren was almost unconscious by the time I stopped."

My confession echoed into stunned silence.

For a third and final time that day, all of my lies vanished. The truth covered me like a fragile and ragged spiderweb.

I met Luke's heavy, grave stare. "I'm done with the Force. I don't want to be a Jedi."

I looked at Leia and continued, "Reassign me. I'll be a mechanic and work with Cue'ar."

Finally, I turned to Finn. "I'll always love you as a friend. I understand if that's not good enough for you. But it doesn't give you the right to talk to me like I'm trash."

As I walked out of the room, an oppressive weight evaporated from my chest. I'd made the right decision to be honest with all three of them, no matter how harsh their reactions had been. Every inch of my body felt light and effervescent… everything, that is, except for my heart.

I'd left that behind on the meeting room floor.

 

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

_In the previous chapter: Rey tells Luke, Leia and Finn about her failure to turn Kylo Ren away from the Order. They're upset after learning that Rey gave Snoke's memory to Ren. Rey ends her Jedi apprenticeship and asks to be reassigned as a mechanic._

* * *

 

Kylo was dreaming again.

_Black sky, red earth._

Despite the barriers between our minds during the day, his dream leaked through the bond while we slept.

_Pounding steps, piercing screams._

It was always the same dream, repeated over and over again. It was impossible to break out of once I'd been dragged into it. I'd tried countless times over the past week.

_Billowing clouds of smoke. Blood-soaked ground. Blaster fire zipping past._

Ren dreamt of battle – or more specifically, slaughter.

An ocean of wretched humanity stretched away from him on all sides. Stormtroopers and Resistance soldiers fought each other with batons, blasters or even their own two fists. Ren cut straight through the masses, swinging at anyone who got in his way. He hacked tirelessly with his saber while he marched toward a horizon that never drew closer.

Sometimes Finn or Poe or Luke would appear among his opponents. Even General Hux and Phasma had showed up once. They were all cut down with no more effort or consideration than anyone else he encountered.

If he was searching for me in these dreams, he had yet to find me. I dreaded what would happen when he did.

After interminable hours had passed, this particular dream dissolved into a shroud of darkness. I woke up feeling as though I'd walked the length of Jakku's deserts. Staring at the jagged rock ceiling of my room, I wondered how much longer I could stand this. Would I always be bound to Ren's darkness? Would it always remind me of my own?

Yet no matter how much I wished to be free of his shadowed nightmares, they were also proof that Ren was still alive. I feared the morning where I woke up and realized I hadn't dreamed at all.

–

–

–

"What's the damage?" Cue asked one evening. She was leaning against the side of the battered transport I was working on, an oil rag in one hand.

I grunted as I wrestled with a rusty bolt on the engine casing. "The shield generator was trashed. It's going to need a complete re-build. You up for a late night?"

"Again? You patched three hyperdrives by yourself last week. Come eat with me and Poe. Do something normal."

"Working on machinery is perfectly normal for a scavenger."

I expected her to throw back a flippant comment, having grown accustomed to her wry sense of humor since we'd started working together. However, the only sounds were her boots squeaking as she shifted her weight. I extracted my arm from the depths of the engine block and peered up at her.

"Cue?"

She tilted her head and spoke with care. "I know we aren't close, Rey, and you don't want to talk about what happened… But whatever Kylo Ren did to upset you, please know that my allegiance is to you and the Resistance now, not him."

I stared, at a loss for words. I didn't often think about Cue's past on Skunkt, when she'd supplied parts for Kylo and his Knights.

"It's not that. I trust you, Cue, completely. I just–"

"Rey!" Fariya was striding through the hanger, her dark hair whipping past her shoulders. She stopped in front of us and unleashed her special brand of teenaged attitude. "Have you changed your mind yet? When are you coming back to lessons with me and Luke?"

Fariya hadn't taken the news about my reassignment very well –  _"Master Luke told me you're not his apprentice anymore. Is he battier than I thought?"_  – and ritually hounded me for updates.

"I'm not coming back, Fariya," I explained. "It wasn't the right path for me."

"But what about Ky–" Fariya glanced at Cue and amended, "I mean,  _you-know-who?_ "

I sighed. "You both know about Kylo Ren. You can talk about him. Just not in front of anyone else."

"We could talk about him all day," Fariya said, her hands stuck on her hips. "The problem is,  _you_ won't."

"We don't mean to pry. We're worried," Cue explained softly.

I looked at the two women in front of me. Cue stood as motionless as a statue, her unearthly eyes pulsing between neon blue and dim indigo. Next to her, Fariya bounced impatiently on her toes, eager to help whether or not I wanted her to.

 _Friends,_ my brain whispered. _They're your friends. You can let them in. You can trust them._

"Come with me," I said, heading to a dark section of the hanger where my courier ship was parked. Leia hadn't revoked my pilot rights even though I no longer used it for Potentium missions.

The three of us crammed into the cockpit, Cue in the co-pilot chair and Fariya scrunched against the bulkhead behind her. The Resistance officer working the control tower wished me a safe flight despite my unscheduled departure.

Silence coated the cockpit as we popped out of hyperspace into the night sky above Gryl, and it remained unbroken until we entered the Ramarode temple some time later. The carnage created by Snoke and the Victive was worse than I remembered. The murdered Grylix tribe lay rotting in the heat. Fariya covered her face with both hands, while Cue groped for a wall to steady herself.

"What ungodly horror took place here?" she murmured, her midnight skin now paled into ash gray.

"Was this… did Kylo Ren do this?" Fariya asked, her voice nasally as she plugged her nose with two fingers.

"No," I said. "This was Snoke. Kylo didn't know anything about it." I explained in broken sentences what had occurred on Jakku a week prior.

The temple – now a tomb – reeked of death that seared my eyes. My nose stung and tears threatened to spill down my cheeks. I blinked them away as best I could. I had to stay calm. I had to stay strong. I repeated this mantra until Fariya squeezed me into a crushing hug.

"I'm so sorry, Rey. You're so brave to handle something like this on your own."

Cue laid her hand on my temple. "The First Order murdered them. The Resistance will avenge them. Right now, we can honor them."

With that solemn promise, the three of us set to work. We found a few tarps used for collecting rainwater and used them to start transporting the Gryl's bodies to the sandy plain at the base of the village. Though I was no expert on Grylix customs, I knew that the tribe did not bury its dead. Instead, they laid them out in the open for the desert to slowly reclaim.

I lost count of the number of trips we made between the temple and the graveyard. Fariya used the Force to move a tarp on her own, while Cue and I carried the other by hand. After a few hours, our legs had gone numb and our spirits had sagged into the dust at our feet. I was about to suggest we take a break when I spotted lights overhead in the night sky. A small starship was descending toward our location. I almost choked from the way my heart jumped into my throat, but then I recognized the particular pattern of lights on the ship.

"It's a Resistance ship," I said. Was I the tiniest bit disappointed that it wasn't a sleek First Order command shuttle landing before us? That it wasn't Ren's tall form swathed in black emerging from inside?

The person who did step out of the ship made my heart lurch for a different reason altogether – it was Finn. His back was stiff and his hand cradled a blaster strapped to his side.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

He spotted Cue and Fariya next to me and his hand dropped away from his holster. He sheepishly dragged his fingers across his cropped hair. "I saw your departure on the flight log. I thought you were meeting  _him._ "

I drew back my shoulders and prepared for an ugly argument. Finn backed away and flared his fingers in a wide, placating gesture.

"No no no. Please don't be mad. I didn't come to start a fight. I wanted to make sure that you were…" He trailed off as his attention focused on the rows of bodies behind us, their small forms glowing in the moonlight.

Finn's eyes met mine again, but instead of alarm they were filled with the most earnest and tender concern that I'd ever seen. An entire conversation swept silently over our hearts, and I knew all was right between us when he said, "I'm so sorry, Rey. How can I help?"

Our strength renewed, the four of us carried the remains of the Grylix tribe out of the Ramarode temple and laid them out under the softening sky. The work was gruesome and bloody, especially when we realized we couldn't match up the heads that had been separated from their bodies. The disheartening thought threatened to make me give up entirely, until Finn touched my shoulder and said, "Nothing in life is perfect. Nothing in death has to be either."

Finally, with dawn edging across the horizon, we laid the Gryl's leader to rest alongside her tribe and arranged her hands across her heart. I offered a soft prayer we'd used on Jakku:  _May the sun strip your flesh, the sand bury your bones, and the winds lift your spirit._

As the sun rose over me, Finn, Cue and Fariya, I hoped with every last piece of my soul that it was a long, long time before I repeated that prayer.

–

–

–

Life settled into a dull rhythm. I passed through my days like a ghost, living in the twilight between one world and the next.

Skirmishes between the Resistance the First Order grew more frequent, and more intense. Ships would depart on risky missions and never return. Others would get towed into the hangar in shambles, with parts missing and the hull covered in scorch marks.

I threw myself into my new assignment as a mechanic. I liked the concrete nature of my tasks: something showed up broken, and by the end of the day it either worked or it didn't. It was better than nebulous, open-ended exercises with the Force. I was finally making a difference with the Resistance. It wasn't anything like tinkering with salvage on Jakku. I repeated this to myself often, hoping it would feel more convincing over time.

While the other mechanics were professional toward me, they were more frightened by my past than awed.  _A failed Jedi apprentice?_  they whispered.  _Was she not strong enough with the Force? Or was something more sinister wrong with her?_

The Force occasionally trembled against my skin, seeking attention like something sentient and neglected. I'd remember Ren's throat being crushed in my invisible grip and scrub at my flesh until the sensation subsided. Perhaps one day I'd trust myself enough to use my powers again, but the safest thing to do right now was ignore them.

The bond still dragged me into Ren's blood-soaked dreams, though not as often as before. He might have adapted to a different day-night cycle, which wasn't uncommon when living on a ship instead of planetside. However, I suspected he was avoiding sleep in much the same way he seemed to avoid the truth.

I replayed our final, awful argument in my AT-AT over and over, imagining what I could have said or done differently to change his mind. The what-if's, the I-should-have's, the if-only's – they all piled up in my head and threatened to crush my already meager self-esteem into a pile of dust. I had to let it go. Let  _him_ go. He'd turned his back on me like he had on his family.

And yet…

Memories of other times we'd spent together leaked into my thoughts constantly. Those first cautious, uneasy moments when we'd been stranded together in his ship on Gryl. Cooperating on Potentium missions, teaching me to swim in the Ramarode temple, talking through the bond from opposite ends of the galaxy. The moment he'd pressed me into a wall and kissed me senseless on Skunkt. Holding hands as we'd fallen asleep, the way he'd electrified my body with his phantom fingers through the Force bond.

Sometimes, I simply missed being near him. Although I'd escaped the burdens of Jedi training and my mission from Leia, along the way I'd also lost a friend.

–

–

–

_Black sky, red earth._

Ren stalked through the battlefield like a towering column of death, downing Resistance soldiers with every step.

_Pounding heart, pouring blood._

His gleaming red lightsaber flashed relentlessly against a smoking black sky. Poe and Finn succumbed to his blade. Luke Skywalker crumpled to the ground.

Ren apathetically lifted his saber to strike his next opponent. As the blade descended toward the figure, they turned to look up at him. Shock tore through me at the sight of my own tear-stricken face. Ren only had time to cry out –  _no, not her!_  – before his lightsaber vanished into my dream-twin's neck. Her head tumbled to the bloody ground.

A scream strangled my throat as Ren tore us both out of his nightmare. I bolted upright in bed. Ren's presence was like a thunderstorm in the back of my brain. The bond hummed between us, alive and electric after being suppressed for weeks. Our heartbeats crashed in unison as haggard intakes of air rattled down both our throats. For a long moment neither of us spoke.

'I wouldn't...' Ren stopped and I felt the pressure of his tongue running over chapped lips. 'I wouldn't do that to you.'

My eyes slipped closed and I didn't respond.

Ren shifted in my mind, agitated at my silence. 'I never feel you in the Force anymore.'

'I'm no longer Luke's apprentice.'

I expected Ren to react to my quiet confession with a smirking wave of satisfaction, or perhaps crow at my failure –  _you're no better than I was, scavenger._

What I didn't expect in the slightest was for him to slink out of my head, leaving behind only lingering regret and a deeply profound sense of shame.

–

–

–

"You still think about him, don't you?"

Finn's voice startled me out of my thoughts. We were relaxing in the officer's lounge on a rare quiet evening, watching a holovid about a family of tauntauns. Cue and Poe were sprawled on a couch, holding a conversation through murmured words and soft giggles.

Finn and I sat in two creaky armchairs that had likely been around since the Clone Wars. We had been on much better terms since he helped me bury the Grylix tribe – and also since I'd accidentally caught him making out with a maintenance worker late one night in a side corridor.

I started to protest, but Finn tilted his head and patiently raised an eyebrow.

I grimaced and shrugged instead. "I feel like I gave up on him. On a lot of things."

How many times on Jakku had I looked skyward and wished to be anywhere else – any _one_  else? That dream had come true yet here I was, turning my back on the Force and retreating into my old life as a scavenger.

"It's not always bad to abandon something," Finn said, no doubt thinking of the Order. "Especially if it makes you happier. Has it?"

I was silent.

Finn shook his head. "Find what makes you happy, Rey. And never let it go."

–

–

–

A week later, the dream changed.

Kylo and I stood in a dim chamber that I'd never seen before. The floor and walls were made of polished black stone. Snoke stood against the far wall, his hands loosely clasped behind his back. He was staring out a wide, rectangular viewport into a dark, sterile landscape lit by streams of lava.

I felt a trickle of resentment that Kylo was fighting to hide. Why was I so intimately nestled inside his thoughts this time? How did this dream seem so clear?

Snoke's rumbling voice filled the room like thunder. "The Resistance's meddling will be stopped. To kill a weed, you must pull it out by the roots."

Anxiety crept across the back of Ren's neck. It hit me then, the difference between this dream and the others I'd experienced. Unlike the way Ren marched across a never-ending battlefield or slaughtered the same enemies night after night, there was nothing imaginary about this scene. This was something that had happened – an actual conversation that had occurred between him and Snoke – and Kylo was reliving it while he slept.

Snoke turned away from the window and approached Kylo. His glittering eyes moved back and forth in his crushed skull, evaluating his Knight with a certain measure of contempt.

"Find the girl. Bring her to me."

The barest tremor ran through Ren's form.

Snoke lifted his chin in disapproval. "I have done all I can to rid you of that weakling boy," he spat. "You must be the one to cut out your heart and replace your blood with darkness. You have faced this trial before, my Knight of Ren. Do you lack the strength to overcome it now?"

Ren sank to one knee and spoke fervently. The words were garbled and strange as if Ren himself didn't remember what he'd said, and had simply let words pour out on instinct alone.

Whatever was said seemed to satisfy Snoke.

"Purge all memories of your past, Kylo Ren. There is nothing left for you there. Your absolution will only be granted through the power of my grace. Give me your faith, and your surrender shall manifest as strength. As our victory."

The room squeezed around Kylo as the dream moved him to another place – a different memory.

He was inside a smaller, monochrome room that was presumably his personal quarters. The emotions he'd suppressed in Snoke's presence flooded from his chest. He sat there silently and burned.

Everything had changed now that the Supreme Leader wanted Rey. He'd known that Leader Snoke would eventually give him this order. He'd had months to prepare for it. Why wasn't he stronger than this? Why did the thought of handing Rey over to his master make him sick to his stomach? He felt the boundaries of his allegiances crawling and shifting inside him, unsettled and ravenous for change.

Kylo's eyes flicked to a table on the opposite side of the room, where he'd left the memory disk after his return from Jakku. Its smooth surface had taunted him for weeks. Had refusing to watch it been a sign of strength or weakness?

He retrieved a holoplayer from a metal cabinet and stuck the memory disk inside the device. The disk clicked a few times as the device started to play the scene with Snoke, Daamith and the Victive. Ren sat still, unmoved by the horrific slaughter unfolding before him, though he stiffened as General Hux entered the holoprojection.

"Your most successful test yet, I assume?" the General drawled, his voice grating through the speakers. "Considering this apprentice was the first to live through it."

"Only the strongest minds can survive the price the Victive demands," Snoke's voice replied. "Its power will render the Order unstoppable once Lord Ren takes Daamith's place. Together, he and I shall gut the Resistance and smear their entrails through the galaxy."

Ren dropped the holoplayer on the floor and strode across his chambers to a narrow door. Inside was a smaller room with just two pieces of furniture: a low bench placed in front of a short pillar. And on top of the pillar… my blood went cold at the hideous sight of Darth Vader's grotesquely melted helmet.

Ren knelt in front of the Sith artifact. He breathed rapidly through his nose. His skin was bleached white where his fingers clenched against the floor. Though his body was still, his mind was a mess. I'd predicted that he'd be angry after watching the memory, but he was  _scared_ and there was nothing predictable about that.

_The memory proved nothing besides Supreme Leader concealing his plans with the Victive. He intended for both of them to use its power to destroy the Resistance and the Jedi._

His father's final warning swirled through his head:  _Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you._

_Impossible. Leader Snoke had been his teacher, his mentor, for years. Their goals were aligned. Snoke had given him purpose, refined him into the deadliest of weapons, and in turn, had earned his lifelong devotion._

My own words cut through his thoughts:  _It's easier to stay with the Order and swallow Snoke's lies than face the truth. Snoke wants to kill you, and you'd let him do it._

But if Snoke had been using him all this time, that meant Ren was faced with something that terrified him beyond words: that he was  _wrong_. That the black-hearted deeds Snoke had talked him into committing were evil. That he was a monster, rotten to the core.

The thought hit him like a slug to the gut and he surged to his feet.

"I was meant to succeed where you failed!" he bellowed at his grandfather's mask. "I've ruined myself by following your path."

Ren pulled his lightsaber free from his belt and unleashed an uncontrolled barrage of fury against the walls of the mediation room. He pummeled the blade against the bare metal over and over again, until the walls bled molten gold from jagged, crisscrossed rips. Scraps of twisted durasteel littered the floor. The room flickered and shook around the edges, as if Ren's fury made the walls tremble and shift.

Ren turned to face the pillar in the center of the room, the only thing left untouched by his violent frenzy. The saber's unstable red blade crackled against the cool, dark air of his meditation room.

With an abrupt, ferocious cry, Ren whipped his lightsaber high over his head and brought it straight down on Vader's helmet. But instead of parting the helmet effortlessly, the serrated blade dragged through the fused metal like a dull knife through clay.

Incredulous, Ren strained to push the blade the rest of the way through material that should have offered no resistance whatsoever. This Sith artifact was more than a lump of metal: it embodied the Force powers of one of the strongest darksiders to ever live. It held Vader's oppression and twisted hatred compressed into physical form.

Ren's growl escalated into an all-out roar as he fought to cleave the helmet in half. It was like watching a gory, barbaric execution. His lightsaber spat and vibrated as it sank through the helmet inch by inch. The metal bubbled and melted where it touched the plasma blade. Sparks vaulted into the air and sizzled against the floor. Black smoke billowed from the helmet like blood into water, hissing and sinuously curling through the air. It flashed red and dissolved into the floor.

Finally, Ren's lightsaber cut through the last thin tendon of metal joining the two halves. There was a crackling explosion that sent his saber flying. The room filled with a desperate, bloodcurdling wail, as if Vader's pain and sorrow and regret bottled up over a lifetime was released in a single heartrending torrent.

Ren stared in disbelief at the sundered pieces of his grandfather's helmet. Next to it lay the smoking remains of his lightsaber. The hilt was melted and misshapen beyond repair. The kyber crystal was completely shattered.

Ren's hands shook. Darth Vader was still stronger than him, even decades after his death.

Ren sank to his knees in the ruined chamber. The anger that Snoke had carefully curated in him for years had finally burned out. He had nothing left – no fear, no rage, no shame – only a strange, numbing, desolate calm.

For months I'd worried that Kylo harbored nothing in his soul but sunless shadows. That the core of his being was so dark and decayed and rotten that it was simply impossible for light to exist there.

Now, with the wrath of the dark side stripped away, I looked straight into his heart and saw the one thing he refused to give up: a tiny, hidden ember of hope. Hope that he could still save himself. Hope that he could one day  _forgive_ himself. Hope that a future existed where he hadn't lost me and his family forever.

Ren had never fully suppressed his natural revulsion toward the cruelty that Snoke demanded of him. Despite his spiraling descent into darkness –  _madness_ – and years of committing atrocities in the name of his master, Ren had not given up his battle against the dark side.

I realized, with bone-chilling clarity, that  _I had._

That moment on Jakku when I'd used the dark side had scared me, to be sure, but instead of holding my ground I'd fled like a coward. I'd let the result of a single fight dictate the outcome of an entire war. However, there were still more wars to come – against the First Order, Kylo's darkness, and my own inner demons. I couldn't give up and run away from this moment.

Abandoning Kylo and the Force hadn't solved my problems. I knew what I had to do.

The bond trembled as I pulled it closer, reaching out to the weary mind on the other end.

' _Kylo.'_

 

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

_In the previous chapter: Rey and Kylo Ren do their best to stay out of each other's heads, but their minds overlap at night. Rey sees Kylo struggling with his allegiance to Snoke after he watches the memory and destroys Darth Vader's helmet in a fit of rage. She realizes that abandoning Kylo and the Force hasn't solved anything, and reaches out to him through their bond._

* * *

 

Kylo lashed out like a wounded animal when he heard his name. His power closed around my throat and he pulled hard. My body pitched forward and sailed weightless through pure darkness. Suddenly I was  _there_ with him, in a surreal space created entirely by the Force, his face looming above mine in the shadows and his hand encircling my neck.

Kylo's eyes were wide and unseeing, still twisted in the remnants of the nightmare I'd just witnessed. His pupils rapidly flicked back and forth as if he were staring at multiple people inhabiting the same space. I repeated his name until his eyes focused wholly on mine and sharpened in recognition. As fast as his anger had surfaced, it was gone, leaving behind only a calculated wariness in the sharp lines of his face as he regarded me. His hand fell from my throat.

The Force bond hummed between us, raw and wide and open. The power we'd used to smother and conceal our connection from each other was long gone. He knew without asking that I'd seen him learning of Snoke's deceit from watching the memory disk, as well as the disastrous fallout from cleaving his grandfather's helmet in half.

'Rey.' His voice was barely more than a mumble. 'Why are you here?'

I didn't have an answer – at least, not one that I was brave enough to voice out loud. Instead, my eyelids fluttered as I reached into memories of my past, hunting for the particular image that had served as a catalyst for everything between us.

Using a gentle sweep of power, I pushed the map of Ahch-To into Kylo's mind.

His eyes briefly unfocused and then his gaze hooked into mine.

'Why…?'

'You're so lonely. So afraid to leave.' My voice slid through the air, low and sibilant. Kylo's mouth twitched as he recognized the words I now returned to him. I envisioned Ahch-To's rolling waves and soft tendrils of fog draped across moss-covered stone. 'Meet me there. Just to talk.'

A long, quiet moment gave way to a tiny nod and his whispered 'okay'.

–

–

–

Kylo's menacing shuttle was already parked at the base of the island when I arrived. Part of me itched to check that he'd disabled his deep space antenna so the Order couldn't follow him here. There was no use trusting him in bits and pieces, however, so I took a deep breath and turned toward the weathered stone staircase that led deeper into the island.

The sky was poised between night and dawn, illuminated by both starlight and sunlight. My legs carried me upward with sure, even-footed steps. I passed through clouds of sea mist and silky, damp fog. My pack was looped over one shoulder, the same one I'd bought to hold Kylo's helmet on Skunkt. I gripped the strap for reassurance as Luke's last words to me swirled through my thoughts.

He'd been waiting for me in the hanger, seated on the concrete floor in front of my ship. His hands rested on his knees, fingers loosely curled inward. An orb of Force light circled his head, illuminating his peaceful expression as he meditated.

"It's convenient that my sister never revoked your pilot rights to this ship," he said with his eyes still closed.

"I'm coming back."

"No, you're leaving," he corrected. "For him."

It hurt to know how this looked – running off in the dead of night to meet someone I had such an illicit relationship with. Someone I couldn't leave behind despite the pain he'd personally brought to me and so many others in the Resistance.

"I never deserved the chance to be your apprentice," I told Luke, wondering if it was the most wretched apology I'd ever offered in my life.

"Oh, Rey." His eyes opened and he regarded me with a strange mixture of sorrow and affection. "At times I've had doubts, but in truth, they were in my own abilities as your teacher. For you to care about Kylo Ren, especially with no attachment to who he was as Ben Solo, speaks immeasurably about your strength. The Jedi I have known would respect that.  _I_  respect that."

I ducked my head to blink away the tears prickling in the corners of my eyes. "In that case, may I ask for one last favor?"

A little while later I turned to enter my ship, my pack heavier than when I'd first entered the hanger. Luke's hand settled on my shoulder and I was caught off guard by his smile – warm and hopeful and genuine.

"You would have made a fine Jedi, Rey."

–

–

–

Ren stood at the edge of the highest cliff on Ahch-To, not far from the spot where I'd first met Luke. The clearing was draped in a blanket of fog, like someone had laid it down and left it there. The breeze wound through my unbound hair and pressed the bitter taste of saltwater against my lips. I crossed the dim clearing to join Kylo.

We stood together in silence, alone in the fog on top of the world. The ocean rippled far below. Slate gray waves pressed forward to merge with the sky where the first pale colors of dawn were smudged up over the horizon.

Ren was unmasked. Shadows collected in the grooves of his heavy frown, and fatigue had carved shadows under his eyes.

"I can't go on like this, Rey." His voice was haunted, pained. "I can't eat. I haven't slept."

"How does this end, Kylo? What do you want?"

"To be happy. With you." He glanced at me, then turned back to the horizon. "Not that I deserve it. Perhaps I would have had a chance with you if I were still Ben Solo."

I swallowed hard, gazing at the profile of a man who'd sacrificed his identity – his humanity – in his desperation to prove himself.

"Ben Solo wasn't the one who worked with me on Potentium. Ben Solo didn't help me free Cue'ar from slavery on Skunkt. Ben Solo didn't kiss me." My breath hitched and I swallowed hard over the knot of emotion in my throat. "It was you, the person you are right now. And I'm not giving up on him."

"You're the only one who hasn't."

In response, I reached into the satchel at my side, fingers shivering with nerves as they brushed the item Luke had given me before I left the Resistance behind. I pulled Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber from my pack and held it out to Kylo. His face contorted with anguish, as if the sight of the lightsaber inflicted physical pain.

My entire body trembled in the long silence that followed – waiting, fearing, hoping for the moment where Kylo would reach out to take the saber and embrace a truth he'd been running from for too long.

He didn't.

To my astonishment, he sank to his knees, buried his face in his bare palm and let out a low, strangled cry of anguish. Light glinted off a silvery tear as it slid across his jaw.

"I can't, Rey. I'm not worthy."

My heart was shaky in my chest, like flying a ship with no stabilizers. I crouched and gently laid the saber on the moss between us.

"You may not think so right now. But I believe that one day you will be, because you'll have the strength to forgive yourself for everything you've done."

I pressed my shaking hands to either side of his face and drew his mouth forward to meet mine. He kissed me back – soft, slow lips speaking of loneliness and the need to be loved without reserve or restraint.

A flickering glow curled through our bond as our kiss deepened. Kylo's hands moved over my skin like a soft dream, touching me with reverence as our minds slowly began to intertwine through the Force.

He pulled away from my lips and pressed his forehead against mine. He breathed deeply, drawing in my scent and possibly my very essence through the Force.

"There are not enough words in the galaxy to describe the way I feel about you," he told me, his voice low and earnest.

"I don't want you to use words."

Kylo's eyes darkened in pure lust and he kissed me again, harder this time. He stripped off his tattered cloak and enormous black greatcoat and solemnly laid them on the dew-anointed moss. We sat on them, cushioned against the rocks underneath, and took turns undressing each other. Kylo delighted in pulling my thin shirt over my shoulders and tugging off my pants. In return, I removed his black garb piece by piece, stripping off the clothes he had layered like armor.

Finally, our bodies were completely bare to each other. Kylo laid back and pulled me astride his hips. He was gloriously male, muscles rippling with every motion while his stiff manhood proudly jutted upward between us. My nipples were pebbled and hard at the cusp of my breasts, my nether regions covered in trimmed, dark hair. I felt more feminine and womanly and desired than I ever had in my entire life.

I was also scared out of my mind.

"I don't want you to think you've won," I said, leaning over to trace the ridges of muscle along his chest. "That you have power over me if we do this."

Ren's strong hands flexed on my thighs. His smile was crooked. "If you really think that, then you don't know how much power you already have over me."

His hand caught the nape of my neck and pulled me down for a passionate, deep kiss. Hunger pulsed low in my belly while slickness formed between my legs. The world grew hazy as we gave in to this attraction that had simmered between us for so long; a temptation we couldn't deny a moment longer.

He rolled me onto my back and sent me a half-formed question about protection through our bond. I shared the memory of a medi droid giving me an off-the-books contraceptive shot a few months prior.

Our hands moved without restraint, spreading pleasure in their wake. The bond drew us closer with every kiss, taste, touch and gasp. Pressure and heat built in my core as Kylo settled his hips fully against mine. He shifted his weight and with one long, slick thrust he was completely inside me.

A pinch flared at the crux of my legs as he claimed my innocence, but then he started to  _move_  and my eyes nearly rolled back in my head. Following instinct, my knees tightened against him and the heat in my core burned hotter and brighter with every slow, measured thrust.

We settled into a primordial rhythm, the bond radiant between us as we joined our minds and bodies in the most intimate way imaginable. We'd fooled around once before through the Force, but this time there was so much more that the bond alone hadn't been able to convey – the slick sheen of sweat on Ren's skin, his breath wet and heavy against my neck, my shoulder starting to throb from where his teeth had bit down on a particularly hard thrust. I groaned in nearly feral pleasure as Kylo's hips rolled against me. His breathing became ragged and uneven as we chased the promise of bliss across each other's skin.

As we moved together, my mind expanded to embrace everything around me connected to the Force. Its energy surged against us in a phantom caress, stronger than anything I'd ever felt before. I felt blood pounding through our flesh, the warmth of dawn enveloping the air. Gravity pulling me down to the earth as I floated closer to the sky. The planet rotating underneath me as it tipped forward to meet the sun. In that instant, connected with this well of ancient power, I understood why the Jedi had built their temple here in their efforts to understand the mysteries of the Force.

Warmth seeped into my body like I'd been submerged in a hot bath. Seconds later my orgasm exploded like a lightning bolt between my legs. Perfect rapture overtook my mind and body. For a single, timeless moment, there was no distinction between me, Kylo and the Force – there was only  _us_ , united, celebrating the bliss of love and living.

Then the sun erupted over the horizon and all of nature bowed in reverence to its splendor. Ren's own climax came moments later, and he gasped my name and shuddered into my shoulder. I clung to him as our hearts touched and our shared climaxes spiraled together, drawing on every possible sensation of pleasure we knew – a warm blanket sliding over cool skin, a meal filling my stomach, a hug when it helped, silence when it was wanted, a kiss when it was needed –

The sensations faded as I floated back into my skin. A few last shudders of satisfaction swept over me and Kylo, and we laid there – calm, peaceful, happy – while the world hummed in contentment around us.

"I didn't know it would be… like that," I said, still inarticulate from the intensity of what we'd just done.

Kylo kissed my temple and wrapped me up in the cozy warmth of his arms. "I didn't know either. I should've tried a lot harder to talk you into that hotel room on Skunkt."

We dozed in and out of sleep for a few soft, quiet hours as dawn passed into morning. The fog lifted and transformed into rolling clouds, and patches of sun and shade mingled on our bodies.

Kylo's roaming hands eventually led to a resurgence of passion. He coaxed us into a second, more languid peak. As he came he groaned words I couldn't interpret, but his emotions through the bond were ardent and primal and I understood that just fine.

Some time later, when both of us were awake once more, Kylo picked up the metallic lightsaber at his side. "I'm sorry for my behavior toward you on Jakku," he said to me, turning the hilt so it reflected the morning sun. "I shouldn't have acted that way. I know I upset you."

"It's okay," I said after a moment's pause. "I said terrible things to you, too. I wasn't honest with you about Potentium or your family."

Kylo smiled at me, and fragile hope bloomed in my chest as a possible future unfolded before us. I thought of all the reasons I should have given up on him, and the fact that I hadn't. My promise to Leia to bring her son home. But most of all, I realized how far Kylo Ren had climbed into my heart, and how I'd never be able to give away the space he now occupied.

I opened my mouth to tell him how much he meant to me, but blinked when the island went from morning to night in an instant. A Star Destroyer hung above us, and a chill descended over the island from the sudden shade. A swarm of shuttles and TIE Fighters dropped out from the hull. Dread punched its way into my stomach.

Kylo Ren stared mournfully overhead. "We're fucked."

 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

_In the previous chapter: Rey and Kylo meet on Ahch-To and finally settle their differences. Then the First Order finds them._

* * *

 

The next thing I knew, Kylo and I were seated across from each other in a small, dim cell. Our hands were shackled to the wall next to our heads, wrists immobilized inside stun cuffs bolted into the durasteel plates. Sinister red light emanated from a single panel mounted over the door. We were dressed in thin black robes and being held captive on a ship, judging by the stale air and an engine droning in the distance.

My tongue felt heavy and thick, and my head lolled to one side as if I were drunk. I looked across the room at Kylo, who was blinking like he’d regained consciousness at the exact same time as me. What had happened to us?

The door opened to reveal Snoke’s looming form. He slid into the room like a spectre. The red light overhead illuminated the protruding bones of his face, casting shadows into his eye sockets and the hole in his sunken cheek. His visage was a skeletal nightmare.

I tried to speak, forcing words past my swollen tongue and numb lips, but my brain was still shaking off the artificial unconsciousness in which Snoke had kept us confined.

Snoke pulled an object from the folds of his robe, and fear squeezed my heart as he placed the Victive between myself and Kylo. The dark artifact held itself suspended a few feet off the floor, motionless except for sinuous patterns spreading across its surface like oil in water.

“Master of the Knights of Ren,” Snoke said to Kylo in a deceptively gentle tone. “How you disappoint me. Much like Lord Vader succumbed to the call of the light, you have strayed from the enlightenment of my teachings. But you might yet be saved. Perhaps you only need additional… guidance.”

Snoke twitched his fingertips. The slight motion was enough to make Kylo gasp and double over like he’d been punched in the stomach. He strained to breathe, his face going red as the Supreme Leader continued to torture him with the Force.

I was dimly aware of screams, which must have been mine because Kylo could only make hoarse gasps while Snoke’s lips were pressed tightly together in a vindictive smile. A heartbeat later, the torment ended. Ren was hunched over, his chest heaving. Snoke clutched Kylo’s chin in a bony, emaciated hand and wrenched his head upward.

“Your only salvation lies in the embrace of the dark side. It can give you everything you desire. Including her,” he said, turning Kylo’s head so he was forced to look at me. “Imagine her by your side. A twin to your power, a mirror of your own darkness.”

Snoke pinched Kylo’s chin tighter. “I am willing to overlook your failures this one last time. Vow to serve me and none other. Carry out my will in the name of the First Order as your grandfather did for the Emperor.”

Kylo struggled against the Supreme Leader’s grip and his twisted, crooning promises. He had willingly lived as this creature’s slave for most of his adult life. I knew that part of him yearned to give in – to end the pain and doubt and return to the familiar, simple role of being a servant to this powerfully cruel being.

Kylo spoke in a voice as soft and lifeless as ash. “I will follow in Vader’s footsteps. I will make the same choices he did.” But when he lifted his head and met Snoke’s gaze, resolve burned in his eyes. “Including the choice to destroy his master to save the ones he loves.”

My heart soared with pride.

Snoke’s lips curled in a sneer, and he tutted with contempt as he threw Ren’s head to the side. “Then your final choice, my failed apprentice, is to decide which of you dies first. Make sure you consider that the other will be forced to watch.”

My hatred for this evil creature finally burned off my sluggish mental fog. “You’re sick,” I spat. "I scavenged through trash for years and you're still the most horrible, vile thing I've ever seen in my life."

With three quick, aggressive steps Snoke turned, crossed the room and slapped me hard. My cheek went numb, then started to sting and burn as blood trickled back into the skin. Tears sprang into my eyes at the unexpected pain.

“Though I know many secrets of the Force,” he growled, “there is one thing that shall always remain a mystery. And that is why the Force chose to manifest so strongly in such an undeserving child.”

He raised his ancient, cadaverous hands toward my head.

I reached for the Force without hesitation. I’d been wary of its powers ever since my breach into the dark side, when I’d Force-choked Ren on Jakku. But this fight could not be won with words or lightsabers, so I’d have to trust my instincts – and more importantly, trust _myself_.  Light flowed to my fingertips, and my hands flexed as I wove thick bands of energy around my body like plate armor to ward off the coming attack.

“Rey, no!” Kylo shouted.

I realized my mistake too late. Snoke wasn’t attacking me with the Force. Instead, with inhuman speed he released my left wrist from its cuff and plunged my arm elbow-deep into the Victive’s seething, viscous mass.

Experience told me that it was impossible to fall when I was seated with an arm still locked to the wall. But the jolt my body made when it connected to the Victive suggested a different kind of truth.

I felt like I was plummeting head first to the floor even though I knew I wasn’t moving at all. The dark artifact latched onto my power and made a low, rumbling sound like an ancient machine groaning to life. It unravelled the beams of light I had fashioned as armor, stripping the power from my control with unnatural ease, and greedily sucked the light into its core.

I backpedaled and tried to cut off my connection to the Force, releasing the rest of my power into the web and shoving it away from me completely. Snoke sensed the shift in energy and curled his fingers. Blinding pain erupted from my eyeballs like they were being boiled in their sockets. The pain was so unforgivably agonizing that I couldn’t help but scream and claw all the Force power toward me again, seeking any way to protect myself from the onslaught. Yet the moment the light reached my fingertips, the Victive snatched it away and added it to its growing reserve of power.

Kylo Ren’s panic sparked through our bond, and I glimpsed his arm vanishing into the opposite side of the spherical Victive. One of Snoke’s hands was trained on me, the other on Kylo. With his arms spread, he resembled the conductor of a vicious symphony, and we were nothing more than his instruments for the Force.

The room went blurry and my head began to throb as the Victive drained our power. Rivulets of sweat seeped into my eyes. I hunched my shoulders toward my ears, trying to pull my arm out of the Victive and curl up in a defensive ball. My muscles seized and ached from the strain.

Snoke swung his arms toward the Victive and darkness bloomed around his hands. The artifact emitted a high-pitched whine as he assimilated the Force power it now contained – the power it had reaped from us with single-minded gluttony.

A moment later, Snoke and the Victive vanished from the cell with a booming clap of thunder that made the room shudder around us. Pain exploded from the base of my skull like I’d been struck with a club. The inside of my head went numb. I couldn’t feel Snoke, the Victive, or my bond with Kylo. Most terrifying of all, I couldn’t feel the Force. When I reached for it, my mind passed through empty air.

A chunk of metal peeled away from the wall of the cell and vanished. I thought I was delirious when I saw several more pieces flake off the ceiling. Glittering stars peeked through the holes left behind.

The numbness had escalated into pressure that threatened to crush my brain out through my ears. Despite the pain, I managed to unlock my lone wrist still cuffed to the wall. I rushed to Kylo, fingers flying over the metal restraint still binding him to the wall. The instant both hands were freed, he swept me into a crushing hug that lifted me off my feet.

“Are you alright?” he asked, his face buried in my hair.

“The Force… our bond. I can’t feel them.”

“Snoke blocked us from the Force. I’ve never seen anything control this much power.” Kylo pulled away from our embrace and gestured to the room around us.

The walls were pockmarked with holes, and a chill went up my spine as I realized I could see stars no matter which direction I looked. If we were being held captive deep inside a Star Destroyer, how could this room be surrounded by open space on all sides?

The skeletal remains of the ceiling and walls lurched and then fell away with a shrieking crash. Kylo and I huddled together on a platform floating in the middle of black space. In the distance, pinpoints of light steadily grew larger, drawn by a terrible mass of power vibrating underneath us.

“It’s too much power in one place,” I breathed in horror.

The massive, concentrated amount of energy was warping reality around us. The Force had dragged our minds underwater and submerged us in this surreal starscape. The approaching lights grew into fiery clusters of stars, though they weren’t actual celestial bodies but masses of condensed Force power.

A group of stars shot past our platform, which rumbled and shook precariously under our feet. While the galaxy around us was an illusion brought to life by the Force, Kylo and I were still in very real danger.

Trails of light streamed in the stars’ wake as they spiraled down toward something I couldn’t see – something I didn’t _want_ to see. I chanced a look over the edge and almost wept in fright. We were suspended over a nightmare.

Snoke and the Victive were at the bottom of a gravity well so immense and powerful that it reverberated throughout the Force web for miles in every direction. The stars roaring past drowned out all sound except for a persistent guttural rumbling. It rattled my heart in my chest and resonated into the very core of my being.

Far below, the Victive had grown to a massive size. It seethed like a swollen, blistering black sun. Stars smashed into it from all sides, but they vanished under its murky surface with only a brief flare of light to mark their passing. Snoke floated a safe distance away, his own body enlarged and monstrous. His pale skin had turned pitch black. A halo of blinding light outlined his form.

Between the torture and fear, I hadn’t stopped to wonder what Snoke was actually planning to _do_ with all of the Force power he’d torn away from us. He raised his hands, still hanging in the very nexus of a storm of raging energy, and twisted his palms outward in a deliberate command.

A chorus of panicked screams rose in the distance, followed by the staccato percussion of blasters being fired. Fear shrieked through my veins. Snoke was seizing control of the Resistance soldiers – the same mind trick he’d used to massacre the Grylix tribe and the people in the marketplace.

I heard some of the soldiers shouting as they resisted, but others were too tired, weak, or demoralized to shake out of the Supreme Leader's clutches. Comrades turned blasters on each other while the base erupted in turmoil. “ _Fight it! Fight it!_ ” Luke Skywalker’s voice echoed.

I turned to Kylo, but he was looking overhead and my blood ran cold at the expression of fear on his face. A falling star was roaring straight toward our platform. I only had time to fling up my hands before the star crashed down all around us. Bright white filled my vision and I pinched my eyes closed.

Yet the impact ground to a halt, as if time itself didn’t know who wrote the rules when it came to itself and the higher powers of the universe. The roaring subsided. I peeked out through my hands and looked around in awe. We were _inside_ the star – cocooned by pure Force energy on all sides. Besides the mangled platform under our feet, empty white space stretched away in all directions to an invisible horizon.

I blinked back hopeless tears. I was blocked from the Force, stuck on this platform in the center of a dying star, and I didn’t even know where the hell in time and space I currently existed.

“Knuckle up, you two! It’s not over yet!”

My heart leapt into my throat as I spun around. It should have been impossible, yet… Han Solo stood in front of us, a familiar, good-natured scowl twisting his mouth as he stuck his hands on his hips.

He had slipped through the boundaries between life and death to appear like a mirage in this surreal reality. One look at Kylo’s face nearly broke my heart. I yearned to say something to ease the tension between them, but the apologies weren’t mine to give.

Han’s scowl softened into a hesitant smile. “Yes, it’s really me. Don’t worry, kid. I’m not coming back to haunt you.”

“I didn’t – I shouldn’t have –” Kylo cut himself off and swallowed hard, his eyes bright with tears. “I was wrong, about everything.”

“I know. I still love you, Ben.” Han gestured to the empty space around us. “I’m glad I get to see you both one last time through whatever mystical Force mumbo-jumbo this is.”

Leia’s teasing voice spoke from behind us: “You never did trust the Force.”

I knew it was madness, seeing her and Han standing there next to Kylo. But I was wholly willing to lose myself to insanity at the sight of Leia’s face lighting up in a broad, fond smile as her family was reunited at last.

A terrible thought struck me. “Leia, you didn’t… Are you…?”

“No, I’m not dead.” Her smile faded slightly as worry crept back into her eyes. “Luke helped me get here. Wherever _here_ is. I had to see you all together one last time.”

The four of us stared at each other, words insignificant against the monumental joy of sharing each other's presence, and the painful knowledge that it would never happen again.

Han shuffled his feet, uncomfortable with the mountain of silence. “Not that I don’t appreciate our time together, but the three of you are going to join me permanently if we don’t do something about that jerk.” He pointed to the monster lurking under our feet.

Leia slipped into her role as General of the Resistance. “This artifact that you warned us about, Rey. Snoke used it to turn half of our soldiers and pilots against each other. Luke is protecting as many people as he can, but he can’t hold out against Snoke much longer.”

“You guys can handle him,” Han said, practically scoffing at us. “You just have to work together.”

Leia nodded. “Han is right. There’s enough power here to wipe out an army. Can you turn it against Snoke?”

“No. He blocked us from the Force,” Kylo said bitterly in his rumbling voice.

“Nonsense,” Leia replied. “You wouldn’t be here now if that were true. Your connection to the Force is the only thing that could have brought you to this place.”

“He must’ve used a mind trick on us,” I said, eyes locked on Kylo as realization dawned. “He made us think we were powerless.”

“Have I mentioned how much I hate that creep?” Han grumbled. “Look, bad guys always have a weakness. Luke took down the whole Death Star with a torpedo. You gotta hit him where he’s not looking.”

My mind raced back to Snoke’s memory, where I’d first seen him interact with the Victive, and our encounter just now in the cell. Something had been nagging me… something that Snoke had done – or rather, _hadn’t_ done.

Then it hit me: “Snoke never touches the Victive. If he did, I think it would overpower him.”

“It would destroy him. It’s our best chance,” Kylo agreed, his shoulders stiff. It was no doubt odd to suddenly be allied with the Resistance and his parents.

Han clapped Kylo on the shoulder. “Give’em hell, son.”

Leia broke down at the gesture, rushing forward and sweeping the four of us together in a tight embrace. My arms rose and encircled Han’s shoulders to my left, and Leia’s to my right. Our foreheads all knocked together and I inhaled the scents of skin and soap and sweat from three people I cared about more than anything in the world.

It was the first hug I’d ever had with a family, _my_ family. I wished it could last forever, to make up for the lifetime of hugs I’d missed.

“Be safe,” Leia whispered. “I love you all.”

Time suddenly snapped like a rubber band. The empty, white space blinked out of existence. Han and Leia vanished, their spirits torn away from our temporary haven. Kylo and I were alone once more in the midst of the storm. The dull roar of stars being pulled to their death flooded my senses, but something else familiar and treasured beyond words came with it: the familiar tingle of Force energy humming along my skin like electricity. I was no longer blocked from using my powers, and felt a glimmer of pride at this victory over Snoke.

Before I could react, the falling star smashed apart the platform where we stood. I fell to my knees on the remaining scrap of the platform, while Kylo… Kylo just fell.

A panicked scream erupted from my throat as I scrambled forward, only to find him clutching the edge of the platform with both hands, his body dangling in the wind of the storm.

I knelt down and reached out my hand, but he shook his head.

“I have to go down there,” he said, yelling over the roaring and rumbling of reality falling apart around us. “I’m going to push Snoke into the Victive.”

“Kylo, you can’t…” I said in a choked sob.

“Stay here and use your power to reinforce my shields. Just like we did with Potentium, okay? Promise me you won’t follow.”

The brittle determination in his eyes softened at my miserable expression.

“Rey, I love you. You saved my life. I’m coming back for you.”

And then he let go.

Kylo plummeted through the storm, currents of power buffeting his body as he raced the stars to the bottom of the gravity well. He twisted forward into a graceful dive, palms flattened together and fingers pointed toward Snoke.

As I watched him fall, my chest ached as if my heart had burst out through my ribcage and plunged off the ledge after him. In that moment, I despaired that I’d never see him again.

Leia’s voice echoed in my head from a great distance: _“Don’t give up! Keep fighting!”_ I knew she was talking to the troops at the Resistance base, but her message of courage reached me across the fabric of time and space. I stood and took a deep breath. Giving up simply wasn’t an option.

I tore energy from the Force web, scraping it close using an unwieldy mixture of Jedi techniques, tricks I’d learned through Potentium and blatantly raw fear. The sudden surplus of energy overflowed from my mind and spilled through my veins. My skin seared with pain from the inside, as if the blood pumping through my skin was either white hot or deathly cold.

Without delay I directed the power down, speeding it along so it caught up with Kylo as he fell. It wrapped skin-tight around his form, layering on top of his own shields so his body shone in a mottled mixture of gray and gold.

Kylo was almost in range of Snoke, whose eyes lit up in maniacal glee at the sight of his former apprentice falling toward him. The ancient creature’s body had grown to monstrous proportions. His black skin blended into the ocean of dark power that surrounded him. The Victive was suspended in front of him at waist level.

The Supreme Leader stretched his mammoth hand toward Kylo, eager to snatch him out of the air. Kylo aimed straight for the oversized hand, planning to use his momentum to propel it down into the Victive.

Realization clicked in Snoke’s eyes, and with inhuman speed he whipped his arm back a fraction of a second before Kylo would have reached it. Unable to stop, or even slow himself down, Kylo plummeted straight through the surface of the Victive. The oily surface swallowed him with barely a ripple.

Snoke opened his cavernous mouth and laughed, his black lips peeling back from bloodless gums as his entire body shook with frenzied glee.

I stood there in stunned silence. Kylo couldn’t be gone, his life snuffed out in the blink of an eye. I reached into the back of my mind, the place where the bond had always manifested most strongly, and nearly wept in relief. The glittering, golden trail was faint, but the bond was still there. Kylo was still alive.

I leaned cautiously over the edge, studying the roiling surface of the spherical artifact. As I watched, the Victive trembled and shifted ever so slightly in Snoke’s direction. A second later the artifact shook a second time, lurching closer to Snoke. Kylo was somehow moving the Victive’s incredible mass forward from the inside.

I had to prevent Snoke from realizing what was happening, but my own reserve of power wouldn't be enough. I looked around and realized I was surrounded by weapons on all sides: the falling stars that were actually compact bundles of pure Force energy, summoned from vast distances by the Victive's pull.

I shot a beam of golden light shot at a star falling near Snoke. It swerved and collided with the side of Snoke’s head, bursting into a million glittering pieces in slow motion. Snoke’s mangled jaw clenched together, strangling his gruesome face as his gaze riveted on me far above. He flung his hand up and my tiny platform began to crumble out from under me.

I latched on to another falling star and shot it toward Snoke. It smashed against his shoulder and exploded like a firework. I pulled more and more stars off their courses, pelting him as fast as possible. The Victive gobbled up the billowing clouds of stardust left behind.

My assault was miserably ineffective at harming Snoke, but as a distraction, it was perfect. Snoke was completely focused on tearing off jagged shards of the platform and fending off the stars I chucked at him like bombs. He failed to notice the Victive inching ever closer to him. I hoped Kylo’s strength could hold out for just a little longer.

Then Snoke raised his giant hand and smacked one of the stars, shooting it back at me. Its passing shook the platform and I wobbled in its wake. My footing slipped and I was suddenly clutching the platform for dear life by a single hand.

Snoke reached for me, his mouth twisted in a terrible gaping grin. _“I AM A GOD.”_

He failed to see the one final star speeding toward him from behind. It slammed into the small of his back hard enough to send him reeling. He fell forward, and as he looked down his eyes bulged in almost comic horror a split second before falling face first into the Victive.

The world went pitch black while the Victive turned a brilliant blood red.

The dark artifact latched on to Snoke with animalistic ferocity. Instantly, all of Snoke’s muscles simply melted away. His skin sucked back against his emaciated skeleton like wet paper. Veins wriggled over his bones like worms.

A ray of light poured out of the scarred fissure on his forehead. Light beams burst from the ends of his gnarled fingers. Another crack emerged on his side. Suddenly, new rays of light shot out from all over his body, piercing his skin.

I watched in awe as the Force annihilated him from the inside out, the sheer scope of power too much for any living being to contain.

Snoke’s screaming deteriorated into a continuous bellow of agony as his body began to deform. His feet bent straight upward at a highly unnatural angle, his ankles bulged, his fingers flared outward and curled over the backs of his hands. One of his thumbs was sheared off, and it began to orbit around him like a grotesque, fleshy moon.

Snoke strained against the pressure, but the Victive crushed him inch by agonizing inch. His hips popped and his legs broke and bent upward in a way that legs never, ever should, and then his spine snapped in half right below his rib cage. I hoped Snoke’s disturbing, horrific screams would end the moment his head bent in the wrong direction, his skull meeting his spine and severing his trachea. But his wailing sobs continued, even as the bulbous planes of his face flattened into a grotesque and ruined mass of flesh.

He was still alive as the power packed in around his crippled and destroyed body. The entire mass of skin and bone compacted even further, jerking as organs popped to make more room, and bodily fluids began to leak out and form a revolting ring around him, joining the thumb in orbit.

Finally, Snoke’s excruciating whimpers abruptly cut off as his brain matter literally turned to paste. The Victive utterly devoured what was left of his body – and then it erupted in a massive, spectacular supernova.

The Force web shuddered and convulsed around me, straining to reabsorb the power that Snoke and the Victive had unnaturally drained. I was caught in the aftermath like a flimsy raft in a cyclone.

The colossal shockwave tore through everything in its path, and before I could blink the power ripped into my body. My skin peeled up from my muscles, the blood boiled in my veins, and the fibers of my muscles unravelled from my bones. My vision was bleached to a pure white even with my eyes screwed shut as tight as possible.

It was pure agony as my body was carved out of this dimension and my cells ripped apart. My brain ran out of space to process pain. Something started to bend within my mind, and then it snapped – and everything went dark.

The pain faded and I curled into a ball, resting on a smooth, cold floor. I don’t know how long I stayed that way, waiting for the shockwave to disperse into the Force web as the energy settled into its normal, natural grooves.

Finally, it seemed safe to open my eyes.

I sat on a glassy, mirrored surface. An ocean of darkness stretched away from me in all directions. Glowing red orbs trickled past my face, reflected perfectly in the mirrored floor.

I reached for Kylo through the Force. There was only an empty, dead spot in the back of my head, but somehow an answering pulse of energy echoed in the strange void all around me.

My heart shuddered in my chest as I finally recognized what the red lights were: fragments of Ren’s soul, each one a piece of his consciousness which had been torn apart by the supernova and scattered throughout this surreal dreamscape. It was all that was left of him after the Force had obliterated his body and mind.

I choked down tears as I summoned a thread of Force power to my side and wove a blanket of starlight and shadow. The red orbs were cool to my touch as I solemnly plucked them from the air and wrapped them in the blanket one by one.

A thread of golden light flickered into sight at my feet. Even though the bond was faint and weak, I recognized it immediately, and started to follow it through the darkness.

I walked through the void gathering as many pieces of Kylo’s existence as I could. The bundle of memories and thoughts in my arms never grew heavier, but the bond steadily grew brighter as I collected more fragments.

Finally, Kylo’s body materialized out of the unending darkness. He was lying prone on the ground, eyes closed and hands resting by his side. He wasn’t breathing.

I gulped down a sob.

I had to bring Kylo back from this strange, dead world. But while my desire to resurrect him may be noble, I worried that deep down my motivations were purely selfish. I was terrified of losing the man I loved, of being abandoned and reverting into the lonely scavenger from Jakku. And the mere act of bringing someone back from the dead seemed to teeter dangerously along that line between the light and dark sides of the Force.

Yet the universe was not starkly divided in light and dark, good and evil, I thought. Most people lived their lives somewhere along that continuum of gray. Perhaps the followers of Potentium had it right. Good and evil couldn’t manifest solely through my use of the Force, but only in the intent of my actions. The hard part was balancing my access to the Force with the wisdom to know when, and how, to use it for the right reasons. The consequences of disrupting that balance were clear. I wouldn’t forget Snoke’s horrific disintegration at the hands of the Force for a very long time.

And while Kylo Ren had done terrible, evil things, the essence of his soul was good. It couldn’t be wrong to save that part of him.

It wasn’t wrong to love him.

I cradled the fragments of his life and knelt down by his side, and pressed the bundle against Kylo’s still chest. The collection of memories and dreams shimmered as they slipped through his skin and settled somewhere inside the body he had left behind.

I touched my forehead to his.

‘Please,’ I begged into the haunting silence on the far end of the bond. ‘Please come back to me. I’ve already spent most of my life alone. I can’t spend the rest of it the same way. I love you.’

Everything went numb, and dark, and consciousness slipped away from me like a dream.

–

–

–

My senses returned to me one by one. I rested on real, solid earth. A gentle breeze caressed my face. I twitched one eye open and saw a clear, endless blue sky. Then I tilted my head to the side and was greeted with the sight of something infinitely better – Kylo Ren lying next to me, eyes closed but steadily drawing breath into his lungs.

We were on Emmett II, in the mountain clearing below Skybreacher. I’d practiced meditation here countless times. It was the place where I’d first spoken to Kylo through our Force bond.

The First Order’s forces were gone – either destroyed or retreated to the Unknown Reaches after the death of their leader. Plumes of smoke drifted from the Resistance base.

I sat up and smoothed my hand across Kylo’s brow. The bond’s normally vibrant strength was now muted and dull between us. Kylo was in a coma, his mind intact but fragile. I imagined falling head-first into a dark artifact wasn’t good for anyone, not even a Force-user as powerful as Kylo Ren.

I breathed deeply, resolving to be patient while his fractured mind healed. He had promised to come back, and I would hold him to that promise.

I smiled peacefully, thinking of the million possible futures stretching out from this moment. No matter which path we took, with Kylo at my side I finally had a place in this galaxy where I belonged.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with me to the end of this story. It's one of the coolest things I've ever written and I'm immensely proud of myself for finishing it.
> 
> The Last Jedi will be in theaters in less than one week and then the fandom is going to explode -- I absolutely can't wait!


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